February 20, 2008
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Three A’s of being middle aged
THREE A’s OF BEING MIDDLE AGED
MIDDLE AGED ASS
I’ve noticed lately that a lot of young women are wearing shorts or sweat pants with the word “PINK” plastered in large letters across their ass. I’m sure that if you’re under 25 it probably is pink but I don’t understand why you would feel compelled to advertise that. I think I’m going to market a line of sweat pants for middle aged men like myself that has “SAGGY” printed across the ass, or perhaps, “COTTAGE CHEESE.”
MIDDLE AGED ARITHMETIC
Speaking of being middle aged, I have an age related math question for all of you math whizzes out there. I was thinking yesterday about the fact that I turn 50 this year and my son turns 25. While the half century and quarter century marks are great milestones for us, it does bring up an interesting conundrum. Every year prior to this, I have been more than twice as old as my son. This year I will be exactly twice as old as my son. Every year from this point forward I will be less than twice as old as my son. I like to think this means that my son will be aging at a much faster rate than I will from now on. Doesn’t that make sense?
MIDDLE AGED ANGST
And speaking of turning 50, I’d like to ask for your feedback concerning how I should celebrate my 50th birthday. I hang out with a group of three other guys at church. We are all within a few months of each other in age. When we all turned 45, we went sky diving together. We’d like to top that for our 50th birthday celebration.
We all saw the movie “Wild Hogs” and thought it might be fun to rent Harleys and drive from Tulsa to Vegas and back. However, we were discussing who each of us most closely resembled in the movie and the other three unanimously (and very quickly) declared that I was the William H. Macy character “Dudley”, so I’m not sure I want to hang out with them anymore.
Plan #2 is to go white water rafting in Wyoming. Whatever we do, we want it to be a desperate attempt at reclaiming our youth while putting our aging bodies in mortal danger.
Any suggestions?
Comments (21)
How about allof you go over Niagara Falls in wooden barrels? Too archaic?
I think it’s only fair that the young age faster than the aged. We’ve done our time.
“a desperate attempt at reclaiming our youth while putting out aging bodies in mortal danger”
I guess you could have unprotected sex.
White water rafting is still on my “to do” list. Next is swimming with the dolphins. I suppose you could always arrange to swim with the Orcas, but the rafting thing sounds like it will meet all your criteria for being dangerous and reaffirming that you’re not really old…. just prematurely senile.
Your math makes perfect sense, but the cottage cheese thing hit kinda close to home. Stop it!
“Wild Hogs - marklabouff Edition”….now that would be a great blog!
I agree with OK123…I vote for the Harley trip…but then you must all get a tattoo to commemorate the trip!
Wild Hogs was a hoot… Yeah, I can see – you need new friends.
You could check out my dream vacation – in my post about my four random facts about me. Wait. You already live in Oklahoma. You most likely wouldn’t be interested…
What about a month of habitat for humanity. You can go somewhere and meet new people and eat exotic foods, maybe pick up West Nile or something fun?
Live dangerously: go to the local mall wearing shorts with “PINK” written on the ass.
I hate it when I’m so far down the comment list that my witty comment sounds lame. So just for that I’m not going to make it. I’ll just leave you with the image of Middle aged men in a group in Speedos, and let your mind fill in the blanks.
Drinking in Savannah, GA!! I can think of few things more detrimental to any body.
Or base jumping. I mean, your choice.
You sure find a lot of excuses to post pictures of young chicks in short shorts…
I suggest something quiet and laid back. You could break a hip…
ps. I was doing that exact math problem while trying to fall asleep last week.
I’m pretty sure the kids will catch up eventually.
(Too bad we’ll be dead!)
Thanks for making me smile at work today. Yep….I’m on Xanga at work. SHHHHH!!!! I am gonna have to get a pair of those Cottage Cheese pants from you for sure. lol
Um, this time you could try the sky diving without the parachute. I bet THAT would put some mortal danger into your aging body… (-:
I am hugely in favor of the cottage cheese pants. Make sure they are really baggy sweats that also expose middle aged crack as well and they will be PERFECT. You’ll make a mint! No one will wear them, of course, but they’ll be very popular gift items at 40 and 50 year old birthday bashes.
My mom and I are 20 years apart. I’ve been aging faster than her for 11 years now! I’ll have to let her know.
I think you ought to emulate the boys in Full Monty and show the ladies that you still got it at 50. I’ll be the first to buy tickets!
Yes, Harley trip complete with a tattoo! Awesome…..
You could buy an outrageously expensive sports car!
Oh wait….
Mortal danger ? Try cutting in line at the local Wal Mart on senior citizen’s day. That should do it.
I need a pair of spandex leggings with “HAIL DAMAGE” written across the buttocks!
I read this blog entry to my 47 year old husband and he cracked up. He said to tell you he’ll buy a pair from you that say “pale and hairy”.
–Glenna (http://www.afridgefulloffood.typepad.com )
Go running with the bulls. Try not to get horned or die.
But that’s not till July 7-14 in Pamplona, Espana! It was quite the rush.