November 25, 2006
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GETTING OLD BLOWS
My 50th birthday is about a year and half away…looming out there on the horizon like a giant turd. Most of the time I don’t feel my age, but at this particular moment, I happen to feel every 412,000 hours of it.
The weather here was beautiful today so I decided to power-wash the house in preparation for painting it. I was carrying the power-washer up an extension ladder from the lower deck to our upstairs deck, and was just climbing over the deck railing when the ladder slipped out from under me and I fell about 15 feet to the deck below…with the power washer on top of me and the ladder underneath me.
I did a number on my left ankle. It currently looks the way my Grandmother’s ankles used to look…you know, no ankle – the leg just goes straight into the foot. I also landed on the ladder hard enough to actually put a major dent in it with my ass. From this point forward my ladder will forever have an ass-shaped dent in it. I’m not sure how I feel about that.
I have several other cuts and bruises and I can’t walk but that’s the worst of it. Currently, I’ve taken two prescription Motrin and had about six glasses of wine, so I’m not feeling any pain at the moment…in fact, I can’t even feel my face. I’ve had to run spell check on this 25 times already just to type this far.
What I’m worried about is what inevitably awaits me tomorrow morning when I attempt to get out of bed. I can tell right now that it ain’t gonna be pretty, and that’s what sucks about getting older; you just don’t bounce back as quick from these little mishaps. When I was a punk kid I would have shaken this off and made plans to go bungee jumping in the morning. The only plan I currently have for tomorrow morning is shooting myself.
Thank God I have a laptop with a wireless connection to keep me occupied while I’m recuperating upstairs in my bedroom. There’s only one problem…I have no friggin idea how I’m going to get there.
Comments (25)
Mark, I am so sorry that happened to you! You are really lucky you didn’t fall on your head! Do you think you ought to see a doctor to make sure nothing is broken? Forget the ladder – that couldn’t have felt too good to your arse, either, lol, especially from such a height! I had to laugh at your description of your grandma’s ankles, because mine had those kind, too (do you suppose we are destined to have them someday?). :-O I hope tomorrow won’t be as bad as you think right now.
Kathi
Oh my! I am so sorry for your mishap! You are fortunate that you didn’t break something! Please don’t shoot yourself…I would miss you! I hope your ankle heals quickly. Don’t push it…take it easy…in fact, milk it for all it’s worth…get all the help and attention you can. That’s what this already 50 year old would do!
PS…This was not a funny post. I guess you are not funny when you are under the influence…or is it that you are not funny when you can’t feel your face???
If you’re denting ladders with your ass, I think you qualify for a Buns of Steel video. As for not feeling your face, that’s always the point when I know that my alcoholic beverage of choice is working. You have my condolences in advance, for what you will be feeling come morning. I hope it’s not as bad as you fear.
You always find humor in the worst things! lol I hope that tomorrow is not to rough on you. Normally though….it feels the worst after a few days of it. Sorry. Hugs.
I was going to say you don’t look your age, but after that spill, you probably do.
On the plus side, this post made me laugh out loud. Apparently pain makes you funnier.
My ex mother-in-law had legs like that and was under 5 feet tall. Her legs looked like a Cabbage Patch doll. Vicodin is your friend after a ladder-denting blow to the butt!
An ankle thicker than your Gram’s is worth getting x-rayed perhaps?
I’m probably as calendar-challenged as you are, and I know for a fact that I am never going to grace the upper rungs of a ladder again… It’s just not worth it for me.
Have your wife go to the store and buy you a jar of Mineral Ice.
Little mishap, Uff-da! Put a helmet on when you start painting, friend.
Mark, take it from one who has learned from bad experience…..ankle injuries are NOT to be neglected. Especially at *snicker* your age. (I tried that once, and now have to live with one that’s permanently disabled.) Get it checked out, post haste. And don’t make the mistake of thinking you can put up with the pain and walk on it…..unless Dr. says it’s OK. So sorry to hear about your fall, hon. Heal soon.
xoxoxo
oh, my, gah…….
whoa….i hope you’re okay…? if i’ve learned anything this last….three weeks, it’s that debilitating injuries really frickin’ bite. the big one. hugely.
i will pray for a speedy recovery for you. and for relief. i think…you’re going to need it….*bites lip*
RYC: You made me laugh out loud! Oh…and thanks for not posting a photo! That would have been TMA!
They are called cankles, and don’t worry, women think they are very sexy on a man.
(*snickers* Too fun playing with the drunk and decrepit.)
Ouch! That sounds bad. Feel better soon!
Kankle (or cankle) that’s what it’s called . . . when the calf and the ankle becomes one entity . . . OK, I guess that’s cankle. So sorry you have one . . . has it turned colors yet? Owwey!! Dented the ladder w/your ass? Sounds painful, yet attractive all at the same time . . . ‘hope you’re feeling better’n relatively pain free by now.
Giant turds loom on the horizon??? AHHHHHHH!!!!
Sorry about your ankle or cankle. I guess your ladder now has a new “bottom rung.”
Ouch! I second the encouragement to get your ankle checked out; a little X-ray never hurts.
For a minute there, I was looking on the horizon for a giant turd! I’m sorry about your ankle, but there are two things you need to remember: 1. From now on, you will probably know when you are in for extreme weather, and 2. what’s the point of getting older if you can’t say something like: “I’m sorry. I just can’t do that any more. My (insert appropriate body part here) doesn’t work like it used to.” I tend to use that one a lot. Hop you feel better!
Ha ha, sorry not funny, I mean ba ha ha ha. sorry, no really, when I fell in the kids puke at work I was so sore the next day ( and of course still grossed out) I was shocked, it’s true this getting older sucks in a big way. I had to take off work I was all stiff and in pain. maybe have some more wine waiting for when you wake up. Since you are now bed ridden you need to go to semi ex’s site and convince him real men xanga.
Hey, I have your Grandma’s ankles at the end of every day. So at the beginning of every day I take a good long look at my real ankles, before they disappear.
Sorry you hurt yourself. Feel better soon.
I think this would be a great opportunity to look at the bright side. Instead of your 50th birthday looming like a giant turd on the horizon, now its tomorrow morning when you attempt to get out of bed. On your 50th, your butt will no longer hurt. How’s that for positive thinking?
Good thing you have such a great son to drive all that way to take care of your aluminum-cleaving ass.
“Giant turd” – Wicked. “An ass shaped dent” – Very Wicked. Trying to climb up the stairs with a geriatric ankle, a dented arse and a numb face – Can I come over to watch? LOL. Get well soon, mate!
OK, Mr., you are going to go up and down the stairs the way that toddlers do….on your bottom!, that is the safest way and will hurt a lot less.
I have to say that I laughed out loud at the “ass dent” on your ladder….BAHAAHAAAA…..hopefully that will be the only lasting reminder of the incident.
But, as I am fast aproaching 52, I do have to agree, getting old blows major chunks….the famous words of Bette Davis come to mind, “Getting old isn’t for sissy’s”….no truer words were ever spoken!
Oh yes, getting older blows. It blows mightily.
Your blessed that this was all that happened to you. Praise God for small injuries, it could have been much worse….but I ogtta tell ya…you should have seen it comming…carrying a pressure washer up a ladder? Come on.