September 22, 2006
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COLD SKIVVIES
I watched the season premier of “Criminal Minds” Wednesday night, and as a result I’ve been thinking a lot about my mother. My mother was a very interesting woman; homemaker, wife, mother, friend, confidant, and…paranoid schizophrenic.
In the television show, the mother of FBI agent Spence Reid is a schizophrenic who is able to help her son solve an especially heinous crime. Her character was a charming woman who was certain the government was spying on her while she cheerfully lectured a non-existent class on the medieval romance of Tristan and Isolde. My mother was a charming woman who was certain a nationwide ring of evil real estate agents was tracking her every move while she cheerfully carried on a very close, but completely imaginary, relationship with the Oak Ridge Boys.
I’m telling you…you can’t make up stuff that good.
Being the only child of a schizophrenic parent can make for a colorful childhood. My mother often became confused and had an interesting habit of putting my socks and underwear in the refrigerator after she did laundry rather than putting them in my dresser. There is nothing quite like digging your tighty-whiteys out of the vegetable crisper to put a real spring in your step.
I never really realized that things were “different” at my house until I became much older. I assumed everyone’s mom was terrified of people in Century 21 jackets. Despite the fact that she was certifiably cuckoo, I always thought she was a great mom. I never doubted I was loved, and I always knew that she was doing the best that she could.
As I watched the show I wondered what the world that existed in the mind of the schizophrenic character was like, and I’ve been wondering what the world my mother lived in was actually like. Unfortunately, I’ll never really know. She died at the age of 51 in the mental ward of a local hospital. That age is only three years away for me and for some reason that gives me a sense of connection with my mother that I haven’t experienced before.
It’s time for bed, but before I crawl under the covers I think I’m going to go throw a pair of boxers in the freezer.
It might give me a cold ass but I’m pretty sure it’ll warm up my heart.
Comments (28)
I’m sure there are books written that might give you some insight.
I’m sure I’d find that an interesting read. The complexities of the mind… such an intriguing topic.
So your Dad never explained that Mom was kind of different?
I remind me kids about their father’s mental instability all the time.
Ps. That is the one show I delete before my kid’s can see it. The storylines always have such random, non-deserving victims… I feel it might scare them. The show’s really not that great, which is disappointing. Good cast and interesting premise… ach.
Aww, Mark, God bless you. I do not say that with any kind of smug pity, for as you know, my mother had mental health problems, paranoia being a big one. Your mom’s short life was tragic, but not without great merit. In spite of her struggle, she raised a great son who accepted her and recognized her love. I know she is proud.
Kathi
Apparantly your Mom had the secret to child rearing down pat because you seem to have turned out just fine and thats more than I can say for lots of other people who had text book parents.
You have such a warm and loving heart. I can’t even imagine what your mom endured. What great memories you have of her. I imagine even without cold undies and a cold butt, you remember her often! Thanks for sharing something so personal and so touching.
I have always deeply missed knowing that woman. Even though I never had the opportunity, I know that she loved me well. I watched the episode tonight and thought of her as well. You were very, very lucky to have her (and by extension, so was I). I think your experiences with your mom taught you a lot about what you’ve become. You understand that each person has their own little perceptual world. Not only do they have them, but those little worlds can provide insight, humor, and even wisdom in their sanity or insanity. Your mother helped you understand that no matter what is going on with a person, their worth is unchanging.
I thank her for you passing that on.
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As an aside, CM is one of my favorite shows on TV, and not just because one of my heros (Mandy Patinkin) is a star. It makes me seriously consider forensic research again…
Thanks for a glipse into your childhood. That line about digging your undies out of the crisper made me laugh out loud. All things considered, you admit that she did the best she could and that you always knew she loved you. That’s all any parent can hope for.
What a beautifully written and loving tribute to your mother.
I am manic/depressive, a/k/a bipolar disorder, and it usually manifests itself in either OCD or schizophrenia. My husband and I watched “A Beautiful Mind” together when it first came out, and it made me cry harder than almost anything else I can remember–because they GOT it, in that film. They got inside that mind.
I am so fortunate that the good medications and intensive therapy I had make my condition so manageable that my daughter won’t ever remember me the way I was just a few years ago. My schizo tendencies reappear only when my meds need adjusting, and then they seem only to do one of two things: either I will come instantly wide awake and SEE my daughter standing beside my bed (and she never is, but is always deeply and peacefully asleep) or I will see something run across the floor…like a mouse…in my peripheral vision (and again, there never is.)
Thank you too, for being the kind of person that would make someone feel ‘safe’ enough to reveal this kind of thing here. I do every single thing I can (diet, exercise, light therapy, drugs) to manage this for optimum results, and it is always one of my best days when someone tells me they would never have guessed that I struggle with this.
Wish I’d known your mother. I am glad to ‘know’ you.
This was awesome, thanks for sharing!
Those last 2 lines are the most touching thing I’ve heard in a long time.
Despite being ill, she was obviously a wonderful mother and did a great job raising you. I’m glad you can look back on your childhood, and even the frozen tighty whiteys, with fondness.
You are a wonderful son….bless you!
Wonderful tribute to your mother despite her mental problems. Isn’t it interesting that we still manage to be functioning adults despite the the odd smattering of baggage our parents hand down to us? I grew up with a psycho, alcoholic father and an over-critical mother who was angry all the time at my father. Interesting that I lived to tell the tale with some small pieces of self-esteem still intact.
Wow. Nice done, Mark.
But did you find the lettuce in your dresser drawer?
More seriously, it amazes me that those of us who grew up in a less than Cleaver-like household turn out so well. My mother suffered from undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder, which made my childhood somewhat…adventurous. I was an only child of a single parent at a time when that was unusual, so I knew we were different but didn’t see just how nutty she was until after I had left home.
haha i thought id comment since i was at your page earlier and youll just see my name on here again. so hello
Just wanted to say hello…. Very nice tribute to your mom
*sniffle*
So good to see your post. I am sure it could be rough dealing with someone who had that diagnosis. I am sure you have many good memories of your mom too and that is what matters most. You are a wonderful son to treasure even those things that most of us wouldn’t understand. Hugs to you my friend.
Reading this, I was reminded of the book “Running With Scissors” by Augusten Burroughs. You make a very good point in that we don’t think anything out of the ordinary of those things we experience everyday. In your case, it was quirkiness that you accepted, but it explains why some people accept much worse, no ?
And I thought it was “cold hands, warm heart”, when all this time it was cold undies
lol…and so sweet, too. Well done!
Perhaps your mother being “different” is what gave your your great personality. This was the best post I ever read. Ever.
Mr.Labouff, I’m sure you were old enough to be in that WWII movie, no?
Mark, You have a great memory of your mother. You were blessed to have had her for the time you did and are able to find the funny things in a bad situation. I really admire you for that.
Now I do have to say this…. When I’m doing about three things at once I have been known to put odd things in the fridge…even frozen items up in the pantry. That scares me!
This was a heartwarming entry.
That is so adorable. My friend’s mother is certain she had a close relationship with JFK, and that her former employer (dead these many years) has somehow through the years been the cause of her various ailments,and that there is a huge sum of money set aside for her but her podiatrist’s office manager can only discuss it with her while seated. If she discusses it while standing it’s illegal. Wink. Otherwise nice lady.
That was a heckuva post.
But before you put on those icy undershorts, I have a word of warning: “Shrinkage.”
I think your heart is already pretty warm.
I’m sorry you lost your mom at such at young age, Mark. My mother has undiagnosed mental problems, but she’s pretty much shut everyone out. It’s heartbreaking at times. I bet your mom would be incredibly proud of the man, husband, and father that you’ve become.
My cousin is bipolar.
On a positive note, he’s God. It’s nice to have friends or family with a little pull.
For some reason though, he hates dishes. Maybe the plates were sodomizing the cups. I don’t know what they did, BUT THEY WON’T BE DOING IT ANYMORE!