January 10, 2006
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I’ve entered the world of Podcasting!
I thought it would be great fun to start doing my blog as a podcast. “Why would anyone want to listen to your blog when they can spend two minutes just reading it?” I have no answer to that question; I just thought it might be fun. If you’d like to listen to the post below, just click on this link:
“We have too many high sounding words, and too few actions that correspond with them” – Abigail Adams
Senate confirmation hearings have begun for Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito. I’m fascinated by these kinds of proceedings and I’ve been “judiciously” (har har) reading over the transcripts. In the grand tradition of John “white bread” Roberts, Alito has managed, so far, to spew forth a voluminous mass of verbiage about his core beliefs and convictions that give absolutely no clue to what those core beliefs and convictions actually are. Alito began by saying that the constitution is a living entity, and that its genius is that it is “not terribly specific on certain things.” Then when asked about such issues as domestic spying, executive power, and abortion, Alito stated that “we have to follow the Constitution and the laws.” He also “promises to keep an open mind.”
When it comes to saying a lot without actually saying anything; that, my friends, is sheer brilliance.
If he wants to be confirmed, he has no choice but to follow this course. No Supreme Court nominee could be confirmed or politician be elected if they actually said what they really thought. They have to tread softly on the “offend no man” political middle ground without getting a shoe stuck in the mire of actual political debate. I’m going to call this kind of rhetoric, “Blank Speak.”
What would happen if they said what was really on their minds? Comedian Bill Maher used to do a riff on what would have happened if Bill Clinton had told the truth about Monica Lewinsky. “Mr. President, have you had inappropriate relations with Miss Lewinsky?” “Yep, she blew me. In fact, she’s blowing me right now.”
That kind of straight forward, cut to the chase, no-bullshit comment probably wouldn’t win any elections, but it sure would have made for great television.
I’ve decided that if “Blank Speak” is good enough for Supreme Court nominees and politicians in general, it’s good enough for me.
So…the next time my boss asks me what my personal sales projections are going to be for the coming quarter I plan to respond this way: “I’ve been doing intense market research and I’ve found a tenuous correlation between sales and the customer’s desire to make a purchase. Therefore, I predict the volume of my sales may well follow a basic graph line which roughly mimics this correlation.”
And there’s no reason to stop there. The next time my wife asks me if I’m ever going to start pulling my weight when it comes to doing the housework I intend to state emphatically: “As an enlightened husband, I understand that basic care, cleaning, and maintenance of our domicile should be a shared endeavor. However, my genetic makeup as a male has rendered me incapable of actually seeing dirty dishes and gigantic piles of laundry. While gender equality is certainly a worthy goal, we should also be careful to acknowledge those differences which make our individual genders unique and special. Therefore, in reference to household chores, I plan to acknowledge your equality while celebrating my maleness.”
If Alito can stay the difficult course of spending day upon day saying absolutely nothing of any substance, I predict he will be confirmed. I plan to follow suit. It’s almost time to do my taxes and when it comes to the validity of certain deductions, I plan to be as vague as possible.
Comments (17)
Loving the podcast! Well done. NPR called and said they’re interested in negotiating.
Mark, that’s absolutely great! Can you say the next Andy Rooney (only lots better)? I think so!
Alito can probably get away with saying much about nothing, but I think you might end up with a lump on your head if you give your wife that “celebrating my maleness” business!
Can we expect more podcasts?
Kathi
Great idea !!
I’d like a podcast of the fundamentalism part 1 and 2, please.
Very entertaining! You have a voice that would fit in at the NPR station.
Good luck with your wife…I doubt she’ll be vague when she sets up your bed on the couch!
My kids are pretty good at blank speak when they want to be.
Hey…I’m with Boofshavik; I’d like the fundamentalism thing on Podcast too! This post is a hoot! But couldn’t you have come a little closer to capturing Bill Clinton’s accent?
I love it!!! You’ve referrenced your Oklahoma accent several times, so I was a little disappointed that you didn’t sound the way I’ve heard you in my head these past months. You have a future in broadcast journalism…. or politics, if you keep up the double-talk!
ah.. for the love of Podcast.. I love it!
If my husband told me he was ‘celebrating his maleness’ by not helping around the house, he would be celebrating his maleness alone on the couch. LOL! Love the podcast!
The only problem with the blank speak is when your wife turns it around on you in the bedroom. “Honey I appreciate your interest in being intimate. Due to the untimeliness of your request as I am about to fall asleep, we are going to have to postpone untill a later date. I was really interested in your proposal before I had to sanitize our kitchen. Now I just feel like you celebrating your maleness alone. Good night”. …..Look before you leap. Thats all I’m saying.
If I podcast my blog instead of writing it, it will make me feel like the kind of politican that your talking about in this post…pod…whichever. Besides, I HAVE to write it out, its therapy. …and now I gotta go record something in case I wanna copy you later.
They’ve all pulled the vague act, including a few loud-mouthed women who are currently serving on the Supreme Court. Oh yeah….there’s just one. God love ya – you know he’ll get in.
Really great. I must master the ‘blank speach’ in order to become a truly effective person these days.
I find the requirements of my job to be concrete, but still require that there be a certain amount of flexibility with regard to performance indicators that makes measurement of said objectives to be difficult. that said, I think that where possible we should endeavor to meet requirements and provide services to those who truly want them. Therefore this quarter I think we will definetly serve some clients, and that there will be some outcomes.
How’m I doin?
Regarding your comment to TRabbit If we could send some of this rain over the mountains, I think everyone here would vote for that right about now. It’s no mystery why Starbucks started here…..
If you lived and worked in the academic world, blank speech would be your way of life…trust me. Pick up an “peer reviewed” journal some time when you need to be confused, or a good nap.
Congrats on the Podcast.
Good stuff here. And you’re right, Alito’s said a whole lotta nothin’.
OMG! I think you’re on to something. This is great! Besides, it helps folks like me who have ADD. I can listen to you while I clean out my desk, go through my mail, or surf the internet.
I love it!