January 12, 2006
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SO, YOU WANNA BE IN PICTURES?
I haven’t mentioned it much lately, but my wife and I are still doing the LA Weight Loss program and we are both on the downhill slope and are nearing our goals. I’m quite happy to report that I’m down almost 30 lbs and have 13 more to go. My wife has lost 40 lbs, and let me just say (hmmm…thinking of a cultured and civilized way to say this) she looks damn fine walking out of a room (and damn fine walking into one as well). We have less than two months left on the program. I’ll post the official “before and after” photos when we reach our goals.
I’ve been working hard at this. My counselor at “the center” asked me yesterday if I had any redefined goals at this point. I replied that after years of looking like the Michelin Man that I’m now going for the “Nicole Ritchie/Ethiopian famine victim” look.
I realize that the program seems a little shrouded in mystery and several of you have asked if it includes any ancient pagan rituals or animal sacrifices. The answer is; yes, it does, but I can’t tell you about them because the microchip they implanted in my brain relays everything I say or type to the Holy Earth Mother. The penalty for divulging information is being force fed an entire package of Oreos smothered in Haggen-Dazs.
I will, however, list what I typically consume in an average day:
Breakfast – Non-fat yogurt and an apple.
Mid Morning – Mysterious “LA Weight Loss Bar” which tastes oddly like I think Soylent Green might taste.
Lunch – 6oz can of dry tuna over a tossed salad with two drops of non-fat salad dressing.
Mid Afternoon – 2nd mysterious “LA Weight Loss Bar,” this time in popular “Milk of Magnesia” flavor, banana.
Dinner – 6oz of baked chicken/fish/emu with steamed vegetables.
Late Night Snack – Jello, ‘cause everybody loves jello.
Along with this you are required to drink 72 gallons of water between breakfast and bed time which means that you burn a lot of calories each night getting up to go take a piss every 20 minutes.
According to my calculations this comes to 12 calories a day. I am combining this with four days a week of treadmill work and weight lifting and one day when my wife and I go for a four mile power walk/run.
So…this isn’t brain surgery; Marlon Brando could lose weight on this program.
They have hung an interesting carrot in front of us (we CAN have carrots on this diet). Apparently, it is rare for them to have couples in the program together, and they think we might make for good advertising. So, they are considering us as possible candidates to go to
Comments (25)
Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well.
I’m proud of ya. My foray into the world of culinary arts means that I’m incapable of doing something like this….for now anyway.
“she looks damn fine walking out of a room” wow what a great hub for noticing! I love it when mine does! Great work, congrats to you both!
how funny…..poor me….my dear departed only told me when i didn’t look good, ie “You’re NOT gonna wear THAT, are you?”
Sounds pretty amazing. But from what you’re saying, it does seem logical that you would lose weight on that diet. The question is, what motivates you to STAY the course? 2 drops of dressing? What about the loaf of french bread that goes with your salad? Where is the chocolate on this diet? Ice Cream?
The secret? Calories in. Calories out. Well done.
Great job on the weight loss! So what does emu taste like? Chicken? You should go for the commercial thing! I think it would be fun! A free trip too, you can’t beat that!
Oh wow, now THATS incentive. I need that kind of incentive.
HAHAHAHA, you’re so funny! Great job, btw. A big CONGRATULATIONS to you and your wife!
Oreos and Haagen Dazs you say? Is that actually in the contract so you can hold them to it?
The question you have to ask yourself here is, “Will we be serving as the before pictures or the after pictures?”
Great job on the weight loss! You are an inspiration to me!
Mmmmm… sounds delicious. Always have been curious about Soylent Green. Excellent job on trimming the pork! (What odd things sports cars do to people….)
The only thing harder than losing them, is hiding well enough so they can’t find you again.
Good luck.
xoxoxo
Good job!, I am still doing the diet soup thing, actually, I started back on it after taking a break during the holidays…I had lost 6.5 pounds the first week I did it, and managed to keep 4.5 pounds off! So that was great, I have been on it again since Monday, and am already down another 4 lbs, and the best part is that the soup is really yummy, although, I must admit that I love soup, so for me, it is an easy thing to do….Several people have asked me about the soup thing, and I promise I will post the recipe once I have been on it at least 2 weeks and verify that it continues to help you lose weight.
Keep up the good work, I think that a trip to FL would be great…would you be the “before” model?…just kidding!
Go support their business ..it is obvious they can help people…and you and your wife can…..enjoy each other’s company
Way to go with the program. Do you think your commercial will be anything like the ones with Kirstie Alley (for another program)?…you could practice dancing to “It’s raining men” just in case.
Good Luck!
I’m sorry, but Nicole Ritchie is not your best look.
Soylent Green is People! ick
That is AWESOME! I laughed soooo hard at the last line of this entry. I’m doing the Amanda plan and I’ve lost 30lbs.
I should make commercials too.
I think it’s wonderful that you both are working together on it. I have done the calculations and I can eat 18 times the amount of food you are and STILL be under the fat/calorie intake that I am consuming right now! lol
I’d be spilling my guts right and left for the Oreos and Haggen-Dazs. Some penalty !!
RYC: No, no! It’s not worth jail time!
Congrats to you and your wife on your weight loss and possible brush with stardom! Good luck! Btw, your descriptions of those LA Weight Loss Bar flavors about made me lose some weight, lol!
Kathi
Right….so NO MORE COOKIES! No matter how much you beg!
The cost of the program is the incentive to stick to it! Congratulations to both of you!
Wow. Congratulations. I’m jealous. I need to drop some poundage myself but I don’t think I’d last long on your plan.
You do know that you’ve just started the All Emu All the Time diet craze, don’t you? Poor unsuspecting emus everywhere are doomed.