January 5, 2007
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THE RISE AND FALL OF THE MALE EGO
As many of you know, I make my living in sales. As many of you also know, salesmen are generally regarded as polyester-wearing, bull shit-spouting, blood-sucking leeches that reek of bad cologne and have the ethical convictions of a mob lawyer; think Herb Tarlek crossed with Frank Regano. I take exception to this stereotype, because I almost never wear polyester.
Salesmen are also generally assumed to have egos the size of Rosie O’Donnell’s thighs. This part of the stereotype is entirely true…and I’m no exception.
We have our annual sales meeting in January each year and sales awards are presented at a banquet that is part of the event. Last year I was given the “Presidents Award.” I’m only the second person in the 35 year history of the company to have achieved the sales levels necessary to be eligible for the award (the award is given for exceeding a specific dollar amount in sales for five consecutive years). When the award was given (and I’m not kidding about this) confetti dropped from the ceiling, moving lights danced around the room in sync to a pre-recorded orchestral track, while a slide show of my accomplishments played on a giant screen behind me.
I had to be driven away from the event in a Winnebago in order to contain my ego.
This year is a little different.
I’ve been with the company for 13 years now, and 2006 was my worst year…ever. Our company is small. We only have 22 salesmen nationwide, but out of those 22, I came in 20th. The two people I beat were brand new and were only with the company a few months during the year. This stellar sales performance came during a year when our company exceeded last year’s sales by over 20%. My ego is taking a bit of a beating.
The problem is the upcoming sales meeting; I don’t want to go if I’m not the big sales “hero.” Is that childish and petulant? Absolutely, but it doesn’t change how I feel. I’ve told my boss that I’m scheduled to have bird flu at the time of the sales meeting. I’ve told him that my mom’s funeral is scheduled at that time (it probably doesn’t help that it’s three weeks away and he knows my mom has been dead for 25 years.) I’ve even told him I plan to fall off my roof and re-break my ankle the day before the meeting, but it doesn’t look like any excuse I give is going to get me out of having to go. The worst part is that I have to give a presentation.
Due to my enormous ego, I usually love giving presentations. I spice them up with silly graphics, a few minutes of stand-up, and an occasional soft shoe number. However, I’m dreading this presentation as much as President Bush probably dreads press conferences. I’ll give some impassioned speech about sticking it out through the hard times, about the ups and downs of the sales cycle, and about how perseverance pays in the end. My audience will cheer me on and pat me on the back, but inside…I will be totally humiliated.
This entire experience has taught me how me how silly the male ego is. It’s taught me that my sense of self-worth should not hinge on something as trivial as my sales numbers. It’s taught me that there is so much in life that is more important that my job performance…
…and if I don’t get a freakin sales trophy next year, I’m going to go sit in the corner, pout, and suck my thumb. I want my damn confetti back.
Comments (36)
Normally I can think of something to say…..all I can think of today is…”that sucks.” (yep, I am a sure way to cheer you up huh?) You know, I don’t think any company can just keep going up and up and up with sales without having some downfalls. It really doesn’t mean you did any less of a job….it’s probably the economy that made a difference. On a MUCH smaller scale….it’s kind of like my Avon sales each campaign. I may sell hundreds of dollars in one and only $50.00 in the next….it really pushes me that much harder for the next campaign and normally the reason my sales were down is because people just didn’t have the money to buy at the time.
I apologize. I used to call my dad “Logical Larry.” Geez…..I’m afraid it’s hereditary.
Have a great day!
Obviously the problem is you sold everything to everyone the year before and there were no customers left in 2006. You’re just going to have to expand from large Audio-Video products to include used cars and vacuum cleaners.
If it helps your ego you could think of 2006 as the year you stepped back to let the other salesman shine. Or as the year you took to gear up to make 2007 your best year ever. There are lots of ways you could spin this you know.
If it were me, I would make a self-deprecating joke about coming in 20th while at the same time spouting MAJOR MAJOR kudos to the guy who came in first. Perhaps even make a joke about the confetti he will have to dig out of his hair for weeks to come. Sometimes making a joke about the obvious takes the stick away so nobody can hit you with it–most of all YOU!
It would be nice to be on top all of the time. I don’t know how stressful or difficult your job is, but what I do know about sales is that it’s hard, it requires a lot of concentration and focus. If you’re dedicated, your job is a large part of your life, and when you feel like you’re not performing as you should, then it sucks. But, from reading your blog for more than a year, I also know that there are many other things that are important to you – that define you, and make you the person you are. Perhaps this was the year for those things to move to the forefront of you life. I sometimes think we need time to pull back a bit, reflect on what’s happening, before we make a big surge forward with our goals. Perhaps 2006 was your pruning year, when new growth was cut back to bring your career to fuller blossom in 2007.
It’s kind of that way with our NC public school test scores. I’m sure that somewhere in our sprawling state capital, someone can immediately put there hands on the test score for EVERY child in my classroom for the past ten years, with running commentary on how well I did–not the kids, not the school, but ME, personally–even though I didn’t take the test, the kids did. Four years ago our state department of public instruction came to my school to interview me to ask my “secret.” The secret was that I had an all-white, upper income classroom. Now that I have CHOSEN to go to a school where the kids are poor and minority, my test scores have dropped and they are all over my butt. It is a blow. But I look at the fact that the kids I had last year DID improve—maybe not to the point of the kids whose parents are doctors/lawyers/CPAs, but up from where they were the year before. 9 months growth for 9 months in the classroom. That’s what it’s about. You’ll have a better year next year. (And, if they had a prize for blogging, you’d definitely win something. Maybe some glitter instead of confetti. And we’ll play “Sweet Pea” by Tommy Roe over a loudspeaker. Or “The Rain, the Park and Other Things” by the Cowsills. That one rocks.
I vote for the “I laid back so someone else could shine” line of BS.
I agree with polymergoddess, use your humor, everyone will be so wowed by your charasmatic personality they will think it must be some weird fluke that you came in so low this past year. Blow the confetti guy out of the water and leave everyone scratching their heads, with this strange phenominon.
As i prepare for our Sales Meeting you make me giggle because it’s the very same meeting
Way to go-LAST YEAR, Loser!!! Ah, I’m just teasing…..Actually, I have a fairly large male ego myself, and I’m a woman!!
Your funny!
What if you gave the presentation in your underwear? Then everyone would still be talking about you. That’ll boost your ego all the way to the unemployment line.
Cook the books!
That rah rah shit would have me puking….
HEY, there’s an idea!
I must say, it could be worse. You could be trying to sell real estate in Michigan. This past year was OUR worst year ever – it even was worse than the year we started as newbies in the early 90s.
Teehee, Herb Tarlick (spelling?)! That is funny! He was funny! And YOU are funny! Even if you don’t come in first or win any trophies, you are a winner in my book. One of my fav Xangans. Have a great weekend and stay away from ladders,
RYC: Only when I’m hiding from dead people.
Well look at it this way…. atleast they wont have to widen the door for you to get your head in the room. That’s a plus.
Just so you don’t start dressing like Herb Tarlick.
LOL! I totally hear you. Nothing wrong with liking to achieve.
I’ll bet your speech would be the one everyone remembers whether or not you’re the top salesman.
You had a year like the Pittsburgh Steelers. From Super Bowl champions to sucking hind teat in 12 short months. Quarterback Big Ben crashed his helmetless head in a motorcycle accident, 2006 Salesman of the Year Mark fell off the roof. Jerome Bettis retired last year….did you lose a sales mentor?
I borrowed your MORANS picture. So sue me.
LOL…it isn’t just the male ego, I would be acting the same exact way! I think you should just read this entry for your speech..it it funny, emotional & motivational!
We all have “bad years”, I have no doubt whatsoever that next year you will get your confetti back!….I feel that the bad years help us not to take the really good years for granted….chin up, and polish your routine, just don’t get nasty like that Sienfeld character!….LOL
I still think you’re missing out on the SUV, 4X4 and F250 pick-up truck markets. I can hear it now-KA-CHING! You should listen to me more often.(Van) :~)
HERB TARLEK!!!!YOU CAN ALMOST LIKE HIM.
You are funny, I am enjoying all of your entries. I’m sure you’re a great salesman and you’ll be back in the top 5 in no time
TAG! YOU’RE IT! Please stop by my site for details,
Maybe you should use humor as some have suggested….maybe even hone your entry here! Or you could blame it on not wearing polyester and show up in polyester, explaining that everyone better watch out next year!
I can understand, I don’t think it’s male ego, I think that kind of sentiment runs true in both sexes. The worst thing anyone can tell me is that I am not measuring up. I don’t cry often but that kind of statement is one of the few things that can turn me into a heap of jell-o in seconds. Consolation pats on the shoulder.
RYC: Is that show still on? If it is I’ll submit your name, your wife will be thrilled at all you learn.
How did I miss this? I must not be getting your updates on my sub list. I didn’t see a date for the meeting, but I hope that it has come and gone. There are just years like that, but your track record over all these years speaks for itself. Hang in there.
Kathi
This weather SUCKS!
Being in sales for a number of years I know exactly what you mean! Of course before I went to AOL I was a salesman in the Multi-level marketing field. A friend, and fellow collegue, once told me that a salesman in the MLM field makes a used car salesman look like a saint. On top of that, a successful MLM salesman must of sold his soul to the devil at some point in his life. I can’t not deny this as I do not remember a lot of what I did in my drunken states! I can tell ya that I was never good enough! When I moved over to AOL I was constantly in the top 25 of over 600 employees. My girlfriend at the time could not understand why I was so upset because I wasn’t #1. It wasn’t about the money or the awards…. well okay maybe a little, but it was because someone else was doing better than me and that meant I should be able to do better! I think thats what ultimately caused me to burn out. Look at it this way though.. You can’t do much worse in 2007, and think of the amazing come back story you’ll have!
BTW you guys hiring? I have several friends who are high school drop outs with their GEDs losing a 100+K a year job looking at flipping burgers now! I know with AOL going to a free service that a lot of them have made plans to go ice skating in hell before going back to work
I am so relieved that other people sometimes feel this way too!