June 27, 2012
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DR. OZ MUST DIE!!!
DR. OZ MUST DIE!!!
My wife is addicted to Dr. Oz. I’ve offered to pay for her to go to a rehab clinic in Tahiti but she’s not interested in getting better. We have 128 episodes of Dr. Oz on the DVR and if I wander out of the living room for even a second and forget to hide the remote, when I come back his perfect teeth and thick wavy hair are staring at me from the TV.
What is it about Dr. Oz that makes middle aged women act like 12 year old girls at a Justin Bieber concert? They giggle, they sweat, they absent-mindedly touch themselves in ways that are inappropriate on national television. Sure, he’s a multi-millionaire. Sure, he’s a cardiothoracic surgeon. Sure, he has a jaw line that makes him look like the bizzare love child of Brad Pitt and Jay Leno, but can he belch the alphabet? I THINK NOT!
Out of good taste I’ll refrain from mentioning that you could launch an aircraft carrier off of those ears.
My main problem with Dr. Oz is that he cares way too much about what I eat and how much I poop. I have survived for 53 years quite nicely on a Mt. Dew and Twinkie diet, thank you very much, and I don’t need anybody messing with something that is working perfectly well. Not only that but Dr. Oz wants me to walk. Dr. Oz wants me to eat lots of vegetables and lay off caffeine. Dr. Oz wants me to go get a colonoscopy. Dr. Oz wants me to be regular. In fact, he is simply WAY too concerned about what goes in and out of my rectum.
The main problem with Dr. Oz is that he gives my wife ideas; ideas that don’t gel with me vegging out on the couch with a gallon of Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla ice cream and a guart of Hershey’s chocolate syrup. I can ignore Dr. Oz, but I can only ignore my wife for so long before I find myself sleeping on the porch.
Therefore, on behalf of all men everywhere, I’m announcing that Dr. Oz must die.
Unfortunately, he’s so friggin healthy he’ll probably live to be 120.
Bastard.
Comments (11)
I find him kinda annoying myself
I use to watch and like Mehmet (we’re close, that’s what I call him) but after awhile I found everything too formulaic. Normally I am work when he’s on but I worked from home for a couple of months during my unfortunate poisoning via IV and I kept trying him again and I just couldn’t do it.It’s amazing the effect he has on certain markets though. Natural food stores have to watch him just so they know what there will be a run on. Crazy.
I’ve never liked the guy. He annoys me. His tone is always like ‘OMG THIS IS THE GREATEST BIT OF INFORMATION EVER THAT WILL HAVE SUCH A HUGE IMPACT ON YOUR ENTIRE LIFETIME’ and all he’s doing is telling you a “better” way to blow your nose, for example. Give me a fucking break.
Yeah, let’s kill the bastard.
Haha! My Mom is the same way! Every day when we talk on the phone she will tell me something I need to do, “Because Dr. Oz says so!” Bah! If you need any help with the murder, just let me know!
Yeah, I’m a fan. “swoon…”
I have seen him but never was a fan. I will have to say after all his preaching about what to do to stay so healthy he still ended up with precancerous colon polyps just proving you can do everything right and still get sick.
I liked him when he was a guest on other shows; I find him beyond annoying on his own. And the stupid bits his audience members participate in? Oh, puhlease!
It’s the opposite with me and my husband. He’s always telling me everything Dr. Oz says, so it must be right! Gah.
He’s a fucking idiot who either dispenses obvious advice, or outright lies. He’s like Dr. Phil, but looks less like a walking penis with a mustache.
im with ya! he’s annoying. life’s no fun without copious amounts of caffeine, alcohol, and processed foods.
He looks like an elf that lives in your colon.