February 11, 2005

• WELCOME TO THE FREAK SHOW

  
  

   

  
  

  The popularity of the bearded lady at the circus and the trailer-trash, halter-top-wearing, bitch-slap-fest that makes up every Jerry Springer episode proves that everybody loves a freak show.  So grab a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon, a bag of pork-rinds, and adjust the rabbit ears on the TV, cause the ultimate freak show is about to begin.

  
  

   

  
  

  I’m referring, of course, to this year’s “trial of the century”; the case against Michael Jackson. Michael and I were born within a month of each other so I can actually remember him when he was a black man instead of a white woman.  Don’t get me wrong, I think he is a brilliant musician. At least I used to think so. I would rank his “Thriller” album as one of the greatest albums ever recorded. Lately, though, his singing reminds me more of someone attempting to hiccup on pitch.  I’m also a firm believer in “innocent until proven guilty” so I won’t make any assumptions about his quilt or innocence until the jury renders a verdict. You’ll have to admit though, that even if he isn’t guilty of molestation, he is guilty of showing what is arguably the worst judgment in the history of the universe.  He stated in an interview that he saw nothing at all wrong with sharing his bed with pre-teen boys.  Michael, if you’re not a child molester, then what the f*#k were you THINKING?!?

  
  

   

  
  

  What I dread most about the upcoming trial is the media frenzy that has already started and that will only escalate until it resembles a biblical plague of locusts.  The media could use the trial to foster serious discussion on the subject of child victimization. If you think that’s going to happen, then you have seriously taken up residence in la-la land.  Instead, it will be a freak show staged as entertainment and played for ratings and market share.  I say, if it’s going to be spun as entertainment, do it right. Here is what I suggest:

  
  

   

  
  

  1.         Forget Rodney Melville as the judge. Use Judge Judy.    By the time she was done with his ass, he’d be moon walking in a whole new way.

  
  

   

  
  

  2.         Once the case has been presented, take the jurors to a remote island and drop them off.   They could vote each other off, and the last one standing gets to choose the verdict.

  
  

   

  
  

  3.         Let the Lawyers from “Boston Legal” try the case.   They may actually be sleazier than Michael is.

  
  

   

  
  

  4.         Do it “American Idol” style.   Let Simon Cowell rate the closing arguments.

  
  

   

  
  

   

  
  

  Those suggestions might be a bit over the top, but not by much.

  
  

   

  
  

  So forget serious dialogue, forget in-depth analysis of the issues, and forget the actual pursuit of justice.

  
  

   

  
  

  Let the freak show begin.

  • 6:53 pm
  • 4 Comments