March 5, 2008
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Telemarketers: Human or Non-Human? That is the question.
TELEMARKETERS: HUMAN OR NON-HUMAN? THAT IS THE QUESTION
I got in trouble with my wife the other night for the way I answered a phone call from a telemarketer:
Caller ID: Service Master Carpet Cleaning Service
Me answering phone: “Thanks for calling but we have dirt floors”…click.
Now, come on…that’s kind of funny, isn’t it? My wife didn’t think so. In fact, she implied that I was being a complete horse’s ass.
Whether or not I was being a horse’s ass is really dependent on whether you think telemarketers qualify as human beings, or if you think they are vile, sub-human, scum-sucking leeches, residing at the Mariana Trench level on the scale of basic decency.
Although I tend to think of them in the later category, I know in my heart that they are just people who are trying to make a living by calling obnoxious people like me. That’s why I don’t scream or curse at them, or threaten to hunt down their families and assassinate everyone gangland style. Rather, I try to find creative ways of expressing my frustration with receiving 42 phone calls every evening.
I’ve employed the tried and true method of saying “Yes, I’m really interested, would you mind holding on for a second while I grab a pencil so I can take some notes?” and then setting the phone down and going back to watching TV just to see how long they will actually stay on the line. But that’s only fun so many times before it becomes cliché.
On many occasions I’ve picked up the phone and in my best Don Pardo voice said; “Congratulations, you’re the 10th telemarketing call tonight! You’ve won a chance to interview for a real job!”
Ok…perhaps I am a horse’s ass.
I’ve put our number on do-not-call lists. I’ve patiently and pleasantly thanked them for calling and then asked them to remove our name from their files. I’ve even made up sob stories to make them feel bad; “I’d really like to purchase your product, but since I’m a quadriplegic and attached to a respirator after the explosion in the mine, I can’t really reach my wallet to get to my credit card right now.” And yet the telemarketers continue to call in larger and larger numbers.
Obviously, I could turn the ringer on my phone off, but my wife’s mother who lives nearby is not in the best of health, and we don’t want to miss an actual important phone call. I’ve also thought about just dropping our land line and using only our mobile phones. That was until something happened the other day more horrifying than an IRS audit…I got a telemarketing call on my cell phone. It was one of those where there isn’t a real person on the line, but a recorded message instead. I’m sure the call was generated by a program that dials consecutive phone numbers, but the point is that the last bastion of telephonic privacy has been breached, and I feel as violated as a newcomer to a maximum security prison who makes the mistake of bending over to pick up the soap in the shower.
I can’t run, I can’t hide. They’re like zombies in a George Romero movie; clawing at the windows and doors, trying to find a way into my home until I break down and buy the damn porcelain cow figurines or the UFO insurance.
My wife suggests that I should be careful because if I keep continuing to be a jerk, someday, telemarketers will be the only phone calls I’ll ever receive, and that I just might appreciate the company.
In the meantime, this is the greatest prank ever played on a telemarketer:
http://howtoprankatelemarketer.ytmnd.com/
Comments (225)
Privacy Manager.
Does your phone company offer it?
For three dollars a month you become half as popular.
If it’s a machine (I hate those ones who say “Please hold for an important call..”) omg… if it’s that important they can call me in person and not have some machine dial the number. I just hang up. I had a telemarketer call me one time asking for donations for some campaign fund and, while I would have donated if I weren’t so broke, I told her so. She lowered her asking price wayyyyy down and kept lowering it and I kept saying “Sorry, I’m really broke” and she wouldn’t quit, so I finally told her that if she really wanted me to donate that badly, then she could personally give me the money and then, I’d be happy to donate it. She sat there for a moment, completely confused, and then hung up on me. LOL!
Very creative responses to the telemarketers…
Do you really get THAT many calls? I don’t have a land line, so, I guess I’m a bit off the loop. Except, I have received a couple of those pre-recorded ones on my cell. I agree – the last bastion of privacy has been breached, as you say, and it sucks. It truly does. Oh, well.
It could just be that you are so entertaining and clever in your answering and carrying on that your number has been sold for entertainment value. This could be a gift that back fires if not carefully and delicately used. Just a little “possible” answer to the “why” you have a growing problem. Maybe you could switch tactics and keep them on the phone for a very long time asking many, many mundane questions and then asking them more questions about their answers. Just a couple thoughts!!!
Have fun. PS My eldest son did this one time because the solicitor did not pronounce his last name correctly. My son, Jeff, actually gave the poor guy a phonic’s lesson and asked if he had graduated from HS and if so where, what sort of grades he made, etc. etc.? The guy was trying to get rid of my son. It was quite funny actually.
hmmm…i know some people take down the company info and report them. i think the fines are quite large. my friend use to say the person they’re trying to reach is deceased and burst into tears while spluttering about how they’re being very insensitive it was.
My husband does the same thing with telemarketers as you do. My favorite was when one of the long distance companies called trying to get us to switch. He talked really slow and said, “Long distance? Is that where you dial a 1 first? I’m not allowed to do that unless I ask permission.”
I’m a rude bitch and just hang up so whatever you are doing – I’m sure they appreciate the comedic response more than mine. Usually if it rings up caller id or an 800 number I just don’t answer….
Well, apparently for three days in 1969, I was one of the “vile, sub-human, scum-sucking leeches” selling Time-Life’s Nature Library over the phone to unsuspecting magazine subscribers. But only for three days. After three days my career in telemarketing came to an end. After that, I was vile for entirely different reasons.
I’ve been a member in good standing of Columbia House for a long time. They recently began making calls to my home trying to set me up with one promo after another. I received my last call yesterday at which I point, I lost all sanity and began to scream that I’d taken my last call from them at 8am. At which point, I got up, made coffee and took dogs out. None of us had planned on being awake at 8am, seeing as how we’d been up at 3 am. I also took the time to write Columbia House to express my displeasure at their numerous calls. I’m sure that someone will call me tomorrow at 8am to find out what they can do to make me happy again.
My (ex)SIL always throws the phone under her couch. She thinks it keeps the line open, and that they can’t call anyone else while your phone is still open. I don’t know if that’s so. What I always do is to ask for more information to be sent to me (if it’s a charity). The local Christmas Teddy Bear drive for the police station has hung up on me THREE years in a row. Now I ask you, how is that #1. Christian? … #2. Intelligent? At ALL?! … and mostly #3. Conducive to me *ever* giving to their teddy bear charity, and/or having *any* feel-good moments about the local smokies? One time, all I’d asked was to know more about the charity! I’d actually thought of making one of the bears or something….
AGGGH
But the worst is the, “My name is Jackaroobeegyma, IamcallingfromHoocheeSmoochee, HOWAREYOUDOINGTODAYMRS(x)?BecausehaveIgottheproductforyou,youwon’tbelievetheproduct…” (I’m still back at “How are you doing”… I WANT to offer the standard, “Well, yeah, my osteoarthritis/migraines/TMJ is acting up…OH WAIT, I’M ABOUT TO HAVE A GRAND MAL SEIZURE…!!” (HAHAHA, yeah, I really should say that last one… Except that sadly, it *could* be true…)
I’m wondering what “Privacy Manager” is, for sure!…I’m definitely going to ask what that is.
Oh my gosh, this post made me laugh and I HAD to read every comment to see what others said about it. lol You and my husband should really get together and share your thoughts and ideas on this subject. On the phone with telemarketers, he has become everything from illiterate to suicidal to EXTREMELY redneck to escaped convict. It’s awful. Sometimes I just have to shake my head and roll my eyes when he answers the phone cause I never know WHAT crap is going to come out of his mouth next. I try to remember that these folks (if they ARE human) on the other end of the line are trying to earn money but dang, when they get pushy, THAT makes me angry. They are as bad as bill collectors. One time I had one ask WHY my payment was behind. I told them that the business where my husband and I worked had closed and we both lost our jobs (VERY true story). He had the nerve to say, “Yeah…right.” I suppose they hear the baloney stories enough to not believe it when it’s actually TRUE! lol Oh well. Thanks for the giggle.
This morning, I received a telemarketer call on my cellphone. It was at eight in the morning, I am a college student, and they call me at eight. Bastards behind the machines probably having their laughs.
What you said was very witty
I get about 10 calls a day asking me to hold while I’m connected to agent….then it tells me all of them are busy
bahahahaha, you are my hero. i either just hang up or claim not to speak english.
I usually hang up on them. I don’t give a fudge.
we are people too! we need to make calls to meet our requirements of the job but beware of giving away the slightest bit of info, it will be noted and be used for “future references” haha
i usually just hang up on them
they’re really fricken annoying
i mean, i understand it’s their job
but wow, you’d think they’d find a better profession
anywho, nice entry
Yes, it is funny
here is a number that you can call to take your cellphone number off of telemarketers lists for 5 years……this not a prank my mother who is a police officer sent me this
FYI
Cell phone numbers going public today
REMINDER…all cell phone numbers are being released to telemarketing companies today and you will start to receive sale calls.
….YOU WILL BE CHARGED FOR THESE CALLS
To prevent this, call the following number from your cell phone:
888-382-1222.
It is the National DO NOT CALL list. It will only take a minute of your time
It blocks your number for five (5) years. You must call from the cell phone number you want to have blocked. You cannot call from a different phone number.
HELP OTHERS BY PASSING THIS ON TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS.
It take about 20 seconds.
I’m nice to them because I realize that they’re just trying to put food on their tables.
yea i usually hang up on telemarketers. of course they are really people though…
& the prank at the bottom was hilarious.
Gah, I hate telemarketers. But still, they’ve probably got a wife and kids to feed, too.
OR DO THEY?!?!?
I do the same thing to teller marketers… Only I don’t have Caller ID… lol…
http://www.youtube.com/v/l7LCBSx-0cw
That Mabe thing was beautiful.
And, yes, telemarketers are people. Unfortunately most of them are probably college students.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I despise telemarketers and I am grateful that *someone* is giving them the proper response.
I sure like your reply.
)
we have caller id and i always just inform them they have the wrong number and just hung up. Xo.
nice responses. I would laugh being on the other end. Luckily I rarely have to do that kind of work in my phone job. I have done it before. We are actually people…
hahahaha enjoyed reading this
I’d forgotten all about that YTMND, it was great listening to it again! LOL!!!
I have friends who are in the telemarketing buisness, they say it’s easiest do deal with people who just hang up. Not only that, but it’s funny for them to hear people’s answer. Let’s be honest, you’re prolly one of dozens of calls they make a day, your joke is probibly going to end up being the highlight of their working week.
Also by being polite and just saying no repeatedly until they decide is not worth it is just a bad idea. Many companies I know say if the person on the phone simply says no but doesn’t hang up, they have to upsell to you, so if you can’t just put down the phone, being ‘nice’ makes them work more than they want to.
Just some things I picked up from my friends.
I vote your answer was awsome, btw.
Really guys, we’re just people too ! But I totally understand how annoying we can be, best thing to do? Just say no and hang up. Because the pranks or stupid comments really AREN’T that funny at all. But to be honest, when a person is especially rude or trying to be funny with their stupid smartass comments, I try to be “funny” right back and scedule quite a few call backs to their number at reaaallly inconvinents times or I just put them really high up on the priority list to get called each day.
If you’re on the government’s Do Not Call list, any telemarketer that calls you is breaking the law. Also, if you get an automatically dialed call on your cell phone, that company is also breaking the law. Dunno how much that helps or what you can actually do with them breaking the law, but yeah.
I haven;t had a landline in a while, just use my cell phone, and it’s fantastic. I did get one of those “your car’s warranty is about to expire” scam calls once, told them to stop calling, and then got a call with the same message from a different #. When I asked to be connected to a rep (pressed 3) it informed me that I was not allowed to be connected because my number had been removed and hung up on me. O.o; But that was a while ago and I haven’t had any more calls since.
I agree that it’s better to play pranks than to be a scary angry jerk. I work in a call center (I’m a debt collector, so consider myself a step above telemarketers, though many would disagree) and to be honest, the funny ones always make my day. The angry ones make me sad, but when someone tells a hilarious but mean joke before hanging up on me, I can’t help but smile. Plus, when I finally get the jokesters to realize that I’m not a telemarketer and they actually have to talk to me before I stop calling, they’re usually far more pleasant than any typical phone-answering-person.
i often have company when telemarketers call, so i have them act out fun things in the background. most recently, i had a friend of mine start screaming obscenities to me (“Get OVER HERE, you good-for-nothing…..!!!,” etc.) It was lovely. And, of course, required my immediate attention, so I was FORCED to leave the conversation I had grown so incredibly fond of.
But yours is funnier.
I think your respond is funny
I should try that next time. I’m sure they’re people, but it’s fun to prank them. It probably breaks the monotony of their job. Not that I get telemarketers anymore. Most people bother me with email spamming nowadays.
I used to be a telemarketer. Whenever someone like you was rude to me, I’d just push the button that made us call them a few days later. The way to get your name off is to sign up for the government do not call lists, and remember that they do expire. If you still keep getting calls, you can take legal action. Also, you can say the phrase “take me off your list”, and they should comply. By law, that’s the only phrase that’ll force them to get you taken off.
Telemarketers are people too… which makes it great fun to engage them in long, intimate conversations.
If you want to prank a telemarketer, try these two:
1. If a telemarketer calls and asks for, say, Mr. John Brown, tell them that John died in a tragic accident… a vicious attack by rabid wolves, an unfortunate mishap while experimenting with autoerotic asphyxiation, a bad day while wrestling alligators… the possibilities are endless.
2. Say a telemarketer calls. Make your voice, high-pitched and childlike when you say “hello.” The telemarketer will assume that you’re a small child and ask if mommy is home. Say, “I’ll check.” Put down the phone for a few seconds, return, and say, “She’s in the shower.” The telemarketer will ask if you daddy is home. Again, say, “I’ll check.” Put down the phone and return as before. Say, “He’s in the shower with Mommy.” The results I’ve gotten are something between shock, intrigued amusement, and a stammer, then a click.
Happy pranking! =)
Funny funny.
I don’t have caller ID..sucks.
Hahaha it’s been a while since I’ve sat down and actually laughed at an entry. This was great. Congrats on being featured
I am a telemarketer.
(kidding)
I hang up immediately when I get machine calls because I don’t offend anyone. But if it’s human, then I’ll just take it as a how-to-reject lesson. And I can always have a good chat with the promoter before hanging up because I don’t pay for the call. Of course, if the call comes at a bad time, I won’t answer at all. But I won’t yell at the promoter; he/she is just doing his/her job.
Your wife is funny, and what she said might be true! Omg.
I take offense to everything you have said in this post. I myself am a telemarketer. I am a human being. I am not vile, nor am I a scum-sucking leech, residing at the Mariana Trench level on the scale of basic decency. Your tactics of dealing with telemarketers are horrid, and not effective at all. If you have added your number(s) to the do not call list (national registry), you wouldn’t be receiving calls (except from political, nonprofit, or polling organizations, which are exempt). And the same goes for if you have asked them to remove your name from their lists. Because the fact of the matter is, if we don’t, we can get sued. For big money. And lose our licenses. If you set the phone down and walk away, we will call you back. We don’t know the reason why you are no longer on the line. The same goes for if you hang up on us randomly. And if you think that being rude/crude/a horse’s ass, in your wife’s words, is a good idea, guess again. If you piss us off, we piss you off. We go on technicalities then as far as how we disposition your call. If we dont absolutely have to put your call as a decline, we will mark a nice happy little call back and send it on.
So I suggest the National Do Not Call Registry, and then track who calls you and sue them if they keep calling. Oh, if you do business with a company, they can call you as well. Also, I suggest a privacy manager. The worst thing you can do is be rude. And about us being human… I am human. I have feelings. I have a life. I have a profession that I enjoy. I am also a student. I pay for school through this job. If you would rather pay my tuition so that i dont call and “annoy” you, I will gladly accept. Same goes for my rent and my bills. You can pay those too. Otherwise, I would appreciate you not acting so offensively next time.
Dude, I’m behind you 100%. I hate telemarketers. I used to be one and I hated disturbing people so I wan’t very good and I didn’t make any money so I quit. Best decision of my life!
Michael
no eprops for you. i’m a telemarketer and a human. =P
i used to try to match their level of consideration. if i was bored enough that is. people who kept talking over my attempts to interrupt them a moment to explain that i wasn’t bored enough to want to listen to them…still eventually heard that from me. they’d usually hang up–rude!–but sometimes they’d be all pleasant and nice afterwards. i remember posting some of my more self-amusing responses, but that was back in another life, when i still had a landline.
since i have to pay for every minute of my cellphone use, i just don’t answer numbers i don’t recognize (including most restricted calls).
thanks for giving us all a place to vent our unique yet universal frustrations with the low end of the largely evil mass-media-marketing-machine!
I’m just wondering, if you have caller id, why do you pick up the phone if you know it’s a telemarketer???
You are a very funny guy. I havent gotten an actual call on my cell yet, but I have gotten telemarketing texts.
Your post made me giggle.
I live with a zombie. He’s sometimes referred to as my brother.
My favorite thing to do when telemarketers call is the same thing Jerry did on Seinfeld. *Seinfeld addict*
All I can say is thank God for the do-not-call list, it has kept me from going on a killing spree (of sub-humans of course).
Oh god..lol…this was such a fun refreshing read.
Thanks. I needed the smiles.
Hope you’re spared from those calls though. I personally come up with pretty obscene stuff, but let’s leave that out for now..haha
Hope you have a good day and congrats on being Featured.
-Mish
I’m much worse than you…I don’t just make snotty comments, I ask to talk to their manager, then his manager, then I tell him this is a private number that accepts no solicitation and if they call me again I’ll sue for harassment. If you’re on the national do-not-call list, you have that right.
sorry.. but i just cant help but hate my job more.
and for sure we will no longer call u. im so sad. 
i’m a telemarketer. but we r just doing our job. if only u will just give us a little time to listen on our offers and if ur not interested. just tell it straight in a kind manner.
Telemarketers themselves cant help it, they’re just employees set out to make a buck. Telemarketers can be even as young as 14 years old. If a telemarketer calls, ask for their supervisor, then curse the supervisor out.
HAHAHA i hate telemarketing!
i’ll swtich off my resident phone or even took of the battery of my mobile just to deliberately miss that call.
I was helping my bro put a new hood on his car and I got one on my cell, “We are calling to offer you free gas coupons” I said I already have enough gas.
Sometimes I will say the most random things like. “How do you put the blue soup in the lion?”
It really messes with them.
See I have the right to do this. I manage a call center… However, we are inbound and NOT telemarkets.
I don’t have a land line, so I don’t get telemarketing calls a whole lot on my cell phone. However, I get quite a few at my office, which is ridiculous! I can’t be rude, but really, they should know that “Services, Inc” is not a last name.
I think what’s worse is people that call the wrong number and then get mad that you don’t know the correct one. My company’s name is pronounced the same as a different company, but it’s spelled differently. When people call asking for the other company, I gently tell them the correct spelling of the other company, and that they have the wrong number. About half of them say, “well what’s their number?” I don’t know! I’m not them! **You** are the one who dialed the wrong number!
I’ve told my boyfriend to have an alarm ready, and just to turn it on when he answers the phone to a telemarketer.
you may be an ass, but i was a telemarketer once. i loved guys like you.. you were funny, and didn’t waste any of our time by listening to our pitch. heh, if you think i liked the job…
p.s. go to donotcall.gov and register.
What the hell are you doing on the homepage? Anyway, my favorite telemarketer call:
Me: Hello?
Him: Hey, Colleen?
Me: Uh, yea, hey.
Him: Hey, how’s it going?
Me: Me, I’m fine. How’re you?
Him: Oh, I’m good, I’m good. Not doing too much.
Me: Uh, sorry, but, how is this?
Him: Tim.
Me: Tim, Roman’s friend?
Him: Oh, no.. I’m Tim calling from AT&T, I was hoping to talk to you about…
Me: Go to hell, Tim.
Register all your phone numbers at: https://www.donotcall.gov/ That should stop the calls on both the landlines and the cell phones. When you register here, your numbers are always blocked from telemarketers. The 5 year period does not apply. It is free, whereas privacy manager is not.
Of course, you’ll have to find another form of entertainment, but i’m sure it won’t take you long.
i looove your response to the carpet company tho….haha
i’ve not gotten any telemarketing calls on my cell….because i registered my number at the above site…..but i have been getting annoying bulk text messages on my phone. That needs to stop.
BTW…..when you get a call that says “please hold for an agent/rep/etc” it **usually** is a bill collector. and yes, i know from experience. :-p
As much as we all dislike telemarketers.. wasting our time.. they’re still human beings who have to do it because it’s their job. I wonder how they are taught to be so persistant! Haha
I figure there are plenty of people with stupid jobs out there and this is just one of them. The only thing I hate is when they call and talk for a million fucking years before getting to the point of what they want, and then when you tell them you’re not interested because you’ve finally figured out what they want, they sound all snarky with you like you’re the one wasting THEIR time.
That’s the only thing that bugs me, if they call me and get annoyed that I don’t want to send money/buy something/whatever.
lame.
hahahah LOL, your entry was wicked hilarious, especially your prison line, hehe thanks for writing that! props =D
we get them at my job… i just hang up on them.
have you tried just changing your number and getting that on a “do not call list”? i would think that would give you some relief from it all.
either that or sue them for harassment if they’re calling as much as you’re saying they are. goodness. hehh.
I screen all calls with my answering machine, if it’s someone I WANT to talk with I pick up
that was absolutely hilarious
the weird thing is though, our number is on the do not call list… and we don’t get calls…. maybe you accidentally signed up for the “Please, please, call me, my life is depending on it” list
I was a telemarketer once.
Made the night more interesting. So if you REALLY want to punish them, say something horribly boring before hanging up.
*gasp*
I hated my job, and I actually kind of appreciated it when someone threw a Horse’s Ass line my way.
Hilarious post.
Wow. Too bad I’m too nice, because that is hilarious and sounds like a lot of fun
Have you tried placing your number on the donotcall.gov list? This may relieve some of those annoying calls.
Hate those inhuman people. They just don’t get it. We got hounded too many times, then we moved. When we received our new # we started getting tons of calls like that for the last person who had that #. Which is worse your own bad calls or someone elses? I mean how many times can I tell the SAME company that that person is not at this #? GEEZE!
Wow. You are a dick. Why don’t you try being a little more patient. Or better yet, just let the phone ring. Why even answer it when you have a caller ID and you KNOW that the call is coming from a telemarketer? They’re doing their job, albeit not a fun or respectable job (to you, anyway), so let them do their job. Oh yeah, and please don’t have kids. If you already have kids, God help them.
I think I am with your wife- being obnoxious to a telemarkerter is a lot like like being a jerk to your waiter, or a cashier, or trolling on the internet… it’s not more OK behavior just because you happen to feel you have a superior job and you can do it relatively anonymously. Do you do the same thing to the Gil Scout cookie mafia when they post themselves outside the door to the supermarket and accost you for donations in return for overpriced cookies? Technically, that’s the same technique used my professional beggers in some parts of the world. Is it really that hard to ay no thank you, or get caller ID and/or voice mail and screen your calls? Most telemarketers are high school kids, or underemployed (like welfare/workfare recipients) and trying to rebuild their resumes. My sister worked in one call center, and they had several different companies… she took incoming and outgoing calls, and the outgoing calls were autodialed, so she’d never know if she was telemarketing or acting as a customer service rep until the script popped up on her computer once the call had connected. I am not a huge fan of cold calling, but people wouldn’t pay call centers to do it if it didn’t work.
@Ryuu_66 -
– totally fake. http://www.snopes.com/politics/business/cell411.asp
LOL, My teenage son just started a Telemarketing job with a Financial Company. Its so funny the responses he gets, but he has a sense of humor, so it becomes funny! I still tell him I am hanging up on them. LOl
Hahaha this totally cracked me up!
I think you were pretty good, when they ask for the home owner.. I like to stay, “i’ll just go get him” Then keep the phone off the hook and see how long they will wait, Every 4-5 minutes or so I’ll pick up and speck in a funny voice and say, “Hes just coming”, my record is 16 minutes!
Just a few days ago, I received my first telemarketer call on my cell phone and I was like “how is that even possible?” Is my number listed somewhere that I don’t know about? Is there like an underground sect that have a record of every number that is in use right now?
I’ve concluded that it’s a conspiracy, and if we stop acting like horse’s ass to the telemarketer movement, they will one day… take over the world, or worst our phone lines.
If the telemarketer had any sense of humor, you made them laugh and were probably repeated to coworkers as one of the funniest ways people have hung up/said no.
I love what one of my friend’s cousins did.
“May I please speak to Mrs. So and so. about [insert some offer here].”
“Oh . . . I’m sorry, but she died yesterday.”
“*click* dial tooooone”
XD
lol totally agree they’re over the top, love ur creative rant on this!
hahahaha….. that is awesome…. =D
Ugh. Telemarketers…..rank right up there with lawyers……why do we need so many of them!!!
your blog, sir, has been “featured” on the xanga homepage. now the telemarketers are REALLY comin’ after you.
good luck with that.
And the survey people. Once when I was lonely I made the mistake of answering a survey, and now I get survey calls on my landline all the time.
i know how you feel. whenever a tellmarketer calls the house. once its a machine I jus hang up.
and if its a real person. i jus say i’m not interested, say thnaks and quickly hang up. sometimes
i feel bad cuz its not their fault really, its their job, they are trying to make a living, so i best dont
want to ruin their day. and let some one else do that. hehe.
omg!!! i totally agree!! it was horrifying than the IRS!! jus in the past months I got at least 5
telemarketing calls from my cell phone.. about car credit when i dont even own a car!!!
I try to ignore unknown numbers, and those 800 numbers, or the no name numbers..
where do you go to be on the dont call list category?
Telemarketing is a good paying job for a busy college student. Just have the computer dial up the number, hope for an answering machine, and try to cram for the next day’s test.
Or browse facebook while the boss is busy.
Sad part is your only on the do not call list for 5 years.
Hahahha. okay. that’s the funniest thing. My sister tries to start selling something to them lol. Or she starts venting to them, telling them how bad her day was lol
you people MUST understand…telemarketers are not humans nor non-humans…they are HUMNONS! Humnons come from a planet called butholmuncha. They are in link with another planet called pu-C-muncha. yearly they gather and join forces by doing what the name of their planet implies…they mate. when they mate, it becomes a seasonal act. it may last one season to perhaps two if done correctly. usually the most advanced may last two seasons. after mating, they make many phone calls throughout the universe to brag about it. and this is where the tricky part comes in. Their language is quite similar to ours…except their lingo is quite different. they may sound like they are pressuring us into buying a certain product when really they are just telling us they had a blast at matefest that year. for instance, “Hello, please stay on the phone to hear an exciting new offer from your local phone company” actually means “Whats up crazy huMANS, i just got both of my cocks sucked from both directions…jealous much?” Do you see the remarkable difference here people. these creatures or so called HUMNONs are quite remarkable in their own way. So remember people show some respect, and next time they call, simply say “I thought you were incompetent, well congratulation on your successful lay.” or, “did you teach that space bitch a lesson, yeah slap her hard with your cocks…peace.” its that simple folks…now we can all be happy.
cheers
dirt floors? Quite creative. Props to you man.
Ha! Those people are inhuman they deserve every rotten thing that can be done to them. We moved last year and would get TOO MANY of those calls. In the new place with a new # we began to get those calls for the last person that had that #. No matter how many times I told them she does not exist at this # they still called!
You can have call intercept to block all unwanted callers and people calling from unidentified phone numbers. Well in the company I work for, almost 80% of transaction is done on the phone and if we can’t reach customers via telephone then that’s a big problem.
I feel guilty whenever I am horrid to them…but I inevitably end up being horrid sometime or the other. Especially when it’s on the cell phone.
My number is also on a “Do Not Call” list and have noticed I’ve gotten fewer telemarketer calls. I still get them. I actually don’t answer them. Most people actually call me on my cell phone, which I almost never receive telemarketer calls on; 99% of the telemarketer calls are on my landline. They usually show up as an 800 number or “blocked call”. I usually don’t answer them. If it is an important call they will leave a message. I’ve actually received telemarketing calls in another language. I think they might have confused me for some other nationality that speaks some other language. I find that hilarious. But, I say, why not be a smart ass. Perhaps the telemarketer might even appreciate that humor since telemarketing is such a crappy job.
Actually, although a lot of telemarketers are just doing their jobs, I agree with your methods
Ahhh…thank you for reminding me to put my various numbers on the do not call list. The worst for me is that my business fax machine is in my bedroom, and sometimes I get telemarketing FAXES at 2 am. Can you imagine being comfy and sound asleep and being awoken to the sounds of faxes printing?
Wow, you hit the sweet spot, Mr. Labouff. Ha ha. I am actually a little scared to know everything you’ve ever done to a telemarketer…
Have you tried using a good ol’ answering machine? It works wonders on telemarketers, and as long as you have a normal enough answering machine recording, any actual significant callers (friends, family, potential employers, etc) will most likely actually take the time to start leaving a message (thus giving you time to run over and pick up the phone).
Telemarketers are just doing there job, but actually they might appreciate a little humor in their day like answering the phone “Sorry we have dirt floors.” I’m sure most of them hate their jobs so tell your wife that if you can make them laugh, you’re not being a jerk, you’re brightening up their day. Most people probably just yell at them. Oh and that Tom Mabe bit is HILARIOUS.
My Wife loves these callers, She gets on the phone and speaks Japanese to them and usually they don’t spend more than a minute on the phone, unfortunately they figured out a way around this one, now Japanese telemarketers call here!!!
I can’t complain, i’m a telecommunication direct marketer, I don’t call you, I just get in your face and look for opportunities.. It’s my job to help others… Hahahhaa
Hehe. Great entry!
That was funny man, I so agree with you! Telemarketer’s are a big pain. I get them sometimes on my cell. I just hang up. But, it’s cool that you add humor to the situation when it comes up. Good Luck with the rest of them and have a good day. Later!
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even worse than telemarketers are the people who call asking for donations to various charities. i would get calls all the time for things like the fraternal order of police and they make you feel like such an ass for trying to say no. and then, they continue to make you say no. but i’m sure there is just one guy out there just waiting to switch his long distance telephone provider or get his carpets cleaned. oh well. more power to you for having a little fun.
hi-larious…
NOT HUMAN
I just had to respond to this. It made me laugh. I understand what you wife is saying, but I know how you feel. Some of them deserve I think. Some of those telemarketers could be scammers.
I’ve given telemarkters a hard time before because I was so annoyed by their calls. My dad has done some funny things to them. One time he started a conversation with a girl telemarketer and my step-mom told him to stop because he was going to make her think he was going to buy. lol Another time one called and said our last name wrong so he said, “You said it wrong so you lose.” Then he hung up. LOL Good times. lol
I don’t have a landline where I live right now, but when I did, messing with telemarketers was a particularly fond pastime of mine. One of my favorite things to do was to try and guess the service or product they were trying to sell without letting them get a word in. Another favorite (which is a lot more fun when the Jehovah’s Witness people come knocking on the door, but works just as well on telemarketers) was to ask them to hold because I was in the middle of sacrificing a virgin for a Satanic ritual, but that I’d be with them shortly. I’d typically then get my little sister to start screaming in a different room. So I guess I’m right there with you on the horse’s ass list.
Although, honestly, if I was a telemarketer sitting at a desk calling people all day having 90% of the people I call hang up on me, or curse me out, I think I’d be thankful for the amusement of some of these smart-ass comments. Besides, what else would they have to talk about around the water cooler if some of us WEREN’T assholes? “Man, you wouldn’t believe it, today I was on the phone with this chick who was sacrificing a virgin.” “NO WAY!” “Yea! And there was all this crazy screaming.”
OMG…that tape was hysterical!
I LOVED how you answered the phone to the carpet cleaners! You have made me realize just how uncreative that I am in dealing with telemarketers! I must change that.
Maybe they bother you cause you have reputation with the telemarketing community?
If i received a telemarketing call on my cell i would flip out royally too!
people go online and inquire about online college programs, I work for one. I call the people who have asked to be called, to get more information and they still do the most ridiculous things…yet, they have given out a great deal of their personal information across a myriad of various online schools. mine is accredited and a big name. however, I also understand their frustration when in the next two hours after they submit, there is a feeding frenzy on their phone like dropping a piece of food in the ocean, all of the sudden every living thing is tearing at it so that only molecular remains hit the ocean floor…Mariana trench! FAAAH.
good post though..you should enroll now(hee hee, no seriously!)
Wow, how do you get so many telemarketer calls? When you sign up for stuff, don’t agree to let that company share your information. I was a telemarketer for a year while I was finishing up college. I sold cable and telephone services. I would’ve gotten fired if I hung up when I was put on hold, I had to wait 5 minutes before I could hang up the phone. Just like you don’t care how you treat the telemarketers, I didn’t really care who answered. I was hoping people didn’t answer so I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone. The answering machine was my best friend. I got my quotas, I didn’t have to talk to anyone and I got my measly $6/hr pay check at the end of the week.
i find that telemarkets (or anyone cold calling for any type of solicitation) will just ramble on and on, hoping to get in as much info as they can before i hang up. when i do get a chance to respond, i tell them my parents aren’t home. that usually throws them off. i guess it’s helpful to sound like a 16 year old when i’m really 25.
i find that the telemarketers (or anyone cold calling to solicit anything) will ramble on and on, trying to cram in every last details into the conversation before i hang up. i usually tell them that my parents aren’t home. that usually throws them off a bit. i guess it helps that i sound like a 16 year old when i’m actually 25ish.
We have caller ID on our house phone, so we know when it’s a telemarketer calling. And it’s usually only telemarketers calling our house phone anyway.
What my friend and my boyfriend’s dad would do is answer the phone in another language [like Korean or Japanese]. They usually hang up in a second.
That prank phone call was hilarious, by the way. Thanks for sharing!
Couldn’t you get one of those machines that filter calls?
We have one, and it works great.
It’ll filter any unknown callers, and you can still receive calls from important people (like your mother-in-law).
Plus, you can filter calls that come in the middle of the night.
We had issues a few years ago when drug dealers called our house constantly … even in the middle of the night. We have no idea how they mixed our number up with their dealer’s number. (Must’ve been high on something…) But anyway, once we put our machine in place, the calls disappeared.
Might want to look into that …
i only have a cell phone and have never gotten a telemarketer calling my phone. When I did have a regular phone in college I did get calls sometimes. Though most of the time I was using it to use my free dial up from school (the apartments I was in didn’t have internet yet). I would get calls for my mother since the phone line was in her name. I would tell them that she didn’t live there and then they would get all confused. The only time I was talked into anything over the phone was when I donated money to the state troopers. I kept saying I didn’t have enough money to donate money until finally she got down to like a 5 or 10 dollar donation and i said yes just to get her to leave me alone. It almost worked 2 years in a row but it didn’t.
What bothers me worse is people who come to your door. They would be trying to sell me coupons for oil changes and I would just say I didn’t pay for my oil changes so it wouldn’t save me any money at all.
Even in my neighborhood we had some guy going around trying to sell his art. I know he is just trying to make some money but it is annoying. Magazines, coupons, crap we don’t need… it’s all annoyoing.
As I’m a teenager and therefore without funds, I had a summer job as a telemarketer.
I eventually quit, because I felt it was stealing my soul.
Well… buying it for £5 an hour.
The system used there was one which went through random phone numbers.
We had a button to press if the machine connected us to a fax machine or modem, and another for listed buildings, hotels, etc.
I once got through to an SOS service, and a hospital. And my friend to a prison.
I have to say, if you want to huff and stamp til you get taken off the number list – ask straight away for the manager, cos the telemarketer honestly can’t do anything to help you.
The fact is, as an insider, most of the telemarketers I encountered were TECHNICALLY humans, but they definitely weren’t normal.
The walls are covered in scary motivational posters – “Smile while you dial!” “Swear? Don’t you dare!” etc.
And one of the managers was constantly high on energy drinks, caffeine, sugar, and probably some harder stuff.
I expect that’s why he claimed to enjoy his job.
The other manager was super bitch of the world. Definitely one of the vile, sub-human, scum-sucking leeches, residing at the Mariana Trench level on the scale of basic decency.
I can give you some nice pointers if you want to annoy telemarketers.
Disagree with everything they say, but stay on the line. They’ve got a script in front of them, and once you disagreed with everything in it, they’ll be totally lost. We couldn’t hang up where I worked, just had to keep going.
Flirt with them LOTS. Where I worked we were trying to get people to have a free quote for windows, and I had one guy who kept on saying things like “Ooh, so would you come for the quote?” “No, we have professionals who would do that, sir.” “So what do I need to do to get you round, gorgeous?”
Also, keep telling them that they’re lying. “Do you have double glazing madam? In that case I assume your windows have black or white rubber strip between the glass and the frame?” “No, they don’t.” “Oh, so you already have our brand of windows?” “No, I don’t.” “Well madam, we’re actually the only double glazing company who don’t use the rubber strip, we’ve got a patent on that design.” “No you’re not, you’re lying.” Again, they’re lost.
If you say things like you did with the dirt floors, and hang up right away, it really doesn’t annoy the telemarketers as much as you think.
They’re numb to the people who hang up straight away, and the amusing ones are actually quite nice.
Pretty funny…I’ve tried those funny tricks a couple of times. Now I just hang up on them mid-sentence. =]
being a former telemarketer, most of the systems are on a computer and the computer randomly dials. the telemarketer is only a pawn. you shouldn’t be rude to them, but kindly ask to be taken off the call list. it’s a simple procedure and can be done within two minutes. i ended up quiting my job because of people like you. they are jsut trying to support a family and survive. they are not wanting to call and sell. they are doing what the company tells them to so they can get a paycheck. the other thing is that telemarketers can’t fight back. we’re being monitored by qa. so we must take all of your crap AND try three times before we can let you go. just ask to be taken off the list!
I think it was a good response. I used to be one (for a month) and apparently I was bad at it. Haha! Like I cared. -I found out companys pay telemarketers for it, the people selling the crap don’t know squat about the product only, what the paying company says, which could be all lies. So really the seasoned telemarketer only wants your money, you are a “quote” and they try to fill their quota so they don’t care about you either. They are just like any other sales person, just as anoying too.- If it had been me, I would have laughed. And just so you all know, there is a no call list you can be put on so they can’t legally call you – if they do you can report them. Getting on the list is free and lasts for 1-3 years. YOU CAN EVEN ADD YOUR CELL PHONE TO IT. Google no call list, you’ll find it.
i usually just hang out.. then feel sorry.. and the cycle continues
hang up*
I used to be a telemarketer. For 3 years in High School. It felt more like a life-time. The calls are annoying, but like you said, they’re just people trying to make a living. We did find it entertaining when people would say stupid stuff like that, but really, we just made fun of how absolutely stupid the person was. I once had a guy tell me he didn’t have a phone. Der! We hated our jobs just as much as you hate us calling. But…it’s REALLY good money for doing literally nothing. That’s all over now. Cut ‘em some slack! At least decline politely. It’s not that hard to show a little courtesy to a member of humanity (they really are human!)
My brother was a telemarketer, so yes, they are real people.
I don’t have a landline at home. I haven’t had one for about 5 years!
remember the golden rule
I was a telemarketer for 2 years. none of us like the job. we do it to pay off our school loans. we do it because we need a job. We do it becuase it fits our time schedule as telemarketing shifts tend to be flexible. Just as much as you hate it when we call you, we hate calling you too.
Next time instead of going to watch your tv.. ask the telemarketer ” how are you, really?…” ask them that genuinely. I know this sounds cheesy but it really does make a telemarketer’s day. It would make mine. Telemarketer or not, how hard is it to ask someone ” how are you”
Anyway, i quit my job. Not really because of the job itself but because of the people i worked for. And yeah getting hung up, yelled at – believe me, there were a lot of awful things people would say to me – got depressing after awhile.. and you know what? it does get to the telemarketer, oh wait.. the PERSON. remember, just as you are a human being so are telemarketers.
Anyway it was a funny entry however i have to admit..:)
My current cell # use to belong to someone else, and I was CONSTANTLY getting calls for this other person. On one such call I asked the person on the other end to remove my number from their list. They told me they would certainly do so, as soon as I provided the previous owner’s social security number. I started asking questions about supervisors, etc, and threatening to sue for harassment, since this same organization was calling me 2-3 times almost every day, and they haven’t called back since.
that’s funny.
we’ve started talking in tagalog to them but then they somehow figure it out and the next person who calls is filipino..
that link that you put up is HILARIOUS.
that’s hilarious.
and the tom mabe thing was even better.
we usually start talking in tagalog
but then they get smart and have filipino telemarketers call :-/
i was a telemarketer for a grand total of 3 weeks. during break time we would all compare stories of the rude/funny people we had called. some of the ways people would try to get rid of us were really creative. others were just stupid. For instance:
“this is soandso calling from (insert organization), do you have a few moments to speak with me?”
“sure…”
“i am calling to tell you about…”
“WE ARE HAVING A FAMILY EMERGENCY RIGHT NOW SO I GOTTA GO.”
hmmmm…
OMG, that link was hilarious!
I never answer on telemarketers. Actually, I never answer on anyone, not even my mom.
Well La Dee DA! Look who’s on the front page of Xanga.
I screen all my calls with a machine. If my mom wants to call, she has to leave a message… usually I will pick up.
I too am a jerk to telemarketers… esp. since they are calling me illegally since my number is listed for not getting those calls.
i usually just switch languages on the person whos callin- they start speaking in english, i start speakin spanish, if they speak in spanish, i throw in chinese. usually after that they hang up. especially after i start doing the crazy asian mother impression. ^_^”
ive also done something on that ytmnd- i said my parents died and i was on the way to their funeral. haha. ^_^v
lol i used to be a telemarketer, which is why this entry is intriguing.
A good post filled with truth. I don’t have a land line so I am ALMOST free, but I too get those really freaking aweful pre-recorded ones from time to time… Until they stop, I say keep on pranking!
I think humor is a nice way of saying no and retaining your sanity.
I’d have to be on the brink of starvation to take such a job, though.
I think telemarketing is really annoying, but like you said, its just people trying to earn a living. Not all of us can be doctors, lawyers, IT professionals, teachers, and the many other ‘career’ type jobs that are the only employment that seems to garner any respect. While what they do is a royal pain, I think the best solution is to get added to the Do Not Call list and if by chance you are still called ask them to stop. Is playing pranks on people funny? Totally yes, and I do it all the time. However, I try to stick to those I know in person and love, who won’t feel beaten down, trod upon and basically treated like crap just because they ended up in whatever call center they happened to be working in. To some people 10$ an hour is amazing, and they will do it just to be able to pay the bills on time. Wear the other shoes.
Putting the phone on hold is keeping them from getting in touch with someone else who might actually be interested, thus upping their numbers and paycheck. I agree that setting the phone down is being a real arse.
thanks mr. mark labouff. i try.
wow…reading my old post makes me seem like a horse’s ass too. yikes! oh well, you can call me anytime telemarketers. my number is 867-5309. ask for jenny.
what you say to them is very funny i would laugh with my hubby if he said those things. luckily we got rid of our land line and switched to just cell phones. i wonder why the do not call list isnt working. my boss at work told me if you register and they still call you, you can take down their information and report them resulting in huge fines. i know it takes about a month after registering before they quit calling. hopefully they will quit annoying you. the do not call # is 1-888-382-1222 and the web site is https://www.donotcall.gov/. dont know how you registered before but maybe try that!
We have AT&T for TiVo only. Otherwise we use our cell phones. AT&T calls us about three times a week. The callers are from India and hard to understand and they have a difficult time understanding me. They try to sell me DSL, which I don’t want, especially since they badger me so darn much! I am polite to them and tell them no and tell them I want to terminate the call, and they argue with me! They’ll stay on the phone with me for 25 minutes telling me I do indeed want their product. The few times I’ve hung up on them, they call back. It’s infuriating. I hate them! I’m thinking of switching to the cable company for phone service and getting AT&T out of my life forever….
that was fuckin’ hilarious!
haha.. i just pretend i don’t speak english.. wish i could think of wittier things on the spot.
but i do realize they’re just doing their job.. but it just happens to be it’s always during dinner time!
The GOOD, The BAD of american Chinese food
The food I will write about, is on Chinese Food. It will be about what kind of Chinese food I like. Plus I will talk about good Chinese restaurants, and BAD Chinese restaurants. But I still love Chinese food anyway. I hope this will broaden you’re view of Chinese food.
Here are my usual favorite choices in Chinese food, though really in china ACTUAL Chinese food is quite different (if you can stomach cat brains, and chicken guts). The important dish you must have in a Chinese restaurant is FRIED RICE *preferably combination*. For my usual main coarse I have Chop Suey, a great dish of beef and vegetables. Plus a nice bowl of wonton soup (for some reason, my home town is sparse in this great dish). Now you know what Chinese food is my usual taste.
“Next are stories of my experiences at the Chinese restaurants Bamboo Pavilion, and Ho-Wah.
The worst time I’ve had was at a Chinese restaurant entitled “Ho-Wah”. It was on the mothers day and me & my family went to eat out for the holiday. We all decided to eat at Ho-Wah. When we were there, I ordered just a bowl of wonton noodle soup. While some of my other family ordered prawns, and chicken. When I got my dish, the soup looked greasy “and I could ACTUALLY see the pure oil and fat flowing in the broth!” Then I looked over at the other dishes every one got. One looked raw, another undercooked, and some that just didn’t look fresh or edible! Soon after we all finished eating… we were all hurting at the same time. Later we all had succumbed to FOOD POISONING. All of us had Pepto Bismal for desert. Plus we knew NEVER to eat at that restaurant again…
But now for a better side of my chosen food topic for the essay. “Bamboo Pavilion” has always been a restaurant of choice from ever since I was born! If I’m right that has been the first restaurant I’ve been to after being birthed. That place feels like home to me when I go. It was were I had my first family dinner I had, and also the last place my last grandparents enjoyed (till there time came). Bamboo always brings back good memories for me with great food.
I hope this essay shared good stories of Chinese food experiences. It’s one of my favorite types of food culture. Though I LOVE lots of food (even though I’m a bit of a fat but right now).
If I get telemarketers that are human, I suddenly develop a southern draw and live along the bible belt. I try to convert them to christianity or whatever religion I can come up with. And then continue to interrupt them. Either that or there is the constantly putting them on hold until they hang up.
HAHA! funny
These people weren’t telemarketera, but they got pranked pretty good. One of the funniest things I’ve ever seen online.
I know fropm experience what failures those do-not-call lists can be. Ugh. Personally, I liked the dirt floor thing. You’d also think a sensible telemarketer would understand the way we feel and enjoy the humor as opposed to the screaming.
that is awesome! Yes they’re humans, but I think if we’re going to get called when we don’t want to be, we should be able to have some fun if we choose to. If the telemarketer gets offended…they’re totally in the wrong job lol.
fabulous! hilarious.
Brilliant article! I love your ‘ land mine ‘ idea. Haha, and yes, I’ve listened to these ‘ You’ve won! ‘ telemarketing phone calls countlessly. They annoy me to no end.
Cell phones?! Really? I never knew they could do that, either!
Nevertheless, thanks for sharing!
hahaha! hilarious entry. You should move out to Guam. You virtually get NO telemarketers there
That’s probably one of the biggest differences between the states and a outer US territory.
Oh hell. That was outstanding! XD
What I hate are those who pester me at my work phone, ssking for the millionth time if I want to get a _______ Credit Card. >_< As soon as I say, “No thanks, I just cancelled my previous card because I can’t pay” and hang up on them, another call comes in, and the same telemarketer is on the line.
And I’m like, “aren’t you the same dude who just called me?”
“Um,” click. Dial tone.
It’s just…grrr!
I love it! I fully sympathize with the stupid job complex that they probably all have…but you know they’d be responding the same way if the tables were turned.
I just don’t pick up the phone. As for my grandfather, he wouldn’t even care if the caller id said:
Devil
666
Usually he doesn’t even look at the caller id, and it only takes one ring for him to pick up the phone. He actually cooperates with telemarketers…but I don’t know if he actually buys stuff. He’s like that with pop-ups on the computer too. Free victoria secret gift card…I need to sign up for that!
My dad rarely answers the phone when a telemarketer calls, but when he does, he’ll ask the questions and eventually say that he’s not interested (one time he did ask “what are you wearing right now?”)
I guess the reason why I don’t answer telemarketers is because I once tried to mess around with them, but when I did, I was actually messing with the hospital my grandfather goes to. Boy did I feel dumb.
Though I lack a witty response to your post, it should be added that you can carry on normal conversations with these people. My little brother actually worked at a telemarketing company and would call my older brother and pretend to sell him a product while my older brother told him about his day and such. (That’s probably part of the reason why he doesn’t have that job anymore.) Obviously, if telemarketers have any reason to believe that you are considering purchasing their product/service or making a donation then they are supposed to stay on the phone with you. Regardless, if you have caller ID, I’d imagine that it’d be a better idea just not to answer it. There’s probably a machine that records the fact that you answered the phone and even if you ask to be put on the no-call list … your number very well may get sold to other telemarketing companies so they can still make a profit off you.
There aren’t many telemarketers in my country, haha.
I’ve only received around two this year.
Telemarketers don’t understand why they aren’t liked. But they wake up the sick baby that’s been crying for hours until three minutes ago. Your making dinner and wash your hands to get the phone only to find it’s one of them. It wouldn’t be so bad if they’d allow you time to tell them you don’t have time or you’re not intrested. That is by design. You have to waste a lot of precious time or else be rude. They don’t leave you with a better choice. Only yesterday I had one call and she wanted money, which I would’ve been glad to give because I believed in her cause. But I told her truthfully that hubby’s job wasn’t giving him any work and they don’t pay unemployment,and we were just trying to keep things together and keep food on the table till he’s back at work. She reduced the amount she was asking and I said no. So she asks again using different words. Why should they expect ppl to appreciate them if they don’t respect ppl? They seriously need some training from a good manager.
Honestly, I agree with your wife.
They’re gonna get you, they’re gonna get us all and eat us alive =)
Yeah, we are people, too. For one thing, no one makes it a permanent job, and if they do they are crazy and immune to your rude responses anyway. For another thing, when you are rude, we will do what another commenter has said we do : schedule more call backs at inconvenient times and ensure that you will be called back.
There really is no reason to be rude to people, EVER. We don’t enjoy our job, and we don’t want to annoy anyone. We want a flexible, temporary job. We are people, and we have feelings. When people are rude to us, it upsets us. Do you want people calling you vile or scum sucking? I bet not.
That clip is awesome.
I dont think you are mean by any stretch of the imagination. I was 17 when I was invited with a friend to a “group interview” for one of those places. I laughed my way out of there once I found out what the “group interview” was really for and what we would be doing. I left, too, because of the things my father would say on the phone. NO WAY would I be caught calling people and getting those answers. lol. NO WAY!
I don’t think you’re an ass. I think you’re quite witty and I appreciate your humour. You treat telemarketers with more decency than the average person.
If you’re on a do-not-call list, and they still call you, some pranking is warrented (as long as no one is hurt).
My aunt used to give the phone to my little cousin (who was 2 at the time) for a few laughs. Harmless fun.
hey are you a pianist?
i work at my college campus calling alumni updating peoples information and once they hear im calling from the campus most of them get really rude saying they have to go, yell at me, or just hang up. im just trying to make some grocery money while paying for tuition and i hate it when people are rude to me. it just makes my night that much worse when you have mean people, we dont mean to upset people but just do our job. working here has given me a greater appreciation for all those telemarketers, now im not saying that i like taking those calls either, but i will be nice to them cause their just trying to get through their day too. didnt mean to ramble but it happens, lol.
oo yea, and like its been said before, if we call someone and their piss us off or are rude to us we just put them back on our callback list so you will keep getting called every couple days, haha.
We just got rid of our land line because no one ever calls it except telemarketers. Thankfully none of them have called my cell and I hope to keep it that way.
One time my friends were over and they asked for my parents and we told me they died. It was terrible XP
Some people like it “Well how about I call you back when you’re having dinner with your family!”
Its fun .. but cruel.. *sigh
@mr_faust - Sorry if I’m missing something, but how is this relevant to the topic at hand?
Ha! I never answer my home phone…only people who don’t know me call my land line,-p If i don’t know the number on my cell i let it go to voice mail,-)
We have a private line and they still keep calling. Not only that, one had the nerve to hang up on me! ME!
@pxrxcowgirl - Advise to make your life easier. if you are that thin skinned DON’T GO ON LINE READING RANDOM BLOGS. College student or not you need another career. Your ( and several coworkers) responses show your emotional immaturity to be able to handle such a job. Not proffessional at all. The whinning about paying your bills , tuition, etc. demonstrates that you have no concept of the true nature of life. Your job is one of the most aggravating thoughtless jobs people could have. Next to bill collectors. You are the only ones who believe they are entiltled to interuppt the sactity of a persons home. Be pushy, rude, and disrespectful and then be childish and vindictive when people do not appreciate it. The do not call registery is a joke. I have registered and still get numerous call a day. Most telemarketing # come up without enough information to tell who is calling. And who wants to take the time to track down who, what, where when, file complaints, sue companies. A little basic human decency should tell a person that even though their job is legal it ain’t right. Personally I wish more people would quit buying and businesses would learn it is an expensive, waste of time and money to hire solicitors.
the url link you posted was HILARIOUS! thx for those few minutes of laughs
Use your caller ID. If its not a friend, I just don’t answer the phone.
You get use to ignoring the rings.
Telemarketing is based on the assumption that if ”X” number of cold calls were made, of those who answer the phone, there will be a certain percentage that will say no nicely, a certain percentage that will be jerks and a certain percentage that may purchase the product or service they are peddling. So don’t feel bad because whatever you do, it is already expected and worked out in the equation.
lol, I do that too, but I do try and think that they have to deal with horrible people and they’re probably not so horrible.
Best prank I’ve played on telemarketers:
“Hello, Casino Cash and Pawn. May I interest you in a 30-day payday loan?”
They usually hang up immediately. ROFL
Once I hung up on the telemarketer after telling her that I wasn’t interested in whatever she was selling and that BITCH actually called back and asked me why I hung up on her. WTF!!!! Can you believe this shit? They all need to get a real job and leave us alone!!! I hate them as much as roaches and that says it all.
I used to be a telemarketer. It sucks.
It’s a lot easier for someone to just say, “Thanks, but no. Take me off your list,” and hang up. Eventually, it’s pretty effective, I think.
Telemarketers are definitely humans, too… and as such, they can be just as vindictive as you. Remember, they have all your personal information at their finger tips, the power to add account notes, and the power to schedule a call back.
You asked to be taken off the list, but got a call again? Oops, my fingers slipped.
Easier to just be calm, nice, and succinct.
Hiya, interesting, true and amusing post about telemarketers. I myself own my own marketing company and have been telemarketing for years. Many telemarketers but give the industry a bad name. Most of them are very boring and very selfish and don’t have a clue about how to sell. They only get the sales they do by playing the numbers game (if you hammer away on the phone of course 1 in 100 will say yes). My girlfriend had one phone her the other day and she was in the middle of feeding our baby. She told the telemarketer that it was a bad time due to this fact and could he call back? He wouldn’t! He continued on with his script regardless! Now this is rude! This isn’t good at all. If it was me and it does happen to me all the time, I very politely express that I’m sorry to catch them at a bad time and that by all means I’ll leave them to get on with what they are doing and call back. When I do call back I remind them that I was the person who called at the bad time before and ask how is this occasion for the next 3 – 5 minutes. I always get a positive response in this way because people respect me for respecting them. I would consider myself to be a telemarketer who does what I do in a respectful, polite and in as unintrusive manner as I possibally can. It is what I do to earn a living. I accept a “no” as a “no” and only wish people to purchase my goods/services if it is of benefit to them. I’ll tell you what though…yes many telemarketers deserve all the rudeness they get but also many consumers on the recieving end of the call can be very rude and nasty! I’ll tell you what, the nasty people that are so rude to the telemarketer and think they are far above them are most likely on a far lower income than the telemarketer (if the telemarketer is good). lol. Just a final thought…many people end a call to a telemarketer right at the start before they even know what they are selling. This is rather stupid! You are prejudging! What if it is something you really want or need? You never know what it is. At least listen to the first minute of what they have to offer before you reject it.
I am so glad I stumbled upon your post, it cracked me up. I especially enjoyed this line: “I can’t run, I can’t hide. They’re like zombies in a George Romero movie; clawing at the windows and doors, trying to find a way into my home until I break down and buy the damn porcelain cow figurines or the UFO insurance.”
But yes…I know exactly how you and many other people feel…every day it gets worse, my cell phone too has now become barraged with random automated voice messages in several languages. My mom refuses to put our TWO phone numbers on the ‘no-call list’ (not that those fix the situation much anyway)…so with the the two phone numbers at our house getting telemarketers calls, I’ve been going insane. I let the phone ring, I feel that, if it’s important, people know my cell phone and will call me on that…however, my mom insists that we answer the phone in case it is an emergency…which I understand…but it’s always a telemarketer! “Can we have just…5 minutes of your time?” Which really translates to…can we hold you up for about 30 to 45 minutes asking you the same questions until your head explodes and you give in!
Haha, anyway…sorry for the long vent, but your entry provoked many silly thoughts. Thanks!
@tamik -
I don’t see how my response, which by the way was very professional, deems me as thin skinned. The comment section is there for random people to voice their opinions on what is said in such blogs, and that is what I did. If the author would prefer that not happen, they have the ability to make it a protected entry.
I have plenty of emotional maturity to handle my job. I am very successful at it. I was simply telling you what can happen if you are rude to us. We have guidelines, and as long as we follow them, we are okay. The laws regarding telemarketing are very strict. There are many rules and regulations that I am guessing that you and others are not aware of. It is not my fault that you would rather not be informed and take the proper steps to prevent calls (and maybe earn yourself a few grand if you truly are recieving as many calls as you claim to).
And I find it interesting that you think I am whining about my bills and such, and that you believe I don’t have any concept of the true nature of life. I did not mean to come across as whiny. I am just saying that I am doing my job so I can support myself and that if you have such a problem with it, you can take action to prevent my need to work this job. And so you know, if you express nicely that you prefer not to be called, or if you tell me that I have called during dinner or something, I am more than happy to not call you again. Never when I am on a call am I pushy, rude, or disrespectful. I take whatever blows you deal, and I don’t say a word in defense half the time. If you are going to call me a slut and a bitch and ask me my tit size, (which i have gotten before) I will simply tell you that it does not pertain to the nature of the call and if you wish not to discuss things pertaining to my call, I will gladly get off the line. I don’t see how that is rude or disrespectful.
And my last note… I find it interesting that you have so many problems with the Do Not Call list. I have not once gotten a call from a telemarketer on my home phone or cell phone after putting my number on that list. And neither has my family. And previously I would recieve ten to twenty calls per day.
Everyone likes a good joke.
I bet that’s one of the better excuses that telemarketer has heard!
i get calls from corey from inner county records or something like that. i get them on my cell phone too…i have no idea how they get my number.
Oh my god!! I laughed my ass off!!!! first at your post, then I clicked the link and thought I was gonna fall off my chair! excellent!
Telemarketers are largely brainless. But if you talk to them in the right way, you will find out they’re human, I guess.
that’s hilarious! my uncle just let’s them talk for a few minutes, and then all of a sudden, out of the blue, he yells “no! i don’t want! shaddup!” and hangs up. it’s not that he’s mean. he just gets impatient because they’re taking advantage of his niceness (and time) by going on and on. crack up.
As always… Hi-larious. Wow the responses! Don’t tell them you live in Tulsa. Oops. Sorry about that…
I’ve been getting calls from 1.800.383.0583 at my work number, but outside of business hours. Google turns up a few sites where people complained about getting calls from that number, purporting to be CitiBank, even though the folks didn’t have any business with CitiBank. And they would keep calling back…
I finally answered a call in person, and some lady speaking with a thick accent asked for someone I didn’t know, and I paused, and in a strained and uncomfortable voice, said, “Oh, um.. I’m sorry, but he just passed away two weeks ago.”
She was very flustered, apologized, and hung up. Haven’t received another call from them since.
wouldnt it suck if you won a million bucks but refused to answer the phone to find out?
I know a guy who would make it a point to get THEM to hang up on HIM. He would sometimes start making up some long sales pitch for some useless product and begin asking them personal questions and when they would try to redirect, he would do the same thing they are so notorious for… “Now I know you’re hesitant but just hear me out” or something like that followed by repeating everything he already said. ‘click’
Sometimes he would answer as though being a business “Rainbow Boutique men’s lingere” or some gargage like that said with as effeminate a voice as he could muster. …’click’
Of course when all else fails, knowing that the average telemarketer has a timed recorder giving them approx. 4 minutes to close the deal from the time the recorder starts gives you an edge. All you have to do is play for time and wait for the next vile invader of your personal life to enter your home uninvited. The real fun is with callers that don’t use thier real names but names of characters from popular shows or comic books (real example: Tony Stark – real name of Ironman) This allows you to make up your own fake name for a counterpart character (friend or foe) and good times will be had by all…’click’
…………’CLICK’…………..
This really made me laugh.. I have to deal with telemarketers at my workplace every single day. “Hello! You’re business-” click. I’ve done the whole “hold on for a second while I grab the other line” bit also.. you’d be surprised at how long they will actually wait for you to come back! I’m going to have to try the “Congratulations, you’re the 10th telemarketing call tonight!..” bit, mix it up for my frequent callers.
You got pretty creative with your responses! I don’t like it when telemarketers call me, but I also know a friend from college who works for the school as a telemarketer at “Rutgers telefund.” (To get parents who care to donate money to the school.)
He’s just trying to make some money, but I don’t think he put much thought into whether or not he agrees with the ethic of a telemarketer.
yeah, you were kind of an horse ass.
good post though, i enjoyed it.
They probably find you because you’re on the not-to-call list. It’s a list easily accessable, basically like you doing all the work for them by putting yourself on that list.
You should get rid of your land line, especially since you have mobile phones. It’s so much easier.
Spectacular post! I am sure there is a special place in hell for the inventor of tele-marketing…
Hysterical prank…
be nice. these people are dead and live in the 7th circle of hell, and their crimes were being mean to telemarketers, so now they must spend eternity making cold calls. Learn from this.
I worked as a telemarketer for a few months when I was an undergraduate (I could only take it that long – it’s just not something I’m good at OR enjoy). I remember the people that were RUDE about removing them from our lists and the people that were pleasant. Guess which ones actually got taken off the list?
I actually had a man lecture me for a solid 5 minutes about how I “should not be in the business of telemarketing.” I calmly told him that if he’d like to start paying my rent and bills, I’d gladly leave that job. He was speechless. Guess what? Some of us are actually human & deal with real-life bullyit too.
For the most part, I don’t think the people CALLING you enjoy making that phone call anymore than you enjoy enduring it.
Hey Mark =]
Im 16 years old from UK, I’m one of these annoying people that calls you to ask if you want something for ‘free’. To be honest… it is a shit job, but guess what? there isnt anything else around, nothing else where you can choose what hours to work so nothing gets in the way with your college schedule, or pays quite so well ($9 an hour and 3 hours shifts is alright for my age i’d say). I make this sound like i’m trying to guilt trip you here… but thats really how it is man.
Take care
~Jp
I like orering pizza from telemarketers. this only works on the live ones the computers are not so much. Although it doesn’t feel as bad to hang up on a computer.
I hate telemarketers too!
I HATE telemarketer calls. I answer the phones at work and we get so many all day!
Hilarious… =D
Caller ID is so essential to sanity nowadays- otherwise I’d have to face those calls 24/7. They drive anyone nutty.
Telemarketers arrg. It pisses me off when I get calls right while I’m watching Oprah,they just can’t leave me alone.
wow…yeah…I recently got one of those cell phone telemarketing calls…
It scared the hell out of me. Then, I got another one, and they left a voicemail! I’ve taken extreme evasive measures and they’ve since stopped…for now. I think they’re regrouping…
I generally lie. I tell them the person to whom they wish to speak is on sabbatical in Ireland. Or Turkey. Or wherever I feel I’d like to be that day.
LMAO!!!! You ROCK!!!
Smiles!!!
Being in the real estate biz, I get calls periodically on my cell. It sucks because they call my office asking for certain agents and because we don’t know the difference between a client and a solictor, the call gets transferred to us.
Being a “Working-Stay-At-Home-Mom” I just don’t have the time, much less the energy to spend on people or non-humans that want me to spend money.
blech.
Oh yeah, and back in the very late 80′s, when I think I was still in high school, I used to have to call people to sell Kirby Vacuums. I only did it for a week or two, and funny thing, I ended up calling my spanish teacher and my friends grandma who actually recognized my voice!
Holy Moly look at all the responses!
I just let the answering machine screen my calls. I only pick it up if its someone I actually want to talk to.
And I’m pretty sure actual scum-sucking leeches would resent the comparison.
i have never had a telemarketing call on my cell phone…nor my landline, come to think of it, but i’ve only had two months, so there’s still time, i’m sure.
while i’ve been a telemarketer for a grand total of 2 days and i that understand everyone needs a job, when i got calls before i moved i would just say “no, sorry, wrong number” to the inevitable inquiry “may i speak with mr or mrs g?”. i lived with my sister, neither of us were married, so technically it wasn’t a lie. seemed to work…
you know as annoying as they are, i dont get rude with them. because they’re just like everybody else trying to make an income. ive heard that some just get to the point of wanting to commit sucide because of all the rejection everyday. most people are just plain rude!
@Dewdropsonthegrass -
Update: as it turned out, the pranked was the prankee.
my brothers use to answer the phone in a different language. sam can speek greek and some italian and jacob french. my mom said it was rude, but i thought it was very funny :]]
That is the best telemarketing prank EVER! Great post.
lol
I used to be a telemarketer. I made good sales though. I’ve never experienced those pranks but I made good sales. That was one good month for me hehe.