November 29, 2005

• HOT, WET, NASTY, SEX

  
  

   

  
  

  

  
  

   

  
  

  Now that I have your attention.

  
  

   

  
  

  I’ve been thinking about sex. “The average male thinks about sex 2,978,452 times an hour” you say, “so why the news alert?”

  
  

   

  
  

  I haven’t been thinking about sex in that way. I’ve been thinking about it purely as a social phenomenon.  Trust me, the thought process has been entirely a scholarly pursuit; no prurient interests here.

  
  

   

  
  

  The reason this topic has come to mind is that I sold my Mini Cooper yesterday, and an individual here at my office asked if I’d ever had sex in it (this is a typical conversational topic in my office). I explained that at my age, that is a complete physical impossibility. Besides, I had just put new seat covers in it, and I wouldn’t want to mess those up.

  
  

   

  
  

  I’m amazed by the impact that what is essentially, a pretty silly looking physical activity, has had on our history and continues to have on our entire culture today. After all, sex is a multi-billion dollar industry; all the way from porn, to trashy romance novels, to little blue pills that promise to give rock hard erections to 90 year old men who are too weak to do anything with them (not that anyone would want to have anything to do with a 90 year old erection with the possible exception of Anna Nicole Smith).

  
  

   

  
  

  Wars have been started over sex. Presidents have been impeached over sex. The majority of advertising revenue goes to promote products designed to enhance our sex appeal. Women give sex in order to get intimacy. Men give intimacy in order to get sex. Thousands upon thousands of bad pick-up lines have been delivered in the miniscule hope of securing one night stands that people will consider suicide over the next morning when they discover what they actually went home with.

  
  

   

  
  

  At this very moment there are two billion teenagers on this planet completely consumed with sexually induced angst.  Marriages are entered into because of it. Marriages are destroyed because of it. Legislation has been introduced to try to control how people do it. And somewhere, right now, Dr. Ruth is creeping people out talking about it.

  
  

   

  
  

  I’m not here to make any moralizations about sex. Although I will say that I think our society is becoming more and more obsessed with sex with each passing year. I’m pretty sure I was in the eighth grade before I was sure I had the mechanics all figured out. Not so many years ago I was a house parent in a home for pregnant teenagers; we had several 12 year olds live with us during that time. We are defiantly learning about sex at an earlier age.  I know that for the religious right, sex is the ultimate sin (whether they admit believing that or not). They are willing to impeach a president over sex, but they gladly support a president who lied to us about going to war.  To me that seems insane. Those of us on the left believe that sex is the business of the individual and that government should keep their nose out of it. While I agree with that, I am troubled that we live in a culture where 14 year old girls feel like they need to have boob jobs to be accepted.

  
  

   

  
  

  Don’t get me wrong, I like sex as much as the next guy. I just find the national obsession with sex to be an interesting thing. During my years in the ministry we used to talk about sex as being God’s gift. All I can say is that gift sure has been a Pandora’s Box. I sometimes think the world would be a less complicated place if we simply flew around and pollinated one another.

  
  

   

  
  

  Well, I’m off to finish some more scholarly research on the topic. If I can just get Mistress Helga to let me out of these pink, furry, handcuffs, and can get the sheep cleared out of my office, I’ll be good to go.

  • 2:12 pm
  • 21 Comments