May 26, 2006
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IT’S A BITCH BEING OLD AND USELESS
When your children are little they need you for everything; from wiping their little asses and noses (it’s probably best for the child if it’s not done in that order) to making sure that the slime monster isn’t in their closet or under their bed. As they get older the inverse square law takes over and they need you less and less until they go to college; at which point they don’t really need you, just your bank accounts, retirement savings, and what clothes you have left on your back.
Parents like to complain about the drain of constantly meeting the needs of their children. Well, for you parents whose children are still at home, let me say that it’s actually a bitch when it suddenly stops.
When my son went off to college several years ago I gave him his own American Express card which was billed to my account. We had a long running joke that his wedding day was the date on which he would officially be “cut off.” The day after my son’s wedding he took the American Express card out of his wallet and handed it back to me. I was shocked at how much I didn’t want it back.
He’s now been married a year. He is commuting several times a week from
Do you know how I found out about this? I read it on his blog! (If you want to read his account of the incident, it’s incredibly funny and is entitled “Montezuma was a Coyote”)
When you are a responsible adult and things like this happen to you, you deal with them, take care of what needs to be taken care of, and go on. When I read his blog, part of me was incredibly proud that he is that responsible adult.
Part of me felt like I had been kicked in the gut that he no longer needs to come to Dad to take care of his problems.
The cycle of life will continue. One day I may need him to come to my nursing home and wipe my ass and my nose (again, hopefully not in that order). We have an understanding, however, about whatever nursing home he puts me into. There won’t be a slime monster under my bed; I expect it to be
Comments (19)
congratulations, Dad. You did a good job.
all the best with the halle berry thing ; )
Mark, I’m sure your son knows he is pretty darned lucky to have you as a dad. I don’t mean because you didn’t shred his American Express card years ago, either. Your first paragraph sums up how I’ve been feeling about my son’s senior year, now over. I’m glad it’s a universal phenomenon! None of my kids are married yet, but I find myself wishing we weren’t going to be “cutting off” S when he graduates in December. He can stay at home, rent-free, as long as he wants to (1 day, lol) but he’s going to have to take over car insurance, health insurance, taxes, etc. Hubby is afraid we won’t have enough for retirement if we don’t do that, but I’d always like to help out the kids. Call me Mother of Peter Pans!
Kathi
Oh come now, you know better than to think that I don’t need you (or that you’re old and useless).
Being stranded a couple of times and taking care of it wasn’t an example of how little I needed your support, but how much of it I’ve internalized. I guarantee, the only reason I’m capable of responding to less than wonderful situations is because of the lessons you’ve taught me and are still teaching me. While I was hanging out across the street from the family drinking Lone Star (the national beer of Texas) and kicking their Rottweiler, I was channeling all of the opportunities I’ve had to see you and my mother handle situations.
I thought about your sales experience when I delt with my insurance company. Do I have every right to be really pissed off and make demands about service? Sure! But you’ve demonstrated that the person on the other end of the phone in Macon, GA didn’t replace my overflow valve, so it’s probably not going to do me any good to go off on them. I also channeled your experience when I was standing there with my wife, realizing that I could get mad, or I could take it easy and keep her calm and happy.
You’re the reason I was able to take care of it. You provided your support and aid by teaching me to fish, instead of giving me one (forgive the ancient analogy). You are, as you well know, still desperately needed.
Besides, we’re moving soon, and I need you to carry that couch down the stairs again.
Oh, and I thought the deal was Eliza Dushku as the nurse…has this changed to Mrs. Berry?
How appropriate that you wrote this post on the day after my daughter graduated HS when I am feeling especially old and useless. I know she will still need us (and especially our bank account!) when she leaves for college in the fall, but I will really miss the day to day parenting, the cheer competitions and the band concerts, the late night talks drying her tears when she complains about boys being stupid jerks, and the loud parties when she has her friends over. I’m sure that someday I will read her blog and be surprised and proud to hear that she handled a situation well, just as your son did, and I will know that I raised her well.
I’ll have you know that I’m a good child. When we were stranded on the side of the road I called my mother while he was on the phone with Geico.
Amen brother!…My eldest just flew back to Japan, where he will spend a 3rd year, this time he will not be teaching, but will be making a documentary and other amazing things that I never had the courage to do….I am both proud and scared shitless for him, but, he has proven since graduating from college 4 years ago, that he is an adult, and can take care of himself….and that makes me proud, and SAD all at the same time!
Wonderful father…wonderful son. No accident.
You’d have to be pretty old to want to keep Halle UNDER the bed.
LOL….my daughter is now officially a senior in high school….I just keep thinking that this time next year….she will pretty well be free to do as she wishes…..YIKES, that scares me to death! I suppose they all have to grow up and become responsible adults….otherwise, we would not be so proud! lol That’s a great pic of you at the piano up there. Have a great Memorial weekend.
I just read your son’s response and have forgotten what I was going to say. Wow. Just… wow.
Good job, Dad. That boy of yours is amazingly well raised.
Halley Barry may not look the same by the time you reach nursing home status….you might wanna re-think that one….pick someone who is a toddler right now and then when your eighty she will at least still be in the realm of her better years and well over the jail bait years. Think ahead man.
dont you think you are a little old to be
on xanga how old are you?
ah yes…the circle of life does go round & round!
Congratulations to a father on a job well done..you raised a fine man!
Well hold on just a minute there old man. Before you go putting yourself in the nursing home just yet, they will need you again….it’s the part of life that involves your GRANDKIDS. You get another round of raising kids before they put you away in a home.
And isn’t it just music to your ears to hear about how well you raised a fine man, provider to his wife and responsible. Great work!!!
I just noticed the new profile pic. Hot!
Random Props:
Glad to hear your son is fine, too bad for the coyote. I think I should get my mom hooked n blogging. It might be good therapy. She too is starting to feel the empty nest syndrome. Me being her last born its been that much tougher for her to cope with. But it seems you did a great job helping to raise your son and he’s turned out just fine. Hopefully he’ll be the kind of dad to his kids that you were to him.
BTW: how is Tulsa these days? Its my home town but I havent been back in years.
Have a blessed day,
Shelly
I’m still in the ass-wiping/nose blowing (not in that order), and I try hard to enjoy my boys as much as I can. There are days, though…….whoa. Let’s just say that there are DAYS!
I hope that the monster under my bed will be…..
by the time I’m old enough to have to be put in a home, I hope to figure that out. By then, all the child stars will be middle-aged hotties, so I’ll just wait until then.