December 29, 2004

• THE END OF AN ERA

  
  

  I’ve had a ritual that I’ve observed religiously for over twenty years. Every Sunday morning I run out to the curb and pick up the Tulsa World Newspaper. I tear into the paper to find the section I’m looking for (no, it’s not the sports section – see earlier entry about having been born without the male sports gene).  When I find it, I open it to the inside of the first page to find……..

  
  

  Dave Barry’s weekly column.

  
  

  I won’t say that Dave’s writing is more important to me that the Bible, but I’ve certainly read Dave more.

  
  

  A couple of weeks ago I was driving along listening to NPR when they announced that they were about to do an interview with Dave. I got so excited that I dropped my cell phone, my large order of McDonald’s french fries, my Game Boy and all of the other things that typically distract me from being a good driver. The interview began and I heard  words that chilled me to the bone……Dave Barry is retiring.   This is like a death in the family, only more tragic.

  
  

  I’m not sure when the retirement takes place but I propose a national day of mourning.

  
  

  In honor of his retirement I’m going to post the opening to his year in review column:

  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  
  

  Posted on Sun, Dec. 26, 2004

  R E L A T E D   C O N T E N T  YEAR IN REVIEW 2004 | The politics, the passion, and Paris DAVE BARRY Looking back on 2004, we have to conclude that it could have been worse. ”HOW??” you ask, spitting out your coffee. Well, OK, a giant asteroid could have smashed into the Earth and destroyed all human life except Paris Hilton and William Hung. Or Florida could have been hit by 20 hurricanes, instead of just 17. Or the Yankees could have won the World Series. But no question, 2004 was bad. Consider: • We somehow managed to hold a presidential election campaign that for several months was devoted almost entirely to the burning issue of: Vietnam. • Our Iraq policy, despite being discussed, debated and agreed upon right up to the very highest levels of the White House, did not always seem to be wildly popular over there in Iraq. • Osama bin Laden remained at large for yet another year (although we did manage, at long last, to put Martha Stewart behind bars). • The federal budget deficit continued to worsen, despite the concerted effort of virtually every elected official in Washington — Republican or Democrat — to spend more money. • As a nation, we managed somehow to get even fatter, despite the fact that anti-carbohydrate mania worsened to the point where the average American would rather shoot heroin than eat a bagel. • The “reality”-show cancer continued to metastasize, so that you couldn’t turn on the TV without seeing either Donald Trump or a cavalcade of dimwits emoting dramatically about eating bugs, losing weight, marrying a millionaire or remodeling a bathroom. • Perhaps most alarming of all, Cher yet again extended her ”farewell” tour, which began during the Jimmy Carter administration and is now expected to continue until the sun goes out. So all things considered, we’re happy to be entering a new year, which according to our calculations will be 2005 (although the exit polls are predicting it will be 1997). But before we move on, let’s swallow our anti-nausea medication and take one last look back at 2004, which began, as so many years seem to, with … You’ll have to go to your Sunday paper to read the rest. I’ve got to go take a Prozac and lie down.

  • 12:14 pm
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