September 27, 2005

• Musicals based on the songs of folks with lots of DWI’s

  
  

   

  
  

  On Saturday, my wife and I went to go see the musical “Moving Out” which is comprised entirely of the music of Billy Joel and is based on characters from his song “Scenes from an Italian Restaurant”.

  
  

   

  
  

  It was a spectacular show. The musicians were great and the dancing was unbelievable. To my knowledge this now makes three musicals based on the catalogues of Rock/Pop musicians. In addition to the Billy Joel musical there is a Queen musical, and also one based on the music of ABBA (shudder).

  
  

   

  
  

  I’m a little disturbed by this trend. While it opens up a plethora of possible musicals for Broadway, I’m not sure that very many of them would be a good idea.

  
  

   

  
  

  Can you imagine a show based on the music of the Sex Pistols? I can, but it’s a scary thought. What about Alanis Morissette? The music could be interspersed with readings from Sylvia Plath poems and the show could end with mass suicide counseling.

  
  

   

  
  

  I also suppose that any number of country artists could have their songs developed into a musical. It wouldn’t matter which artist because they would all have the same plot; lose your wife, lose your house, lose your dog, etc. etc. ad nauseam.

  
  

   

  
  

  I would like to see someone try a musical based on the songs of Alice Cooper. Not because I’m particularly fond of his music, I’d just like to see how they would choreograph the song “Cold Ethyl.”

  
  

   

  
  

  There was one small hiccup with “Moving Out.” There is supposed to be a nude scene in the show, but the arts council here in the oil capital of Oklahoma knew that we Tulsa residents would all be mortified and disgusted by such a decadent display of depravity, so the dancer was covered for that particular number. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to drag out my dog-eared copies of National Geographic.

  
  

   

  
  

  My wife did point out that we had only heard there was going to be a nude scene and that I simply assumed it was going to be a woman. It could just have easily been one of the male dancers, which brings up…

  
  

   

  
  

  T and A please…not T and HA

  
  

   

  
  

  …the whole issue of the MPAA and television rating systems. It used to be that when you saw either NC-17 or TV-MA, you knew that there was going to be nudity and that it was going to be female nudity like God intended. There has been a very disturbing trend in the last ten years of the nudity actually being male. I truly believe that our founding fathers intended for all movie and television nudity to be female. I’m certain, though, that this trend isn’t going to end and that it will only get worse in the years ahead. Therefore I suggest an addition to the ratings systems so that unsuspecting male viewers like me are not caught unaware. I propose the ratings NC-17-HA and TV-MA-HA with “HA” standing for “hairy ass.” Speaking of disturbing trends in male nudity…

  
  

   

  
  

  Boy Toy Fever

  
  

   

  
  

  …the “older woman” with her “boy toy” social phenomenon is getting a great deal of press with the announcement of the marriage of Ashton Kutcher to Demi Moore. Apparently Demi is following in a long line of women celebrities who like their men on the “fresher” side. Other couples mentioned in the press include, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, Madonna and Guy Ritchie, and Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong.

  
  

   

  
  

  This begs the question; “Why would these younger men want to be in relationships with women that much older than they are?” Duh…have you seen Demi Moore, Susan Sarandon, and Sheryl Crow? It actually makes perfect sense. Older women, as a rule, tend to be a lot more interesting. The real question is why beautiful, intelligent, talented women such as these would want to date someone like Ashton Kutcher?  I mean, come on, Ashton Kutcher?!?!?  Does Demi want their honeymoon to show up on an episode of “Punked?”

  
  

   

  
  

  I suppose there is the issue of the disparity of when the two genders reach their sexual peak. This is actually one of life’s cruelest jokes, because if we were to follow it to the letter, women in their 40’s could only date 18 year old guys.

  
  

   

  
  

  I think I’ve figured it out, though. Since men tend to take such lousy care of themselves and have a tendency to drop dead about 10 years earlier than women, this is the female species’ way of not having to spend the last years of their life alone. However, if the trend continues, that shouldn’t be a problem because those feisty widows can just go pick them up a hot 20-something boy toy.

  • 12:30 pm
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