September 4, 2006
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TIM THE TOOL MAN HAS GOT NOTHING ON ME
I’ve mentioned before that the guys in my office like to call my masculinity into question for the following reasons:
- I have no interest in college or professional sports. I will watch golf on occasion, but only when I can’t find my sleeping pills.
- I have never developed a taste for beer. I listen to all the hype about barley and hops and brewing temperature and light and dark and domestic and imported and to me it all tastes like weasel urine.
- I not only like show tunes, but as a person who spent many years as pianist/musical director for area theater groups, I often play show tunes.
- After a year of taking ballroom dancing lessons with my wife I can dance a pretty mean rumba, cha-cha, triple-step swing, and fox trot, but my waltz and quick step still needs lots of work.
None of their ribbing bothers me because I’m completely secure in my “guy-ness.” I think farts are funny, I refuse to ask directions, I own underwear older than my children, and I can give a woman 45 seconds of pure ecstasy.
Pretty impressive “Guy” credentials if I say so myself.
After this weekend, however, I will be able to take photographic proof of my rugged manliness back to my office. I needed to do some major leveling work in my back yard so I rented a backhoe. Contrary to what I originally thought, a backhoe is not a working girl with a big booty, but is a piece of diesel and hydraulic machinery guaranteed to make the testosterone levels surge in any male.
I felt like a three year old playing with a dump truck. It was lot of fun, but most importantly, I was able to get the backyard leveled without knocking the house down. My male neighbors from houses all around ours came to marvel at my backhoe and bow before my superior manhood.
Yep…I plan to take the pictures into the office on Tuesday and prove once and for all that I have the biggest backhoe in the office.
Comments (22)
You look like Fred or Barney working in the rock quarry! LOL Show the guys at work that backhoe and they’ll never again question your manliness. By the way, when have you tasted weasel urine?
Kathi
Well done! It must be a manly weekend, I just bought an 800 sq. in. grill!
I feel manly when I use power tools too. The boys always want to take them away and show me how its done. I have a metaphorical penis. Sometimes its bigger than the mightiest of men in the neighborhood. Too bad when they look for my metaphorical penis its always hidden in the shadow of my large ta-tas.
I saw the episode where Tim took ballroom dancing, and if you haven’t seriously injured your instructor, you already have him beat. Impressive.
Take it from a fifty year old…the sooner you quit being concerned about what other people think about you the better life is! And in my experience a lot of men who “call other men’s masculinity into question” are secretly struggling with their own masculinity. Embrace who are are and enjoy life! It’s too short to do otherwise.
Now if only you had hired cheerleaders for the event!
Your son just about outdid you with the size of his grill, but I think the heavy machinery still wins out. Brought back fond memories… my ex never found an occasion too small to rent something big and yellow, bless his black little heart.
And I hope it’s not indicative of my guyness, but I think I just mastered the use of the grease gun, and lubed up my mower deck.
Why is it that when a man is working with heavy equipment all the other guys come out to watch? I think I could have a booming business if I rented out equipment for the ”boys” in my neighborhood to play with!
Big machine. Dig much dirt. Me like.
Now, where my weasel urine?
congratulations
that is pretty much awesome
Yes! Weasel urine! I’ve never quite known how to describe the taste of beer. Thank you.
I put together a swing set. Big, metal, and moving parts. Yep, I know just how you feel. Wouldn’t feel very manly showing pictures of it, but I could do my helicopter routine. That always makes me feel manly.
Just when is the last time you drank weasal urine?….you must stop that right away!
Yep, men and their backhoe’s….my husband is trying to talk me into a lawn tractor…like we really could ever use such a huge contraption!….I let him dream on and tell him “we’ll see”…our 10 year old has informed his father that “we’ll see” means NO…..smart kid, huh?
Tractors…weasel urine…”My Fair Lady”…life is good.
ryc: At the risk of admitting a defect, I cannot belch. Never could. I should have Jen teach me, as she holds the record in this house, and has set the goal that all others aspire to.
And bobbin/Bobbit ? bwahahahahah !!
Just have the men in your office call me, I will make them wish they were you! Of course I will have to make up stuff since I dont know you beyond xanga but hey, thats what virtual friends are for…right?
The Larry the Cable Guy ensemble is proof positive you are a manly man!
Yep, I saw something similia to this last weekend when my hubby rented a tractor for work in our yard
He loved it too 
Hey……I think farts are funny and I’m not a guy! LOL
I hang out a lot with my six year old son… You look like BOB the builder, CAN we build it? YES we CAN!
How do YOU know what weasel urine tastes like? Good honesty part about the 45 seconds >snickers<
Weasel urine is mainly appropriate for English and other European beers. For others, I recommend “New York sewer rat piss.” Of course, I happen to like certain types of beer (the kind that doesn’t look like or in any other way resemble biological byproducts), but I’m a snob and I heartily agree with the analogy to a certain extent (and I’m trusting your word on the experiential proof ot its validity…because surely no one would ever print anything without thoroughly checking it out first, right?
P.S. In Texas, except for Shiner, TX (naturally), would it be armadillo pee?
P.P.S. I don’t expect your agreement, and your point about not liking ANY beer, no matter the processing method, is well taken. Completely disagreed with, but well taken.