May 7, 2006

• Pick up your copy today of the sensational New York Times bestseller:

  
  

   

  
  

  “THE LAST OF THE LABOUFFS”

  
  

   

  
  

  Ok…so that doesn’t have quite the ring of “The Last of the Mohicans” but at least it alliterates.

  
  

   

  
  

  I’m currently on a flight to Philadelphia, which is the setting for about 8000 historical novels. That, and a trip to see some relatives yesterday that I didn’t know I had until a few years ago, has me thinking about my family history and whether it could be the basis for a titillating novel.

  
  

   

  
  

  Why “The Last of the LaBouffs”?  Well…for a large portion of my life I was told I was the last living “LaBouff” and that if I didn’t dutifully propagate the species, the family name would be lost forever. My father had three brothers, and out of that group, I was the only male offspring. My father was also not aware of any extended family that might bear the LaBouff name. He had been told that his father had several brothers, but he never met them. In fact, he was not allowed to speak of their existence as he was growing up. Apparently, his uncles had a falling-out at some point that rendered them “personas-non-gratis” in the eyes of my grandfather.

  
  

   

  
  

  I was told all of this long before the time you could Google your family name and get 10,000 hits along with numerous pop-up adds for male enhancement products and the chance to play virtual Whack-a-Mole for a free Razr cell phone. Therefore, I grew up believing the survival of the LaBouff name was in my hands, or perhaps more accurately, in my loins. When I got older, I proceeded to propagate away and like a proud Chinese family, had a boy. Having fulfilled my destiny, I was looking forward to passing the propagation responsibilities down to my son.

  
  

   

  
  

  Imagine my surprise when I received an email a few years back from a Sharon LaBouff in California.  The spelling of the name was the same bastardized, American version of “LeBoeuff” as mine, so her email sparked some hope that there were “others” out there (like in the show “LOST” only less prone to mysteriously abduct people).

  
  

   

  
  

  Sharon and I began to compare notes and discovered that we were, in fact, both descendants of this band of feuding brothers. She had been doing genealogy research for some time and had been able to locate many such descendants. She invited all of us to attend a LaBouff family reunion in Laughlin, Nevada in 1999. 109 of us showed up.

  
  

    

  
  

  When I walked into the hotel in Laughlin, I was greeted by a large group of LaBouffs, all wearing those fake “Billy Bob” teeth; making me immediately happy that they all share the same sophomoric, juvenile sense of humor I have.

  
  

   

  
  

  Sharon had traced our family tree all the way back to the early 1600’s and, as the family historian, had many stories to tell. It seems my grandfather and his brothers all lived in St. Joseph, Missouri. As a young man, my grandfather worked on a farm for a farmer and his wife. Apparently, the farmer caught my grandfather “plowing” his wife, and was none too pleased by the discovery. The woman claimed it was rape and my grandfather fled to Oklahoma, either to escape prosecution by the authorities, or to escape being shot by the farmer’s wife.

  
  

   

  
  

  I was told later; that Sharon was hesitant to tell me the story for fear that I would be offended. Nothing could be further from the truth. I love knowing that my grandfather was a nefarious character because I can now claim that my every failing as a human being is not my fault, but is entirely the result of genetic pre-disposition.

  
  

   

  
  

  I don’t know if the rape charge is the cause of the rift between my grandfather and his brothers or not. My father heard it had something to do with a failed bank, numerous affairs, and a crazy family matriarch that may have burned down a Catholic church.

  
  

   

  
  

  I think all of this would make the great basis for a novel. The story needs to be fleshed out, but it already has sex, money, lies, betrayal, insanity, and arson. What more could you want?

  
  

   

  
  

  Mmmm…I wonder if should option the movie rights quickly, or wait until the novel goes to paperback?

  • 3:30 pm
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