November 19, 2005

  • My “Xangaversary” is a few days away. In honor of the countless hours I’ve spent on Xanga over the past year, I’m re-posting five of my favorite posts (one a day) from the last twelve months. Here is offering number 3:


     


    Friday, April 15, 2005








     


    NEATO, GEE-WHIZ, GROOVY, FAR-OUT, AND RIGHT-ON!


     


    If you’re old enough to have ever seriously used one of the words or phrases above in everyday conversation then, like me, you are probably hopelessly out of touch with the hip new jive talk the kiddos are speaking today.


     


    I discovered this recently when I looked up the Xanga sites of some High School students I know personally. After reading through pages and pages of their posts, the burning question that was on my mind was, “huh?”  I mean, it was apparent they were speaking English, but it was also apparent that none of the words they were using meant what I’ve always thought they meant.


     


    Thinking that these students I knew might be suffering from some sort of shared brain fever that was altering their cognitive abilities, I began to link to more and more student blogs to see if all High School students were speaking in this strange new dialect. That’s when it became apparent; the contemporary slang train has left the station and I’m no longer on board.


     


    In the interest of inter-generational communication, I immediately launched into an exhaustive study of these strange new speech trends. The result is a short dictionary of common terms that might help us all to understand what the hell it is these kids are talking about.


     


    Before I begin to list specific definitions, I’d like to point out that the first thing I noticed about their speech is that it has a distinctive black-urban flavor. It’s as if they are all trying out for a guest spot on Def Poetry Jam. I find this humorous because the students that I know are:


     


                A.        so white they glow in the dark, and


     


    B.        so upper-middle class that their idea of “roughing it” is having to drive mom’s Lexus to school because their Beemer is being detailed.


     


    With that in mind, I offer the following three definitions: (more will follow in later posts)


     


    BITCHES


     


    I’m old enough to remember when people actually used this term to describe canines of the female persuasion. I remember being nine years old and visiting an uncle that raised bird dogs. My uncle made the comment that he had to “tie up his bitch because she was in heat.”  I began to giggle under my breath because I thought that was the naughtiest thing I’d ever heard an adult say. My uncle just looked at me like I was crazy because, to him, that statement was no more scandalous than saying he put the car in the garage because it was raining.


     


    Most of the folks in my generation have used the term to describe women who have personalities that are somewhat less than congenial.  Neither of these uses could be farther away from the current meaning which is:


     


    Bitches   noun, plural 


     


    1.         A term of endearment referring to a small group of close friends or acquaintances.  Example sentence:  Me and my bitches are taking daddy’s Jag down to Starbucks for some lattes.


     


     


    GHETTO


     


    If the first thing that pops in your head when you see the word “Ghetto” is Elvis Presely singing:


     


    On a cold an gray Chicago morn


    A poor little baby child is born


    In the ghetto


    (in the ghetto)


    and his momma cries.


     


    Then you need to push yourself up with your walker and go grab a pen and a piece of paper because I have a new definition for you:


     


    Ghetto   adjective


     


    1.         A term describing anything that is of extremely poor grade or quality. Example sentence:  I just scuffed these $300.00 sneakers my parents bought for me, so I guess I’m going to have to throw them away because now they are freaking ghetto.


     


    PIMP


     


    When most adults hear the word “pimp”, it conjures up visions of a man in a purple hat with an ostrich feather, wearing a mink coat, and driving a 1972 Eldorado with fur on the dash. If that’s true for you, you’ve been watching too many re-runs of blaxploitation movies from the 70’s, because the new definition is:


     


    Pimp   adjective


     


    1.         Opposite of Ghetto. A term describing anything of extreme quality or anything that is very desirable.  Example sentence:  The new tattoo that Haley has on her ass, which is clearly visible because her low-rider jeans don’t come up far enough to cover even half  of her thong, is defiantly pimp.


     


    Next time: The “F-word” and how students are able to use it as a noun, verb, adjective, and adverb, all in the same sentence!


     


    If you are unsure of the definition of any words that you’ve heard teens use, please leave them in a comment and I’ll get my crack team of researchers working on it right away.


     


    In conclusion I’d just like to say that all my bitches need to leave some comments because comments are pimp, and people who don’t leave them are freaking ghetto.

Comments (17)

  • This is fabulous !!  And so true.  Some years back, I sat my eldest down for a little talk, during which I informed her that I hated to burst her bubble, but she wasn’t a poor black child, and wasn’t likely to be one in the near future.  It did no good, of course, since she was a teen, but I did try.

    And hey, I’m really looking forward to the demonstration of the versatility of the “F-word” !!

  • ::laughs:: You noticed that too? My oldest is near 21 now, I’ve had my crash courses and I would bet there is a lot more learning to do with the ever mutating english language and my other up-and-coming teens! After my post and yours, well I am REALLY feeling old now! RYC: ::pushes his walker closer to him so he doesnt fall out of his chair leaning over to grab it::

  • oh yes… teenage lingo…  very familiar in my house, for sure.  I don’t really hear it as much as I read it on their Xanga’s or their MySpace’s.  It’s a different world, for sure…

  • That was.. um.. really pimp, yo.

  • i must say that one of your definitions is off. i’m sorry to have to be the bearer of bad news. ghetto is not a bad thing now, it can also be a good thing, it all depends on context. for example: my car is so ghetto fabulous now that i got those new seat covers! translation: my car is such a peice of junk, but now, look how cool it is that i got something with which to cover up the nasty, rotting fabric that was totally getting me down! other than that little snag, it was well-defined. and i hope that i will never be one to pretend to be black, because, frankly, i do glow in the dark, and i can’t dance– two things that are the curse of the baptist faith i have yet to shake… maybe i should stop going to a baptist school, then, huh? something for me to think about, i guess.

  • RYC:  You’re right, I do.  But I wait until I have none left.  Sometimes I buy more so I don’t have to do laundry!

  • Quote: “,,,so upper-middle class that their idea of “roughing it” is having to drive mom’s Lexus to school because their Beemer is being detailed.” Ah, the pitfalls of the “nouveau riche” and gone the day of adolescent pride in the souped up jalope. There is always a hint of truth in satire and sometimes astonishing to see student cars in a high school parking lot that would pay a teacher’s mortgage.

    Peace~

  • Gee, Buddy, I thought I was hip….too hip to be cool.  I AM too sexy for my talk, too sexy for my talk.  Gosh, man, what’s up!!  This is so cute. (do you know my grandmother used the word “cute” in a letter I have dated 1923?) Isn’t that cool?   Fabulous,man….it’s narly if I do say so myself.  Far Out…  U R 2 sweet 2 B 4 gotten….Later alligator!!

    I think I hurt myself…

  • I am fortunate (!) to be in the company of teenagers quite a bit right now, as my house is the gathering place my daughter’s group of high school seniors… and the kids that “hang” here seem to be a bit more vocabulary-savvy than most (fewer instances of duh, like, um… than in many places…). 

    You missed one of the primary definitions of “pimp”.  This is also used in reference to “tricking out” or customizing something one has.  My daughter’s friend has “pimped out” his car with the utmost top of the line accessories and stuff.  Of course, it’s a pimped-out minivan, but hey, it’s a ride!

    BTW, we at least live in an upper middle class melting pot – only one of her friends drives an H2, and only one has a new Crossfire… My kid has a Cherokee with over 100,000 miles on it…

  • I am so …old…..I dig the new talk tho,,,but I won’t adopt it…no I’m keeping my own jargon thank you very much:)

  • I was so furious when I heard that one of Daughter’s guy friends called her one of his bitches. Who knew that it is now considered a term of endearment?! It still seems wrong to me! I guess I am now officially an old fogey!

  • I guess it’s odd for a woman my age to make the statement like   “That is so ghetto” in front of my co-workers.  I did promise my kids I’d never attempt to say  “Im gonna busta cap” again.  That’s my last attempt to try and be cool.  Think I’ll just go back to “Groovy”…that seemed to work for me when I was a teen.

  • Whenever I use one of the slang terms the modern kids use, Nell practically freaks out.  My pimp ride that the kiddeos fight over is so ghetto that they have affectionately named it the Ghetto Wagon.

    The terms I think are hilarious are metrosexual (meaning a boy that uses at least five hair products and can knowledgably converse on them), gay (meaning retarded, stupid), really gay (meaning a stupid retarded homosexual), nasty (meaning what we used to use wicked for), and tail feathers (meaning posterior).

    Since my middle name is Gay….I refuse to resemble that remark.

  • Almost forgot…..I love how being phat is now a good thing.  LOL

  • I’m a youth leader and I parent of two young aduts and I don’t know what any of them are talking about. I’m OK with that…..

  • this post is still funny (yet poignant) all these years later.

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