May 10, 2007
-
THE OLDER I GET, THE BETTER I WAS
Do you hate it when old people talk about body parts that no longer function correctly? Well, if you do you should probably move on ‘cause I’m about to start a grocery list of aliments that is getting longer by the day. If I get really wound up I might even start talking about the size of my prostate.
My body has been on a downhill slide for a few months now and the decline seems to be picking up steam.
I’m on blood pressure meds. I‘ve also been having trouble sleeping so my doctor gave me a prescription for Ambien. Then I came down with bronchitis a couple of weeks ago for which my doctor gave me an additional four prescriptions. That makes a total of six prescription medications I’m taking daily. I seriously thought about buying one of those plastic pill containers with the days of the week on it, but they were right next to the Depends at the pharmacy and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
My ankle never has healed correctly from my accident last fall so I walk with a limp much of the time and I’ve started having muscle spasms in my lower back. I can’t read the newspaper unless I nail it to the wall and walk across the room and my wife quit whispering sweet nothings in my ear because I kept yelling at her to speak up so I could hear her. I’ve even started writing notes to myself at night so I won’t forget to do things the next day. At least I remembered to wear pants to work today (what can I say, last Tuesday was really embarrassing).
It is a BITCH getting old.
The problem is I’m not really that old. I’m only 48, but I currently seem to have the body of George Burns; and if you recall, he’s dead.
The upside is that one of my medications for bronchitis is a cough syrup with Codeine. If you have a couple of tablespoons of that, take an Ambien, and then wash it all down with a glass of wine, you can have some REALLY funky dreams.
On a different note, I know that several of you read BiskyBabe’s site. In her current post she mentions getting a new job. Well, it was my company that hired her so be sure stop by and leave your condolences since she now has put up with me everyday. I can already tell you we don’t pay her enough to have to deal with that.
Well, its 8:00 p.m. so I’m off to make a nice Metamucil/Geritol cocktail before I go to bed.
Comments (32)
I’m only 28 (well, almost, next week) and I feel like I’m falling apart. What’s it going to be like in 20 years? Childbearing does a doozy on the body, too.
It’s okay. Some of us get old earlier than others (Rae already has one of the plastic pill dispensers).
Perhaps you can be the Dr. Gregory House of your office?
Also, on a serious note, be careful with the Ambien. I’ve read several studies and known several people who have woken up in strange places, had night terrors, etc.
COME SEE ME. BRING DRUGS.
I know what you mean about old people. Its like they are focused on the tragedies of their bodies that are failing them. When I talk to my father and stepmother, there is NOTHING medical they won’t discuss. I call them pus stories because they typically turn my stomach. None of what you said was icky to read about. I think many old people are so used to talking about their pus stories with their doctors they think everyone else has an interest or even a stomach for such gory body details.
Yeah, they actually have a binder on “How to deal with Mark LaBouff.” I’m only halfway through it. Oh, and Stacy told me about how you actually made her cry. And don’t get me started on what you did to poor Gene. That guy was so nice, I just hope his family can recover.
You can read your newspaper from within the same room ? Braggart.
oh you poor dear. And I thought I was bad at 46. I do have one of those day of the week things but it’s for vitamins. For a while there I was going bonkers on vitamins and supplements. Then I got cancer. That’ll teach me.
Please tell me there’s more hope than this!
I feel your pain.
I’m quite an active person and love moving about abit – not particularly exercise, but just going places etc. I’d be bumped if my body started crippling up and I can’t quite imagine being old and having to take forever to make a pot of tea. I watch my Dad bounce about at 55 and I think I’d be heavily depressed if it was the opposite because he’s always been very fit and active. I constantly nag him about being careful with the housework and not tax his back and knees. I still look at my parents with the eyes of a 10 year old, but a head of a 25 year old – I wish they could be healthy forever, but I know one day they’ll slow down and it hurts to watch them slow down. Mum was diagnosed with diabetes recently and it was quite a shock to us but she’s been very co-operative about eating right. I just really want them to live with as little pain and possibly, no suffering at all – is that possible?
In some ways it sucks getting older, but then I think what a dumbass I was in my younger years. It’s a trade off. The Ambien has stopped working, even with the wine. Hmmmm, I need cough syrup!
LMAO!!!!!!!! How true, How true!!!!!!!!!!
I wonder if the indignity of getting old is a way to keep us humble? I don’t know if God has a sense of humor or a cruel streak, or if it’s a combination of the two. You don’t look a day over 52!
I echo the caution about the Ambien. I take 1/2 pill if needed. One night I felt I REALLY needed it and took a whole pill. The nighmares and after effects were atrocious.
Your entry is too funny. I’m almost old enough to be yo mammy so let me tell you, it only gets worse. Yesterday I was sitting on the patio, sucking on the oxygen and enjoying the sun. My son-in-law came out to indulge in one of his cigars. He looked around the yard and said, “I have a dead bush.” I said, “So do I, Baby; so do I.”
I love the title! My hubby is 49 and he is getting to where he is repeating his ‘when I was young’ stories and the kids laugh and humor him even though they’ve heard it a hundred times before. Have you tried physical therapy for your ankle? It may help. Other than that I have no suggestions because you are an old man and there is no cure for that!
I am about to suffer my 17th anniversary of my 48th birthday. Tell me your pain! I survive because the alternative is a bit grimmer…
When I was young I rode to school in a wooden school bus. True!!
Believe me—-it just gets worse!! I can certainly relate to this, but I am also 17 yrs. older than you. My bedtime treat is just a little different than yours. Mine is Metamucil and ground flax seed. Anything to keep thing “moving” properly!! lol
Well regardless of what your body feels like- you still look young!
When I hit 40, I started skidding down OLD MOUNTAIN – hitting every bump and pothole along the way!!! (And BY THE WAY! I DID buy one of those old people pill dispensers with the day of the week and time. Seriously. )
I dont know, I am 46 this year, recovery time is slow but I still have my get up and go. Yoga, I say, try some yoga. And tequila. That would be my medical advice.
the bright side: at least youre not a woman who had to give birth several times.
You might as well buy some Depends while you’re at it. Sounds like you’re only a few weeks away from needing them.
wow 48 is not that old at all. how can you have these sort of health problems already!? j/k actually it could be worst, you’re pretty health and a lot of these things are only temperary. ^_^
I feel your pain—literally.
Do you wash down the Ambien with a quart of Mountai Dew?
I can sadly relate to so much of this!
Sitting here off work to have knee surgery, I so relate to this. Of course I was in a Barry Manilow mosh pit fighting off old ladies who buy those Depends you looked at when I hurt myself…but that’s another story. What I was going to tell you was that back when I was still working…I was in the hospital one day talking to a co-worker and was “Amen”d by a doctor who happened to be eavesdropping when I said “Hey, if God didn’t love us he wouldn’t have created that codeine cough syrup that makes lovely martinis when mixed with orange vodka.” Enjoy the cough syrup while it lasts.
Oh, honey….you ain’t seen nothing yet! bwahahahahahahaaha (evil laugh)
This is too funny. I had one of those pill dispensers, but I forgot where I placed it and it’s been lost since.
I’m also sharing the bronchitis thing…and it sucks!!! Here’s to better health! Enjoy your cocktail.
I feel your pain BRO.
By the way, as a nurse, I just wanted to add that you most likely have the low back pain because of your uneven gait when you walk due to the limp. Once you get that resolved you should be able to get rid of the low back pain…..the rest of it though……uhhhhhh, just make sure your will is up to date….LOL
my knee hurts. RYC: I waited for Bertha, she never showed I was kind of bummed out.
Everybody — and I mean everybody — sooner or later will have a plastic pill container. Cigarman has his; I have mine. And never complain about prescription co-pays. You are lucky to have insurance. So you just have to laugh.
Everybody — and I mean everybody — sooner or later will have a plastic pill container. Cigarman has his; I have mine. And never complain about prescription co-pays. You are lucky to have insurance. So you just have to laugh.