WHY OKLAHOMA IS A WEIRD PLACE TO LIVE
- We had six inches of snow the day before yesterday. I mowed my lawn in a pair of shorts and a T-shirt this morning.
- Oklahoma has only recently begun a state lottery. This is because the incredibly influential Southern Baptist coalition here in the Sooner state successfully campaigned against it as being sinful for many, many years. Yet, on Sundays, when I go to the convenience store close to my home (which sits directly across the street from a Southern Baptist Church) I have to wait in line forever to check out because people in nice clothing coming from the church are in line ahead of me buying lottery tickets.
- Oklahoma feels very strongly about gun control. If you are driving through our state while on vacation, you will be stopped at the state line and your vehicle will be searched for guns. If you do not have any, you will be issued some.
- Don’t even think about making condoms available at a high school in Oklahoma, you would be drawn and quartered. We preach abstinence here, the way God intended. Besides, we are proud of the fact that our teen pregnancy rate is three times the national average. We like to excel in things!
- On a similar note, we Oklahomans don’t cotton to them homosexuals because they will destroy our families. Oddly, right here in the buckle of the Bible belt, Oklahoma has the second highest divorce rate in the nation at 76% (yes, you read that correctly…76%).
- While we talk a great deal about religion here in Oklahoma, there is a God who is worshipped here much more fervently that the one prayed too in our churches on Sunday morning. His name is High School and College football and he is all powerful.
- We believe in protecting our children in Oklahoma which is why we recently passed legislation in the House limiting access to certain books in our libraries and banning violent video games. Those two issues alone should make a big dent in the 17,000 reported cases of child abuse in the state last year.
- No one here finds the fact that giant farm machines routinely drive on the expressways odd at all.
- We believe that religion brings happiness and fulfillment to people. I always found it strange, however, that when I was in the ministry and was getting my health insurance through my state denomination office, when I read the report each year about what percentages of benefits were paid out for what types of claims among ministers in the state, over 60% of claims were for mental health and substance abuse treatment.
Despite my bitching, Oklahoma is a nice place to live, what with all the waving wheat and the wind that comes sweeping down the plain and all. The cost of living is low since 40% of our residents live below the national poverty level, which means you can pick up a nice used double-wide for next to nothing!
I can’t imagine living anywhere else.
Although I try all the time.
Comments (34)
LOL that was funny
At least it’s not Texas!
Tulsa, thankfully, is the Austin of Oklahoma: A smallish New England town that someone accidentally dropped in the northeast corner of the state. It’s certainly not paradise, but it’s not OKC, or western OK.
Those good ol’ Southern Baptists do such a good job of mucking with the things we love (see my University.)
That cracked me up. Texas shares many of those traits and I have one to add that should amuse you. I used to work in a very large bookstore in a very large city, abundant in Baptists and Church of Christ adherents. Would you like to guess which two days of the week we sold the most ‘erotica?’ That’s right, Wednesday nights and Sunday afternoons, right when Bible study and church got out. Something about going to church must get people riled up and in need of sexual healing.
Ah. I live in Alabama. I understand.
oklahoma sounds a helluva lot like tennessee.
at least you don’t live in West Virginia…I hear they are backwards up there…I used to live in Kansas…we left shortly after we moved in…damn tornados
The scary thing is, Oklahoma isn’t all that unusual.
Well, except for the farm machines. How fast can a thresher go anyway?
76%???!!!
LOL…I wondered if you were talking about Illinois (don’t pronounce the S…lol) when you were talking about the snow and then mowing….that’s EXACTLY how it has been here! lol Thanks for a good laugh!
I read the bit about gun control, and I thought “Gun control? That’s not weird.” And then I re-read it. Yikes!
Your lottery sounds like what’s going on here in North Carolina. Our first lottery tickets go on sale next week and all the church-goers I work with are already making plans to buy all the tickets they can afford. And yes, these are the same people who once claimed the lottery to be wrong. Great post. Thanks for the laugh, I needed it.
And you STILL live there? LOL
RYC: When I think of it, I never get really bored – something always happens with me. BD once asked me if I lived in a soap opera – I think I do, just in a really strange kind LOL.
You have a fabulous talent, and I am truly in awe.
Now, I wasn’t issued a firearm when I passed thru your fair state. I’m guessing that has to do with my commie pinko fag status ?
I don’t remember receiving a weapon when I came through Oklahoma some years back, either. But then, I had come from Arizona and they probably assumed I already had one. Ah, yes, Arizona….the state that elected car salesman Ev Mecham for governor (back in the 1980′s).
We live near the city of Grand Rapids, Michigan. It has long been touted as the city with the highest number of churches per capita. The city is home to a large Christian Reformed poplulation, and they boast several Christian colleges. I just saw on the news Friday that we also have the highest hate crime rate in the state of Michigan. Is that irony for ya!
You make me want to burst into song! “Ohhhhhh-klahoma…..”
(And thank my lucky stars I’m stuck in Hoosierville.)
xoxoxo
My FIL often tells the story of growing up in southern Missouri – The locals would make sure they’d get in line at the liquor store one county over – so their Southern Baptist counterparts wouldn’t recognize them.
Hahaha. Oh Oklahoma. Land that I love. You know, it wasn’t until very recently that I have started to get homesick for that backward ass, republician lovin’, slow as molassas state. You’re posts always make me miss it a little more though
Boy, did you hit the nail on the head! I love Oklahoma, have lived here for 52 years but I do so inspite of, not because of, all the points you mentioned. When I first moved here, Oklahoma was a staunch democratic state, although the rest was still true. As a sort of half-way Christian, I try to fly under the radar, religiously speaking. It’s sad, but, I do love the landscape of Oklahoma and the people are usually friendly and kind. It’s a paradox that is probably part of what I am here to learn. Thanks for sharing. Love your site.
Blessed be.
Oh Mark….I so understand!…I would do anything to get out of So_Cal….honestly ANYTHING, unfortunately I am stuck here for the next 4 to 8 years or so….I would love to find a small town somewhere and settle down, somewhere where people with cars only have to drive them occationally because eveything one needs is within walking distance….yes, that would be heaven!
The gun control (or lack thereof) would probably explain why Okalahoma doesn’t have the crime problems of New York, California, and other pro-gun contol states.
RYC: You should have drawn a buffalo on the back of your dollar and put a head dress on me.
Shouldn’t it be “we don’t cotton to them homersexyoualls”? I don’t so much mind the farm equipment rolling down the highway, it’s the trucks with the confederate flags and I suck Bush bumper stickers that tick me off.
I appologise, I can’t help it.
PrideOfRalson wrote: “The gun control (or lack thereof) would probably explain why Okalahoma doesn’t have the crime problems of New York, California, and other pro-gun contol states.”
Or it could be explained by: Population differences, diminished urban sprawl, racial profile differences, age profile differences, religious profile differences, Socio-economic status differences, a multitude of other governmental/political factors, etc. etc. etc.
Attempting to reduce as complex a phenomena as crime (or even gun violence) to lack of access to firearms is doomed to fail any test of statistics or logic.
As an aside, Tulsa actually has a pretty sizable crime problem (per capita).
You are wonderfully funny.
Oklahoma sounds sort’ve like Texas. Only worse. I didn’t think that was possible.
You forgot about tornadoes, flying houses and witches with flying monkeys.
“Attempting to reduce as complex a phenomena as crime (or even gun violence) to lack of access to firearms is doomed to fail any test of statistics or logic.”
Too bad too many states with CCW and less strict gun laws say otherwise. I didn’t ascribe ALL of the differences to the guns, but IS a measurable and quantifiable issue.
Jordan…we should probably be careful. After reading through several of the entries on “Prides” site and his penchant for witty (i.e. verbally abusive, hate strewn) repartee with those who leave comments, I’m convinced that he feels he has a constitutionally protected right to shoot anyone who disagrees with him.
Your entry was totally appropriate for me to read today.
As I write, there are members of the Genocide Awareness Project protesting outside the main library here at OU, handing out “literature” (read: propoganda) about abortion – those who seek it and those who perform it – and equate it with genocide.
They have signs posted that “warn” you about pictures about genocides. They have pictures (read: gargantuous and EXTREMELY graphic) of lynchings, the Holocaust, Darfur, and aborted fetuses.
They’re based out of Tennessee, and they like to travel around the country with their totally inappopriate, misguided, and ignorant display. And OU was the lucky school next on their hitlist.
As if Oklahoma doesn’t have enough problems already.
LOL.. you are crazier that I..
well, maybe!
You forgot to mention Cock Fighting!!! Can’t speak of Oklahoma without mentioning that one.
And Boof is gonna get it…Doesn’t he know..DONT MESS WITH TEXAS!…and then OKC????… {{cough}}
Texas is still the GREAT state…right?
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Pride said: “…but IS a measurable and quantifiable issue.”
Then quantify it. Run the multiple regression analysis including only the easily accessible covariates that I mentioned here. If you find one significant unique prediction of CCW and gun violence, you’ll make a whole huge community of people very very happy (because no one with any statistical validity has done so yet.)
I don’t have a dog in the hunt about gun control. I don’t own one, but I’d like to buy one at some point. I do, however, really dislike it when people reference statistical findings or scientific methods that are downright wrong.
Please don’t shoot me. I’m not an old enough lawyer to be shot at in Texas.
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Thats why we love it here in Texas. Nuf said.
Real weak Mark. Especially when you don’t read what others post ahead of my responses. “Hate strewn”. Yup, another one of those addle-minded cliches.
“I’m convinced that he feels he has a constitutionally protected right to shoot anyone who disagrees with him. “
I’m convinced that you feel you have a constitutionally protected right to molest children. Feel better now?
Non sequitur much? That one’s impressive, there. LSAT here he comes!
You apparently have not the right, but the privledge to not understand humor when you see it. Go on ‘head, put your pants back on, and shoot a little something for us instead of responding to the arguments. You’ll feel better. And you won’t even have to come up with something about molesting children to do so.