March 21, 2007

• IT NEVER RAINS IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

  (But it does drizzle all day, and in March it’s colder than a witch’s tit)

   

  I’m sorry I haven’t updated or been around to everyone’s site in a while. My wife had to attend a dental conference in Huntington Beach, CA and I went along for the ride. I didn’t go online during the trip because the hotel charged for internet service and I am a cheap bastard.

   

  Now that I’m back at the office, I thought I’d blow off all the work that’s pilled on my desk and do a photo blog of the trip.

   

  As I mentioned, we were in Huntington Beach, officially known as “Surf City, USA.”  Here’s a photo of the famous pier:

   

  

   

  The temperature was in the 50’s most of the time we were there. Here is a picture of crazy people so desperate for sun that they are lying out on the beach in their swimsuits next to people in coats:

   

  

   

  While my wife was attending her conference I spent most of the day sitting in an Irish pub next to the beach, drinking Baileys on the rocks, and people watching. I did notice that the fashionable trend in beach wear for young women is to cover a dental floss bikini with a pair of Daisy Duke cut off jeans. Then they undo the fly and roll down the sides of the shorts to display the bikini bottoms underneath. I found this display to be innapropriately provocative and morally reprehensible…and I stayed in the pub for an additional four hours just to make absolutely sure that I was truly outraged.

   

  Once the conference was over we did some legitimate site seeing. We drove down to Newport Beach where anyone driving a car that costs less than $100,000.00 is only allowed in the city limits with a police escort and went on a whale and dolphin watching tour.  Here is a picture of a very friendly dolphin that followed our boat waiting on the locals to drop some of their breakfast caviar overboard:

   

  

   

  We drove from there up to Long Beach where anyone not wearing gang colors needs a police escort to see the Queen Mary (which, if it had two more smoke stacks, would make a great Cingular “Raising the Bar” commercial):

   

  

   

  The Queen Mary is supposedly haunted. We took the “Ghost Tour” during which they took us through sections of the ship in which paranormal sightings have occurred. Here is a photo of a series of staterooms where apparitions have been seen:

   

  

   

  In this completely un-retouched photo of the same staterooms only moments later you can see that their claims may have some credibility:

   

  

   

  While on the “Queen Mary” my wife took a picture of me next to a giant photo of my hero the “Queen Liberace”:

   

  

   

  “How could Liberace possibly be your hero?” I hear you ask. Anyone who can play the piano that well while wearing all that jewelry, a feather boa, and a bra and panties is a hero in my book. I’ve tried the same thing many times and it’s not nearly as easy as it looks.

   

  Here I am doing my best “Captain Ahab” impersonation:

   

  

   

  Finally, here we are back at our hotel with my gorgeous wife standing in front of some ceramic lions whose breakfast apparently did not agree with them:

   

  

   

  It was a great trip, but I’m glad to be back in Oklahoma where there is actually sunshine and 80 degree weather. I think I’m going to slip on my bikini and short-shorts, and head off to the lake.

  • 12:54 pm
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