JUST CALL ME “RALPH”
How was your trip to New York, you might ask? Well…
Two great meetings with our client
A tour of Ground Zero
Dinner on Park Avenue
Lunch at a sidewalk café on the Hudson
A walk through Central Park
And then the trip home…..
As I get older I find I am more and more prone to motion sickness. After a frantic afternoon of getting information together for our client I proceeded to catch a taxi back to LaGuardia. I’ve not traveled a great deal by Taxi in New York but it is very safe to say that lanes, traffic lights, right of ways, and speed limits are all very “fluid” concepts. The taxi that picked me up apparently had no suspension, and the driver relished alternating between stomping on the gas and then on the brake while wildly switching lanes. I got in the taxi across from Madison Square Gardens and by the time we made Central Park I was turning a lovely shade of green. Halfway through Central Park I leaned out the window and (how can I say this delicately) left a Technicolor present on the side of the road. The taxi driver got a panicked look on his face and handed me an empty coffee cup which I proceeded to empty my stomach into for the remainder of the 45 minute ride. The harder I wretched the wilder he drove; because it was very clear he wanted to get to LaGuardia and get me the hell out of his taxi.
The very “relieved” looking driver dumped my luggage out of the trunk and actually squealed his tires as he pulled away. (I don’t know what his problem was because I think I actually gave him a hundred bucks just because I was too nauseous to count correctly). Looking lovely with chin drool and flop sweat, I made my way into the terminal to discover that my flight had been cancelled due to weather. But not to worry, they would be glad to route me through Zimbabwe to get me home, if I didn’t mind it taking a little longer. I was praying for a smooth flight, but the aviation gods laughed at the shear folly of my ridiculous request and put us directly in the middle of a thunder storm. Let’s just say the person sitting next to me on the flight was as glad to get off that plane as the taxi driver was to get me out of his cab.
Many, many, hours later we finally approached Tulsa. Unfortunately, the aviation gods had one more trick up their sleeves. The landing gear deployment light malfunctioned and they could not verify that the landing gear was actually down. So we circled Tulsa for and hour and a half as they fixed the problem….in tight little circles, over, and over, and over, and over again.
The good news is that I finally did make it home and I lost 30 pounds in bodily fluids! I’ve been banned from ever getting on a Delta flight again, but that’s what they get for not checking their damn landing gear deployment light.
I have to go back in two weeks. I know there are at least a million taxi drivers in New York but I’d do anything to be able to get in his cab again. You see, I have a present for him….I saved his coffee cup.
Comments (11)
I’d like to lose 30 pounds, but not that way. Goodness, that flight sounded awful! I’ll bet you were glad to have your feet on the ground again! Welcome back from NYC–we kept your place warm while you were gone!
Now that’s leaving them something to remember you by !! I hope you’re feeling better.
Now I know why your wife doesn’t accompany you on your business trips…
Hey, Ralph, better stock up on some dramamine before the return trip! I laughed out loud several times, thanks for the giggles to start my Saturday!
Hahaha. Thats awesome. I hope when I go to New York that it is just as exciting!
Love the Cheech and Chong reference. Yes, NY cabs are not for the queazy. They are a sport in itself. I’ve thrown up on a NY train but at least I could move a couple of cars back and nobody would scowl at me.
I think I had that same taxi & driver when I was in NY! lol…
Random props! Pretty funny stuff, there. I can just imagine the look on the taxi driver’s face.
Bleachh! Yes, try Dramamine or the patches…
What is Ground Zero like now? I was there about a year ago…curious as to the progress…
Call me crazy, but I loved taxi rides. I always thought they were relaxing.
rotflmao !