May 24, 2007
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I’VE LOST 30 IQ POINTS SINCE I BOUGHT MY DVR
I held off as long as I could, but the sweet siren song of surround sound and high definition beckoned to me like Parthenope beckoned Ulysses. I untied myself from the mast of frugality and dove headlong into the ocean of sensory bliss. The alluring strain of the island nymphs (or perhaps it’s been Melinda and LaKisha from American Idol, I’m not quite sure) have continued to pull me toward the dangerous shore.
I must be stopped before I am dashed on the rocks of intellectual ruin and before I drag this metaphor out one sentence further.
Yep…I got a 50” plasma and a DVR and now I watch way too much friggin TV.
I should be outraged by the genocide in Darfur. I should be outraged by the James Comey revelation that Andrew Card and Alberto Gonzales paid a little late night hospital visit to John Ashcroft. I should be outraged by the profiteering of big oil…and I am.
But I’m a lot more outraged that my DVR stopped recording American Idol last night right before the winner was revealed.
I told myself when I made the purchase that I would spend most of my TV time watching the life cycle of invertebrates on the Discovery Channel but darn if I haven’t been sucked into the vortex of whether Jack Bauer is going to save the world AGAIN on “24”, whether Apollo and Julianne would beat Joey and Kym, and whether or not all of those people on Oceanic Flight 815 are ever going to stop having flashbacks and get off that damn island!
I…must….turn…it….off…but….I…can’t.
I know that many of you will be tempted to leave comments stating that you are above wasting your time with television and that you spend all of your evenings reading Proust in the original French by candlelight, but I know the truth…
You want to know who America’s next top model will be just as bad as I do.
Comments (36)
Oh, the highly defined joys!
The DVR is the best invention since the wheel.
No longer am I chained to the TV set in an evening, turning down social invitations, or begging excuses to get out of a longer workday… I can stay up until 2 a.m. watching that which I should have watched at 8 p.m.
I can no longer go to work in the morning, begging co-workers to tell me things I’ve missed.
If anything, I have weeded out the fluff in my TV watching in lieu of watching viable programs I WANTED to see. There is never NOTHING on.
Of course I’m falling asleep at my desk, and the wheel now… but it’s all good.
I would almost go so far as to say that I “cherish” my ability to tivo my favorite shows! I feel like I am maximizing my time! I can not only watch what I like, but I can freeze frames that I want to look at further, I can repeat things I have missed because of an interruption, I can skip the LOUD commercials….all these things leave more time for the intellectual act of reading!!! Now….where is that book? Oh, I see it! It’s right there under those last 4 TV guides….
I love our DVRs!!!! I look at it far more “positively” than….. well, than U. The DVR allows us to NOT waste much time cause I can fast forward through all the commercials, thus saving about 25minutes every hour. That is a lot of time saved.
PS – of the + is our DVR cut off the end also…. DirectTV… how bout you?
I don’t have a TiVO and I’ll probably be the last person on earth to get one. We only got cable a few years ago. I’m not ashamed to admit I don’t read Proust and I do worry whether Jordin will win or if Apolo will get enough votes. And I am certainly more addicted to reading funny posts like this than I am to reading about Darfur.
I still have to tape any shows the old fashioned way, on my vcr! lol…but if you ever read my site, you know that I watch way too much mindless television!
Not only do I read Proust in the original French, but I also translate it for fun into German and Swahili.
Read Proust? Forsooth. I gave up my madeleines long ago. I am now translating Dante’s Inferno. I am currently in the fifth level of hell–the last two weeks of eighth grade.
Don’t be silly. I read Proust by lamplight. What do you take me for, a Luddite?
I’m with you on the addiction to reality pop culture. I also agree with others about the beauty of fastforwarding through mindless crap to get to the good stuff. If they can perfect the systems to capture the whole show instead of cutting off at the hour marker, that would be better. Shows sometimes go over due to them being live or get delayed due to a previous sporting event ending late. It should compensate for that.
Bring that 50′ Plasma when you COME VISIT.
I’m totally addicted, too. I still have to use an old-fashioned VCR if I’m going to miss a crucial–and I do mean crucial–program, though. I’d like a DVR but don’t feel the need to pay for a Tivo subscription.
And yeah, we know waaaaaaay too much about Britney, Lindsay, and Anna Nicole, but we try to balance it by playing along with Jeopardy!
No, I just watch movies about reading Proust in the original French by candlelight. Close enough?
(Little Miss Sunshine reference– “The number ONE Proust scholar!”)
You are more twisted than a pretzel. By the way the only real reason to have a DVR is so you don’t have to go to the ballpark to watch your favorite baseball team, and no I don’t have one yet, but I can hear the siren call from where I am. Must I really battle the Gorgon to keep from buying the thing?
Gosh….I don’t even have cable.
…and the VCR clock still blinks at 12:00. I TRY to stay right up with technology…..but I am still having a hard time figuring what PONG is all about!
I have 2 questions for you:
1. Could you really afford that 30 point drop?
2. Is this the method by which you crafted your Perfect Announcer Voice?
And remember, no matter how much I make fun of you, it’s only because I’m trying to live up to your standards of cleverness. (-: See you soon!
I think I lost 30 IQ points reading this post! Teehee!
Just teasing!! Not true!!!
Hey, Can I come over this weekend and watch TV? I don’t have a DVR and my TV is only 26 inches.
Hope you and your family have a safe and fun weekend!
PS…funny post!
whose site did I read it on….”america is not at war. the marines are at war. america is at the mall.”? too true. I know mark, you need to relax, the pace of modern life, which has evolved to make hard things easier, now crams lots and lots of things into your time and all you want to do is sit back and let your brain go beta. Just remember: you’re killing polar bears.
a man after my own heart. Here’s some interesting trivia, one of the girls who made it to the top of Americas top model ( forgot her name) mom is the english teacher at our local high school. Sarah, I just trmembered. Anyway, isn’t that fasinating?
I have recorded all the lockups and lockdown prison reality shows, you really must try those. Oh, Jordon won.
Guilty as charged.
I’m sure I have ESP. I was wondering just last night if my life has been wasted because I’ve never read one sentence of Proust…much less in French. That’s the truth! LOL
Hey, May I link this post on my next post??? Let me know. I am busy this weekend so I won’t be posting again until Monday…but I’d like to honor some funny posts I’ve read and yours is one of them. Thanks.
HUH? What are you talking about?Who are those people? My 10″ B&W still works fine with those rabbit ears
I do not know what a DVR is. Now, I do have a DVD recorder, and I do have a DVD of American Idol’s last show. I record shows as I watch them in case I get interrupted, which I always do. As for TV, now that AI is off, after this Tuesday night (Dr. House’s final episode) I will take my summer break from TV. This habit goes back to when there were only 3 networks, and all summer TV shows were reruns. And I thought plasma was a blood product. Why are they using the same word for TVs? Couldn’t they make up a new word? I’m sure it isn’t the same kind of plasma.
I laughed so hard I thought I would bust!!! Loosing 30 IQ points!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Put the remotes down…………
Love it!!!
RYC: Well, that is justification enough for me. We’re buying the giant plasma screen.
RYC: You get more flies with honey than you do with…wait….why would anyone want flies. Whatever. I’ll post when I feel like it. I do what I want!
No for real. I have a lot of things going through my mind, some of which I’m not all that comfortable with complete strangers reading, let alone people I know. Plus I would hate for the police to have motive when the bastard turns up missing.
HAHA I must say… Now you really do need help. Step away from the remote…
RYC: You would be a great addition to any family reunion and if you were at mine, people would welcome you with open arms! There are so many divorces and remarriages that everyone would assume you belong!
So now I am really the last household to go DVR….of the 20 of us in my office, I am the only one without DVR. I call it my efforts in keeping my decision-making skills sharp. Have to decide which show I really, really want to see and which ones to watch as “new”re-runs when my faves have hit their season finales…
Naaaaaaah, I just want to know if Tony Soprano gets whacked or goes to the clink. I’m off work (evenings) on medical leave for a trashed knee. Amazing, isn’t it?, that it coincided with the Sopranos finale? hehehehehe –Glenna (http://www.afridgefulloffood.typepad.com)
Welcome to DVR heaven….we went that route just after Christmas when we purchased a 45″ LCD HD, and have been recording all of our fravorite shows, meaning we don’tr have to watch commercials at all!…YEAH!…we did get bummed when we noticed that we could not record more than one show at each time slot if we were going to be watching a third show at the same time…not to worry, Mike just purchased a second DVR and connected it to the home theater, so now we can litterally record nearly every show on prime time if we wanted to….now that my friend is way too much TV!
RYC: Dammit….who approved you to read that protected post?!
I have no idea what a DVR is or who most of the tv personality names are. Nada. I live in my own television free world. Free to read or to go take a walk after dinner. Free.
So what movies does Proust write? Are they action flicks!?
I’m more the movie type than the book type…it takes to long to read but only 2 hrs to watch.