April 17, 2008
-
No Hablo Christianese
NO HABLO CHRISTIANESE
Every profession, academic discipline, social group, and Dungeons and Dragons conclave has its own vocabulary or “jargon.” For example, when my son talks about neuroscience I wrinkle my forehead and nod knowingly, despite the fact that I don’t have a friggin’ clue what he’s talking about. That’s because I know nothing about neuroscience, although I believe it has something to do with your head.
The problem with jargon is that it often comes off as pedantic or exclusionary. I think this is especially true of “Christianese.” I’ve been thinking about this lately because several of the responses I got to my last two posts were written in Christianese. That’s ok; I knew what they were talking about because I happen to be fluent in Christianese. In fact, that’s pretty much the only language I spoke during my years in the ministry.
However, having stepped slightly outside of that paradigm several years ago my ears have begun to hear Christianese the way someone who is not familiar with that language might hear it.
In other words, it’s started to sound pretty silly.
Let me give you some examples. One of my favorites is; “I just received a word from God.” For those of you who routinely use that phrase it sounds normal, but try to imagine how that phrase sounds to someone who did not grow up in an evangelical church.
It sounds like the person saying it is completely nuts.
In fact, when someone says that to me today I typically respond with something like; “and what was that word? Porcupine? Pogonotrophy? Perambulator? Did you get any words from the Increase Your Word Power page in last month’s Reader’s Digest?
I say things like to people because I am (as one of the commenters on my last post so eloquently put it) an “asshat.”
Christianese becomes really fun when someone strings several patented Christianese phrases together such as; “I feel led to intercede for you because of the chasm that exists between you and the savior due to your iniquities. I pray that you will heed God’s call to repent and seek his face as you accept his invitation to become a born again and spirit filled believer.”
Huh??
Come on now…those of you with a background like mine. You’ve said something very close to that, haven’t you? You know you have…you can admit it.
So, to all of my fellow evangelicals out there, allow me to speak some Christianese directly to you: If you really want to be salt and light, stop talking like a televangelist with a bad suit and even worse hair, just speak English.
No Hablo Christianese.
Comments (20)
The only thing you left out was His shed blood.
Well spoke!
that’s why I like my pastor so much, he doesn’t speak christianese either, he’s a southern boy from Possom Kingdom haha (yeah that’s a real place)
Christianese always makes me uncomfortable….like they’ve been brainwashed and can’t think of anything to say in their own words, so they can only speak what they’ve heard over and over.
You know, I actually went back and re-read my earlier response to see if I lapsed into Christianese. I felt so blessed when I saw that I had written in plain English… it was like a burden lifted off my shoulders, akin to walking through the valley of the shadow of death and coming out the other side into the promised land.
At my church, a lot of folks use really… flowery Christianese when they pray, and I often feel like.. I’m not good enough, or not spiritual enough, because I can’t speak fluently in Christianese. When I try, I notice that I have a very worldly accent, and I wonder sometimes if God could understand what I’m saying.
But your post is awesome (uplifting), because it shows me that even an asshat (sinner) like myself can talk directly to God without having to learn all the jargon.
You have filled my cup to overflowing, Mark. Blessed be your Xanga.
You made me smirk! I don’t usually smirk… I come from a “bare bones” prayer background – “Thank you Lord for this food. Amen” And when I have to sit through a 5 minute food prayer (in chrstianese), well, I start having unchristian thoughts (like is this chicken getting cold or the butter isn’t going to melt on the potatoes let alone the broccoli). Once at a conference the gentleman giving the benediction went on so long someone unplugged his microphone “accidently” and there issued a grand AMEN from the assembly. Then we all laughed so hard we cried.
Your post is so true. MURISOPSIS’s comment was GREAT. As I have gotten older, I have gotten a horrible case of A.D.D. and if anyone starts talking long and boring to me and throws in a few words that I don’t have a clue about, I start thinking about the green thing stuck between their teeth or….that kid that did the splits during the 2nd grade spelling bee and ripped his pants but I was the one who got in trouble because I laughed….or….what I might make for supper tonight. Our pastor is an amazing man (who does not use alot of Christianese), who usually has alot of modern-day humor thrown into his sermons….but when he starts talking about who begat who or Heckamia and Jackamia and Rickamia and whoever else has a name like that…. I venture off into my own little world…wondering if anyone would notice if I chunky-dunked in the baptismal….
I can appreciate this so much. I grew up a Mormon and thier Christianese is very specific and more convoluted that even regular Christianese. It’s also designed to be dismissive and condescending, but they wouyld never admit to it. What I hate worst is when it’s used as a weapon to make others feel ‘not’ religeous enough.
Have a great week!
yep
This was a great post. The past several years, I’ve been making the rounds to several different evangelical churches (and a few charismatic ones, now they’ve got some really awesome Christianese!) and growing up Catholic, these churches seemed foreign to me. Thank you for speaking out against Christianese!
Christianese!! I’m stealing that! I was raised Christian, but now it sounds like Chinese to me! Might as well say: “The tooth fairy has bestowed upon me wisdom via her magic dust…” It’s all supernatural nonsense.
Brillant. I grew up speaking “Christianese” and when I did “step out of it” I realized how…..exclusive it makes us, and how it can alienate someone. Thanks for reminding me to watch my language, lol. ~ L
Someone should remind me not to read your post until my “water pill” has done it’s duty. Imagine what happens when I laugh with gusto!
OOOOOH, you faker. The phrase is actually, “I just received a fresh word from THE LORD”, not from “God”.
I currently speak “Eowyn-ese”, in which macaroni noodles are called “noosies”, tomatoes are “mados”, oranges are called “moh foot!”, tigers are “dagghers”, octopuses are “oppopus” and the answer to every question is “nnnnnNNNNOOOOOO!”.
Oh, and neuroscience does have something to do with you head. Well, maybe not YOUR head… (-:
Jesus wept.
This post has certainly been a blessing.
So what’s a girl to say to her potential future father-in-law when he’s “requiring” me to read a proverb a day? How do you battle Christianese that close to home?
I don’t have to worry about anyone claiming to receive the word of God, because as Catholics we’re now being taught that there is no such thing as a personal relationship with God, that is only exists within the confines of community. I for one, find it extremely refreshing to know that if I go to hell, I’m dragging all their asses with me !! Until the rules change next week, anyway.
“Take this cup, and drink from it. For this is the cup of my blood, the Blood of the new and ever lasting convenant. It shall be shed for you, and for all people, so that sins may be forgiven. Do this in memory of me.”
Just say the first three lines to anyone raised catholic. we can’t help but finish it. Its like having a horrible song stuck in your head.
Haha… christianese… I’m forwarding this post….oh yes…
YES!!!!!!