December 1, 2006
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Tulsa is currently under siege by an enemy so dangerous, so insidious, so fiendishly clever, so flaky white, that I can barely bring myself to utter its name, and yet I must…
SNOW
(Insert scary music) AAAARRRRGGHHHH!!!!!!
At least that’s the way most Tulsans are acting this morning. We got 10.5” of the white stuff overnight and the city is shut down even though there isn’t a cloud in the sky this morning and the temperature is climbing back up above freezing.
We don’t get much snow in Tulsa; perhaps three or four snow falls a year that only last a day or two, so people go absolutely insane when it does snow. Not only do people go insane, but snow brings out the stupid in people here in Tulsa like nothing else does.
I find that there are three distinct sub-sets of this kind of stupidity:
Stupidity sub-set # 1
Everyone who lives in Oklahoma is required by law to own at least one pickup truck with a gun rack in the back. You are exempt from this law only if you are a soccer mom driving a mini-van. The trouble with pickups is that unless they are 4X4’s they suck on snow. Mini-Vans don’t fair much better and yet every bubba in his F-150, and every velour sweat-suited Barbie in her Chrysler Town and Country HAD to get out on the roads this morning, and 98% of them were stuck in ditches as I drove into work. Apparently the latest edition of National Enquirer or TV Guide had hit the stands and they couldn’t wait to get their copy (I’m so glad I’m above stereotyping my fellow Oklahomans).
Stupidity sub-set # 2
If you don’t own a 2WD truck or a mini-van in Oklahoma you are probably one of those people who do own a 4WD SUV or a Hummer. I don’t know if there are many Hummers on the road where you live, but they are EVERYWHERE in Tulsa. (Side note: There’s even a limo company here in town that has a stretch hummer. They have my favorite Billboard in Tulsa. It has a picture of the vehicle with a caption that reads: “Everyone wants a nice long Hummer”). These people think that simply because they have a 4WD vehicle they have nothing to fear and they zoom past you on the snow and ice at 70 mph. These people should be shot with the guns resting in the gun racks of those in Stupidity sub-set #1.
Stupidity sub-set # 3
There is a guy in my office who is absolutely the stupidest person I’ve ever met. Even though only four other people from our company made it work today, he came in despite the fact that he fell off a ladder last week, broke his ankle, and is on crutches. Can you imagine being stupid enough to get out on the ice while you’re on crutches?!?!?
…oh, wait a minute…that’s me.
Comments (25)
LMAO!
Michigan winters are always snowy and slippery, but we have the idiots who forget how to drive from one winter to the next. I didn’t venture out today because I knew the roads would be packed with people who forgot that snow and ice on the roads means you have to drive slower or you’ll end up in the ditch or hitting another car. Please tell me you didn’t actually use your crutches to drive with did you? I have a friend who was in a cast and used his crutch for the gas and brakes because he couldn’t use his foot. The doofus is lucky he didn’t get into another accident!
ROFLMAO. Your honesty is refreshing. And funny as hell. (Is hell funny, ya think?)
LOL I can’t believe you made it to work today!
Hahaha. I drive a Kia Rio and I’m the only one in my department at work today. That guy on the crutches is crazy. Take a day off every now and then. Geez.
This is why I like Michigan (OK, I don’t like Michigan, but I UNDERSTAND Michigan…). We get a kazillion inches of snow a year – about 1/2 inch at a time, with a few dumpings in between. Between December and March, frequently you will go days without seeing the sun, and with a light scum on the road. Yes, I have an SUV. I like it. I also never stay home, and I haven’t seen the inside of a ditch since… um… I drove a sedan.
My SIL moved to Tennessee. SHE is the only one who makes it to work when everyone else is crying because of 1/2 inch of snow. With an old Firebird nonetheless. Why? She learned to drive in Michigan.
(You need cleats on the bottom of those crutches).
I drive a stretch Hummer.
It’s great for schlepping bags full o’ fleece, and the gas mileage is great!
Your home is beautiful! You silly man though, WHY did you venture out in that crap?!?! We went as far as the grocery store and I did stop by the nursing home to take my daughter some supper while she was working and to check on my lady there….but I didn’t stick around to long. Now I just can’t get warm. We did not get the amount of snow here in central Illinois like you did but we had a horrible ice storm over night with about 3-4 inches of snow with it. It’s a mess here with downed power lines and trees. I felt kind of guilty about not driving the 23 miles to work so I called to check on my co-worker today and apparently NOBODY went to work cause there was no power there! lol Take care and stay warm…AND stay off the ice.
No snow here yet. . .but soon, very soon.
Take care of that ankle!
That much snow is God’s way of telling you to stay home and watch movies from under a warm afghan (the blanket, not the nationality) on the sofa. I’m sure it’s a commandment somewhere…
Hey, you didn’t really break your ankle did you? That’s terrible!
We were all looking forward to the forecasted “wintry mix” but it didn’t happen, dang it. Snow is the greatest of novelties down here.
you idiot! lol…
I will admit it…I can not drive on ice…never even tried, never will.! Too many fools out there that think they can.
Right now though, I am sure that the main roads are all just fine, but I live at the end of a cul de sac…it is mounds of frozen snow & ice…the mailman or the paper carrier couldn’t get up here…so I ain’t goin nowhere till it melts!
That description of yourself cracked me up! I am sure you are a successful man though, because it is only the committed and hard-working people that show up when it is hard and when they easily have an excuse to stay home!
What an awesome house1 I love it! Is it for sale? I’m looking for a house right now. But it would be one heck of a commute.
RYC: the only windows I have downstairs are my bay window, and it was made not to open.
So I guess I could go upstairs and jump out those windows. I’ll let you know how it goes!
we are used to snow, we were prepared, people are still stupid here too, I guess snow makes people lose brain cells.
We have the Hummers, Hummer2 and H2 oh . . . and the long Hummers all over the place. I cannot see the reason for owning one of those things, other than keeping your local gasoline station in business. Yup, I agree w/them being shot, or seriously wounded, w/the guns from the first subset.
Is that your abode in the pic? The fallen snow, how beautiful. Altho, I did learn a long ago it’s not so beautiful when you slip and fall flat on your ass and feel the pain of the cold wet concrete all the way to the top of your head. Well, it was really cobblestones, but it hurt like a muddah nonetheless.
I’d say “be careful on those crutches, man”, but I get the feeling you wouldn’t listen anyway. So, if you fall on your tush, make sure you do it around someone w/a camera so we can enjoy the picture, at least.
Your house looks terrific in the snow. Maybe without the snow too! Yep, people are idiots, no doubt of it, when it comes to snow. I’d like to explain to some of them that having four wheel drive will not help you stop better on a sheet of ice! 4 wheel drive is like superior intelligence, it merely allows you to become stuck in more remote places!
There are a lot of Hummers here. There was one in the mall yesterday. As if it isn’t crowded enough.
I have enjoyed reading your posts….just letting you know!
RYC: Yeah, but they’re really warm! LOL!
My front-wheel drive ford escort kicks major snow ass. I always laugh at the trucks in the ditch.
I drove for an hour today in the first big snowfall of the season. It seems that many people forget how to drive in winter until after the third or fourth snowfall (it snows a lot here), and people were either driving way too fast or way too slow. Most pickups and minivans have all-season or winter tires, so they are okay in winter, but the SUV’s are horrible.
my parents lived in denver for 20 years before we moved here to choke-lahoma, and every year without fail, my dad will make the following statement:
“THESE OKIES DON’T KNOW WHAT SNOW IS!!”
and then he starts ranting and raving about how people who don’t know how to drive on a clear, sunny day shouldn’t be allowed to drive when there’s any precipitation whatsoever. and then at some point, he gets incredibly pissed off at all the weather guys on TV for panicking.
it’s fun times.
We have all of the above.
We were teased with the threat of a storm, and people here are PARANOID. If they hear there’s a storm coming, they have to shut down everything they’re doing and lock up….And the news?! Apparently, the news stations can’t come up with a better story than the threat of a storm.
The storm never happened. Which is good, because we’ve got a lot of stupid drivers around here.