December 22, 2005
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SOME BRIEF CONVERSATIONS I’VE HAD LATELY
Yesterday morning when I decided to play hooky from work and call in sick:
New Receptionist: Hello
Me: Hi Stacy, its Mark. I’m sick today and I won’t be coming into the office.
New Receptionist: I’m sorry to hear you’re sick, what’s the matter?
Me: Syphilis induced dementia, but it’s ok because I’m taking aspirin and the doctor says I’ll be fine by morning.
New Receptionist: <silence>
Yesterday afternoon when I was making a deposit at my bank:
Serious looking teller trying to make lame chit chat: Are you ready for Christmas?
Me: Actually I’m a Druid and I don’t celebrate Christmas, but I am planning on running naked in the snow for Winter Solstice.
Serious looking teller: <silence>
This morning when I went to weigh in at the LA weight loss center:
19 year old weight loss “professional” who keeps flipping her hair: Congratulations, you’ve lost another 2.4 lbs and your blood pressure is like, really good. Now…when was your last bowel movement?
Me: I’m not sure of the exact date, but I remember that Carter was president. Should I be concerned?
19 year old: <silence>
My wife has suggested that I at least consider the possibility that I’m not always quite as funny as I think I am.
Naaaa, that can’t be it. I think I’m just going to have to start taking a drummer with me everywhere I go to play rim shots so folks will know when I’m joking.
So, thank you ladies and germs <rimshot> I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip the waitstaff.
Comments (39)
I thought it was all hilarious.
Oh come on now….that’s funny!
HOW FUNNY! My brother and you would make quite a pair. He slays me too with just this type of comments.
You crack me up!
That’s great~
!!
Out of the main philosophy or humour always stumps the unimaginative~or perhaps it was too early in the morning.
the mass public no longer has a sense of humor. it’s a republican thing, i think, but i’m not sure why. i mean, dick cheney is a joke. right?
I think it’s great! Sometimes people just don’t understand…
I know what you mean, just yesterday
*After ordering a huge sub sandwich*
Guy at Fazolis: Would you like breadsticks with that?
Me: Actually, I’m incredibly allergic to bread. If I eat a single speck of it, I turn into a doughy version of the Incredible Hulk, covered in yeast and all that. You don’t want to have to clean that up.
Guy at Fazolis:
Good thing I bought you that portable snare rim for Christmas.
LOL, I would’ve laughed at any one of them. Some people just have no sense of humor or it’s too difficult for them to find it when caught off guard like that. Those are the ones that get coal in their stockings.
I for one thought they were all funny….loved the 19 year old “professional” thing, that always cracks me up when I see a KID in a lab coat or better yet, scrubs, pretending that they have a clue about what they are doing…but I suppose that is the snobby nurse in me! lol
Not funny? You’re a stitch!
Hehe – I think you sound very funny! But I’d be silent too if some of those things were said to me – I’d not know if you were joking or not!
By the way, thanks for the comment. Much appreciated!
And I’m glad to hear that you have good taste!
Gillian Anderson is my favourite woman in the world – but I don’t fancy her, I see her more as a motherly figure.
Now Angelina Jolie on the other hand, hehehe
You always make me laugh. Thanks.
Hahaha, I would have died laughing during all of those conversations! Great humor is really just lost on a lot of the slower, George Bush voting population.
Fishing, are we? : )
Bwah! That’s great. Though I have worked in an office of a student conference, and I’ve had stranger conversations with parents. Who were serious. Sigh.
Some people have no sense of humor. Of course, some people also don’t remember a president named Carter.
Haha, I would have said the same thing to any 19-year-old twit who asked me that question!!! I kind of feel sorry for the receptionist and bank teller, though.
Kathi
“Now that’s funny, I don’t care who you are!”
RYC: No Mr. Smarty-Pants, Santa is not a beer stein, he is ‘art’!
LOL!! OMG, I can’t believe your “weight loss professional” tried to pry into your bowel movements. She deserved a flip answer.
You and my husband should both be doing stand up in a bar where no one laughs….cuz I dont think he’s funny either…and while I thought it was funny when I read it here, Im guessing that as your wife, I might not laugh as much. What is it about marriage that makes funny people seem ridiculous to their spouse???
made me laugh.
Pretty funny, as far as I’m concerned, and perfectly appropriate answers to questions that verge on the overly nosy.
I thought they were great lines !!
*da-bomp! crash!*
The silence is always worth the comment.
Merry Christmas to you & your family, Mark.
xoxoxo
Hahahahaha. See, that’s how my humor falls on most folks’ ears. I think I look and dress serious and prim and proper so they don’t see it coming, and it stuns them into utter silence. Maybe if you wore a clown nose and large red shoes?
Hi Mark!…I was so glad you stopped by my new Xanga site, I’d missed you ever since moving from my old dbnolamom site…Anyway, thanks for stopping by and wishing me well, I do feel much better today, as for the soup thing, if I continue to lose weight with it, I will post the recipe on my blog for everyone to have.
Have a great Christmas.
I keep forgetting to tell you that my late husband was an OBU graduate….way before your time of course. He attended on a tennis scholarship. He was from Hong Kong.
I would have at least laughed politely. My problem is that sometimes I do the polite laughter and then the person turns out to be dead serious.
ROFLMAO….my daughter and I both laughed out loud at your conversations. She says had she been the weight loss professional she would have bust a gut laughing. But we both have a quirky sense of humor. Can’t wait til the solstice!
Have a very Merry Christmas, Mark and family!
Hey, I’d laugh at all those lines. But I guess the receptionist HAD to sound that way since you were missing work and all that.
But the Druid thing was hilarious, as was the Carter joke. Maybe the 19-year-old doesn’t know who Carter is?
Merry Christmas!
Lynn
I think your hystericaland I have a good sense of humor if i do say so myself. Happy whatever!!!!
Actually, I have a sense of humor very much like yours, and I carry around little cards with me like they have at the live TV shows, one says “LAUGH” the other says “CLAP”. People can’t see them over the phone, so I love the idea of a little drum to do drumrolls with…
Merry Christmas to you and your family!
LOL
Merry Christmas to you and yours.
I am wondering what happened after the silent pause? Did you let them know you were kidding Did the moment evaporate with these innocent souls left pondering the strange world they live in?Hmmm, I think its cool to offer up the unexpected ,it breaks up the monotony,and gives folks a chance to laugh…but that brings up this question…did they get it?We did , but we know you…..my guess is they did too. Mark ,you and yours have a delightful Christmas! Mia Lucia
And a Merry Christmas to you!