April 2, 2007
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After only 30,000 glorious miles of wind in my hair and bugs in my teeth, I’ve decided to sell the mid-life-crisis car. There are several reasons behind my decision, but the primary issue is that the car just didn’t live up to the hype. For example – at no time did my car cause the clothes to simply fall off of a super model and incite her to beg me to have my way with her…so really, what’s the use? Another reason is that four new tires and a front end alignment recently set me back $1,800.00. That’s a case of the dealership having their way with me, and trust me, it was better for them than it was for me.
Truth be told, my personality is really more “Ford Escort” anyway. I used to make fun of people who drove cars like mine, and then…I became one. I sold out to “the man” and I’m deeply ashamed. Ok, I’m not really ashamed, but it sounded very politically correct to say that, so I thought I would.
While I was driving the mid-life-crisis-mobile, I did find that I was more aware of who was behind the wheel of other sports cars I encountered on the road and I have a few observations to make.
Everyone knows that guys who drive cars like mine tend to fall into one of two categories: they are either old, fat guys, or they are guys who have tiny little stick-shifts and they are trying to compensate. I fall firmly into both categories so it was inevitable that I would buy a sports car. But what about the women who drive them? I have noticed that women in sports cars tend to drive convertibles and I can come close to guessing who might be behind the wheel just by seeing the car. Here are a few examples:
Miata or Mustang Convertible: Sorority Chick. Has daddy’s credit card locked firmly between her fake nails. Shows her distain for the remainder of humanity by the way she flicks her hair and checks her make up in the review mirror while she’s driving.
Beemer Convertible (325C or Z4): 24 yrs old. Blond (obviously). Husband is a Dentist in his second marriage. On her way to the tanning salon and to pick up his bratty kid from school.
Mercedes SLK 500: 27 yrs old. Blond (again). Used to stand in front of cars like the one she’s driving now at the Boat, Sport, and Travel Show in a low-cut top. Husband is a personal injury attorney. There’s more plastic in her than there is in the car.
Bentley Continental: 42 yrs old. Got the car in the divorce when she caught her stock broker husband with the chick in the Mercedes SLK 500. Uses it for long road trips between her apartment in the city and her beach front condo. There’s a 26 year old male underwear model in the passenger seat.
You might find my observations patently sexist. “Why couldn’t an intelligent, successful woman purchase an upscale convertible if she wanted too?” I hear you ask. Well…Intelligent, successful women are much to smart to invest their hard earned money in something that loses half it’s value when you drive it off the lot (only men are that stupid). The smart, successful women are driving two year old SAAB’s and investing the difference in mutual funds.
So, for me, it’s bye-bye Beemer. It was fun while it lasted. I purchased a 1997 Grand Am to replace it for not much more than the cost of a single payment on the mid-life-crisis-mobile (no, I’m not kidding).
It won’t blow the clothes off of a super model, but my wife is the only super model I need.
(I may be stupid enough to buy an overpriced sports car, but I’m smart enough to know when it’s appropriate to suck up.)
Comments (34)
Is the car gone already?!?!?!
Nice observations. Some of us successful women drive Honda Elements! Now, I can’t speak to the size of your stick shift, but you are neither old nor fat. So, how would you describe someone who drives a 1923 Ford T-bucket Hot Rod?
A Grand Am? Ewwww.
*grin*
I can certainly understand ditching the Beemer, but to replace it with a Pontiac? Oh, the tragedy!!!
What about the gal who drives a burnt orange Avalanche? I think it might say…”get the hell out of my way, I’m bigger ‘n you.”
I think you should do car – people observations on all models. That would be fun.
haha well at least you tried it out and know it’s not good for you. i use to date a car guy and i’ll never make that mistake again. ^_^
It seems like you just posted about getting that car. Ah well, you are much more down to earth than that car would suggest. My husband’s mid-life crisis purchase would be a big fishing boat. So far he has just dreamed about it, but one of these days after the kids’ college tuition is all paid off, I expect to come home to a boat in the driveway.
So what does my car say about me? I drive a 1998 Lexus LS400.
Awesome.
Thank you for sharing about the pros and cons…
G
So what if your cool quotient just plummeted?
I’m betting that your trading in the ’97 well before the end of ’07.
Okay–I’ll buy some of this. But I might have guessed–I wrote about you in my KoffeeKween’s challenge…you should check it out when you have time.
I was so so so close to buying a red convertible Solstice and then the sales guy ignored me and talked to my dad and my boyfriend and I quickly changed my mind. I ended up sticking with my 2000 Mitsubishi and later came to my senses about 2 seaters… I plan on having kids in the near future anyway.
Are you going to shed even the smallest tear when it’s gone?
Damnit…I loved that car…
I think guys who are honest as you are and you think reasonably tend to get far more out of life then them guys with two seaters.
Nieza
OK, someday I’d like to have a summer-car AND a winter-car here. My winter car is already here – a 2002 Escape SUV. Goes anywhere, does anything, and it’s paid for.
My summer car: Why waste it on an expensive new lethargic throttled-back-for-energy-saving hunk of metal that costs as much as my house payment? Give me a 60s Pontiac GTO. With everything it could have under the hood. I’ll show you this blonde can drive.
Well, you didn’t comment on women with ’02 Dodge Caravans ….BUT…please don’t. lol I feel like an old woman driving it anyways, but it’s roomy and it hauls all my children and their friends….and it hauls HUGE loads of unnecessarily purchased yard sale items and most importantly bags upon bags of Avon!! lol I suppose it fits me just fine. You haven’t had your car real long have you? I remember when you got it. It hasn’t been a year yet has it? I’m sure you had fun cruising in it but I am even more sure that not having the payments will be even better!! Hope you find a decent buyer soon.
Well, better to fall firmly into the tiny stick shift category than to do so flaccidly.
Very entertaining entry! You look good with that car!!! Thanks for the smiles!
i do have to admit that i love your car. lol but you can now say you survived your mid life crisis and have come out the other side and you know that you are not a sports car man now. Ok, i had this loveable sweet substitue in highschool, (a few many years ago) and he was very grey headed and well, old. And he drove a Miata… lol it was even bright lime green. So i think your car isn’t that bad…
Smart successful women also drive 350ML’s….only because the guilt of getting the SLK was too great and the kids couldn’t fit in the sporty car!…RATS!….LOL
I fell in love with Mazda Miatas when they first came out. The ex used to ask where I would put the kids in a two-seater, to which I replied “In your vehicle. Duh.” Not knowing how to drive a stick quickly killed that notion.
I love your observations/stereotypes, btw. And more power to the Bentley driver !
since you have a little more money now, care to share the wealth?
Referring to your wife as a super model, now here’s a guy with class who knows cars as well as women!
That car must have kept you up many nights with how much it costed. It gives me heart burn just thinking about it.
Lucky wife…lucky you.
When I bought my PT Cruiser several years ago, I had two reactions. Some people said, “That’s the ugliest car I’ve ever seen.” Other people said, “that’s YOUR car?” like I can’t drive a cool car. People either love it or hate it. Oh, and you look like a priest in that black shirt.
Made the leap today. First time I have been without a pickup in 35 years. Swapped my gas guzzler 4×4 for a 2007 Pontiac Vibe. No more boats, bye bye camper trailers. Next stop is the old folks home.
but…it’s pretty! I liked the alfa romeo, but it of course was not mine. tons of road feel and lotsa power. vroom vroom.
That is an awfully sweet car. But even if it did attract nude supermodels, what good would that do without a back seat?
I’m once again late to the party, but I remember when you posted about getting the MLC car! Just don’t go to the other extreme and drive a 1997 Dodge Caravan, like yours truly, lol! I think what my car says about me is that I didn’t save enough between braces and colleges! :-p
Hope you and your family have a wonderful Easter.
Kathi
My best friend is my age—65. We visited her a couple years ago. She had a beautiful blue Corvette. (And a Harley—but that is another story). She wanted me to go with her to a shopping center—riding in the ‘Vette. I opened the door, and discovered the seat was almost sitting on the driveway. Told her we would take our van. Told her that if I managed to get down INTO the seat of the ‘Vette, I’d have to roll out of it onto the parking lot, and somehow pull myself up off of the ground. Told her she didn’t really want to see that—-and neither would anyone else!!
Gorgeous Beemer, though.
Nice!
Great car! Hey, I hope you and your family had a wonderful Easter! I enjoyed a long Easter break.
UPDATE!!!!
Hey Mark,
I am going through withdrawal here….time for you to add a new post!!! RYC: MAD Magazine! No wonder you have such a great sense of humor! Hasn’t that magazine been around for a long time? I remember that my best friend in high school used to read it. Confession – I don’t know if I have ever read one! I think I will pick one up…sounds like I am missing out on some good stuff….
I loved the descriptions on the cars!!!
How would you describe a divorced red head with a Hyndai Sonata… 2003 model. Looks like a Jaguar but it’s not!
Your wife is a very lucky woman!!!!