April 19, 2007
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AND ON BEHALF OF THE ALMIGHTY, JUST LET ME SAY…
I passed by a church marquee today that advertised the following sermon title for Sunday: “What would God say to Donald Trump?”
I imagine God would say “lose the cheesy comb-over dude” but I’m not really sure.
I was told by someone who is familiar with this church that this sermon is part of an entire series; all of which speculate on what God might say to particular celebrities. While I never cease to be amazed by people who feel they can speak directly on behalf of God (subject for another post), I do think this sermon series is a brilliant idea and I’d like to offer my own contributions:
To Geraldo Rivera: “Man, you should have asked; I would have told you there wasn’t anything in the vault.”
To over-paid professional athletes: “Stop it! I had nothing to do with you winning the game.”
To Cher: “For someone who is older than I am, you still look pretty good.”
To Hugh Grant: “Just because her name was ‘Divine’ doesn’t mean she was sent from me.”
To Don Imus: “I giveth, and CBS taketh away.”
To George Bush: “Please, please…stop telling people you know me.”
Ok…Ok…I know that putting words in God’s mouth might seem a little sacrilegious. Since I am on a church staff part time, I would never intentionally do anything that had even the remote appearance of being religiously inappropriate. As proof, I offer the following photo of me in the pulpit leading music (which was taken and then photo-shopped by a friend who holds my same convictions regarding the absolute and unshakeable austerity of the ministry):
Comments (34)
You must be speaking to an all-male audience.
Kathi
Oooo – a baton!
hahahahaha! i espiecally likee the one you said about george bush. ^_^
For once I am speechless……..
LMAO!! love the quotes! especially cher and george bush!
but what on earth do u have in your hand there?
btw, you sound like a cool minister. are you still one?
Bwahahahahaaaaa! *wipes tear from eye* Too funny. Thanks.
Many years from now, the Church of the Prophet LaBouff will hold an annual ceremony, in which parishioners are blessed with the holy double-dildo.
That photo may quite possibly be the best thing I’ve seen all day
And the God quotes…priceless. Thank you!
Methinks you’re squeezing that boy pretty tightly.
I can’t hear you. Hold that microphone a little closer to your mouth.
Well I’m sure you had their attention! To Pamela Anderson: “No you can’t take them with you.”
hahahaha
Perhaps you should come to our church and liven up the music department a little.
Hahaha. Oh my…that is so good. If I was at work I might lose my job because I’m laughing so hard. Ha.
Orange is definitely your color
xoxoxo
This meeting will come to order….
LOL i love those!!!!
I don’t know mark. I was there. Maybe I just couldn’t see your hand because of where I was sitting.
And I only hint at indiscretions, not show pictures!
RYC: It’s not Alzheimer’s when you do it on purpose. (-:
This is hilarious! You win my award today for The One Who Makes Me Laugh Hardest:) Hugs are all you get.
Wow.
I really do hate those billboards. “You know that, ‘love your neighbor stuff?’ I meant that.”
Since when is God such a friggin smart ass?!
I’m laughing so hard, I woke up the dog! I’m wiping the tears from my face…..hahahahahahahahaha…while trying to type. I have to steal this and pass it on to a few of my “friends”, (and I use that word loosely) on a Christian site my hubby belongs to. Oh, goody! I’ve always wanted to be thrown off a forum!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
And I LOVED some of the above comments! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…can you hold the microphone closer to your mouth……oh, my……hahahahahahahahahaha…stop, my belly hurts!
Glo
unshakeable is right. have a good weekend. please go wash your hands.
Too funny. Reminds me of those “God is always with you” cartoons.
lmao at the photo!!
This is hilarious!!! Thanks for making me pee my pantaloons!
Haha, pricelss! I love it!
Good morning….and just to let you know, you now have a few more fans who’ll be stopping by. I can’t wait for the next installment!
Remind me to never shake hands with you!
Is that Okie for wireless mic? Comments and all just too funny!
And God would say to Mark LaBouff: I gave you the gift of laughter to pass on to people when they need it most.
And here’s my list of responses to that photo. I just couldn’t choose one:
“It would be even funnier if it were your own.”
“Damn! That’s where that one went. I’ve been missing it for hours.”
“Ahhh…so now we know the truth of why you’re no longer in the ministry. If you’re a guy, they kick you out for holding one of those.”
“Can I borrow it?”
“Are you singing ‘thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me’?”
–Glenna (http://www.afridgefulloffood.typepad.com/gsspot)
Holly Crap!….bet everyone would really be paying attention though, I know I would!….LOL
OK, OK, I know—we religious folks can tend to put too many words in the mouth of God when we are speaking our minds to people on His behalf. Seems to me, even if we have a proof text to make it appear that we are speaking His very words, so that we have convinced ourselves in our own minds that we are conformed to 1 Peter 4:11
–(“If any man speak, let him speak as the oracles of God; if any man minister, let him do it as of the ability which God giveth: that God in all things may be glorified through Jesus Christ…”)– we often do not pass the test of LOVE, and sound more like a gong. 1 Corinthians 13:1
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
The main purpose of truth is love: 1 Peter 1:22
Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently:
My response your post is, God can use this to remind me that I will be held accountable for everything I say. Especially if I claim to represent Him. If I am speaking as His witness, He cares more than anyone else does about how it comes across.
Matthew 12:36
But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.
When all the laughter dies down and there is no more MySpace to vent our feelings on, I want to be able to look Him in the eye and say I loved passionately with His Love, spoke according to His Spirit, and exalted Him rather than myself by what I said.
“Thy rod and thy staff…” dang….
It took me a minute to figure out what it was that you are “holding”, but figured it out. Even if I hadn’t, your comments would have set me straight.
Um….towel rack?