Month: November 2005

  • HOT, WET, NASTY, SEX


     



     


    Now that I have your attention.


     


    I’ve been thinking about sex. “The average male thinks about sex 2,978,452 times an hour” you say, “so why the news alert?”


     


    I haven’t been thinking about sex in that way. I’ve been thinking about it purely as a social phenomenon.  Trust me, the thought process has been entirely a scholarly pursuit; no prurient interests here.


     


    The reason this topic has come to mind is that I sold my Mini Cooper yesterday, and an individual here at my office asked if I’d ever had sex in it (this is a typical conversational topic in my office). I explained that at my age, that is a complete physical impossibility. Besides, I had just put new seat covers in it, and I wouldn’t want to mess those up.


     


    I’m amazed by the impact that what is essentially, a pretty silly looking physical activity, has had on our history and continues to have on our entire culture today. After all, sex is a multi-billion dollar industry; all the way from porn, to trashy romance novels, to little blue pills that promise to give rock hard erections to 90 year old men who are too weak to do anything with them (not that anyone would want to have anything to do with a 90 year old erection with the possible exception of Anna Nicole Smith).


     


    Wars have been started over sex. Presidents have been impeached over sex. The majority of advertising revenue goes to promote products designed to enhance our sex appeal. Women give sex in order to get intimacy. Men give intimacy in order to get sex. Thousands upon thousands of bad pick-up lines have been delivered in the miniscule hope of securing one night stands that people will consider suicide over the next morning when they discover what they actually went home with.


     


    At this very moment there are two billion teenagers on this planet completely consumed with sexually induced angst.  Marriages are entered into because of it. Marriages are destroyed because of it. Legislation has been introduced to try to control how people do it. And somewhere, right now, Dr. Ruth is creeping people out talking about it.


     


    I’m not here to make any moralizations about sex. Although I will say that I think our society is becoming more and more obsessed with sex with each passing year. I’m pretty sure I was in the eighth grade before I was sure I had the mechanics all figured out. Not so many years ago I was a house parent in a home for pregnant teenagers; we had several 12 year olds live with us during that time. We are defiantly learning about sex at an earlier age.  I know that for the religious right, sex is the ultimate sin (whether they admit believing that or not). They are willing to impeach a president over sex, but they gladly support a president who lied to us about going to war.  To me that seems insane. Those of us on the left believe that sex is the business of the individual and that government should keep their nose out of it. While I agree with that, I am troubled that we live in a culture where 14 year old girls feel like they need to have boob jobs to be accepted.


     


    Don’t get me wrong, I like sex as much as the next guy. I just find the national obsession with sex to be an interesting thing. During my years in the ministry we used to talk about sex as being God’s gift. All I can say is that gift sure has been a Pandora’s Box. I sometimes think the world would be a less complicated place if we simply flew around and pollinated one another.


     


    Well, I’m off to finish some more scholarly research on the topic. If I can just get Mistress Helga to let me out of these pink, furry, handcuffs, and can get the sheep cleared out of my office, I’ll be good to go.

  • SEALED WITH A KISS


     


    I’m sure you’ve seen the wire story today about the 15 year old girl who died after kissing her boyfriend. Apparently, the girl had a severe peanut allergy and her boyfriend had just eaten a peanut butter snack.


     


    It’s a tragic story, and I can’t imagine how her boyfriend must feel.


     


    I’ve started an office pool on how long it will take before someone on the religious-right comes out and states that the girl’s death is God’s judgment on her lascivious behavior, and how this should serve as reminder to all teenage girls about the dangers of premarital kissing.


     


    You think I’m kidding,


     


    I give it until tomorrow afternoon.


     


    I’ll post a link.

  • THANKSGIVING BLESSINGS


     



     


    It’s Thanksgiving!


     


    I believe that Thanksgiving should be more than just a time to consume more calories in one sitting than most people in third world countries consume in a month, fight with the in-laws, and plop our gelatinous asses down on the couch to watch overpaid athletes beat the shit out of each other. I think Thanksgiving should also be a time of education and reflection on the wonderful heritage from which our thanksgiving traditions have been gleaned. I suggest the following learning activity. Trust me; it will be fun for the whole family!


     


    First, take up camp in a pristine landscape for which you have no legal claim.


    Secondly, invite members of the indigenousness population over for a big feast.


    Thirdly, introduce the plague, small pox, and venereal disease into that population.


    Finally, exploit the results!


     


    Optional project: Write a poem or make a collage which expresses your feelings about genocide by default.


     


    Ok, maybe you’re thinking that might be a bit of a downer, and that turkey and football sounds like more fun. You’re probably right, but I do want to make one suggestion: When you stop to say that prayer before you enjoy the food prepared in your beautiful kitchen, and then go on to watch the game on your big screen TV; remember for a second that our incredible prosperity has come, many times, at the expense of others and that showing thanks should be more than just a hollow prayer. Gratitude without action is meaningless. Find some way to “give back” a little. I promise that will be family activity you will never regret.


     


    Happy Thanksgiving!

  • Today is officially my “Xangaversary”. In honor of the countless hours I’ve spent on Xanga over the past year, I’ve been re-posting some of my favorite posts (one a day) from the last twelve months. Here is the final offering:


     


    Monday, June 20, 2005








     

    DIZZY, MY HEAD IS SPINNING, LIKE A WHIRLPOOL IT NEVER ENDS…


     


    Political Spin – It’s been in existence ever since George Washington uttered these famous words; “I cannot tell a lie, I did NOT have sex with that cherry tree.”


     


    I certainly understand the need for political spin. We all need to put the best light on a bad situation from time to time. However, there are times where the level of spin that comes out of Washington would put one of our Oklahoma tornados to shame.


     


    I read an article today about the release of Senator Robert C. Byrd’s memoir; “Robert C. Byrd: Child of the Appalachian Coalfields.” Let me begin by saying that I admire Byrd. He is a conservative Democrat who is poised to become the longest serving senator in history next June. My son was the recipient of the Robert C. Byrd academic scholarship all four years he was in college, so I actually owe a slightly less emaciated pocketbook to Byrd’s legacy. In his memoir, however, he talks about the one scandal that has plagued his career for the past 40 years - the year he served as an “Exalted Cyclops” in the KKK.  This is where spin reaches Tilt-A-Whirl proportions.


    Byrd says his time in the Klan was ”an extraordinarily foolish mistake.” However, he goes on to say that he never resented blacks, Catholics or Jews; he simply failed to ”examine the full meaning and impact of the ugly prejudice behind the positive, pro-American veneer.”


    So…are we to believe that he joined the KKK because it sounded like the Boy Scouts and that he didn’t really realize it was a violent, ugly, racist organization? PUUULLLLEEEEZZZZE!  I would have more respect for him if he simply stated the truth which is probably closer to “time, maturity, and experience have taught me that my early views concerning race were wrong, inexcuseable, and immoral, but at that time I just thought it would be fun to go lynch me a few black men.”


    I’m beginning to think, however, that Washington might be on to something. If spin is OK for a Washington politician, why shouldn’t we civilians use the same level of spin in our daily lives? With that in mind, I offer some possible ways to use “Washington Spin” to defend situations that people might find themselves in from time to time.


    For the child who comes home with an “F” on his report card, I suggest:


    “An ‘F’ on my report card is not an indication of failure. In fact, it is a personal statement regarding the inaccuracy of standard grading practices as they relate to the actual progress of my fellow students. Studies indicate that current grading practices discriminate against African-American and Hispanic students as well as give skewed results on the progress of both gifted and marginal students. My ‘F’ is a testament to my social consciousness and my belief that any fellow students who receive an ‘F’ should not be judged for it, or should it adversely affect their sense of self esteem.”


    For the alcoholic who falls off the wagon, I suggest:


    “My recent return to a life-style marked by the over-consumption of alcohol should not be interpreted as a socially irresponsible act. In fact, while doing stock market research, I discovered that my period of sobriety actually had a negative impact on the stock price of the Thunderbird Wine Company. Dips in stock prices often necessitate the restructuring of an organization which can result in the loss of jobs. The loss of jobs, in turn, has a negative impact on the entire U.S. economy. Therefore, my return to alcoholism should be seen as an act of economic responsibility.”


    For the husband who gets caught fooling around, I suggest:


    “Sweetheart, the recent evening I spent at the Shady Lanes Motor Inn with the new girl from the office pool should not be construed as a betrayal of our wedding vows. I was actually doing hands-on research into Freud’s Psychosexual Stages of Development as it relates to 22 year old girls so that I might better understand your development history from 20 years ago. I did this in order to be a more understanding, empathetic, and responsive husband. There’s no need to thank me, that’s just the kind of guy I am.”


    Spin…if it’s good enough for an 87 year old Senator, its good enough for me.


     


     

  • My “Xangaversary” is a few days away. In honor of the countless hours I’ve spent on Xanga over the past year, I’m re-posting five of my favorite posts (one a day) from the last twelve months. Here is offering number 4:


     


         Sunday, May 01, 2005








     

    “ANCHORS AWAY”


     


    I admit it, I’m a news junkie. ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX, CNN, MSNBC, BBC; I can’t seem to get enough. I’m becoming increasingly despondent, however, over the utter vapidity of most modern news anchors.  We used to have Walter Cronkite, now we have Heraldo Rivera. We are in news anchor hell and it only seems to be getting worse.


     


    Have you ever watched a network news cast and thought “I could do a better job than those androids”?  Well, you could; and I’m about to tell you how to break into network news. I’ve been watching closely, and it appears there are only four basic qualifications:


     


    You must have a cool name


     


    I’m sorry but Wolf Blitzer and Stone Phillips are already taken so you’ll have to think of something else.


     


    (Side note: It’s hard to imagine anyone actually naming their baby “Stone.” I’ve always thought that he was most likely conceived at Woodstock and his parents simply forgot to write down the last letter of his name when they were filling out the information for his birth certificate.)


     


    If you’re having trouble coming up with something catchy, I’ve put together a simple tool for developing a moniker that will be sure to catch the ear of the networks execs.  The first thing to note, is that for a man, the first name must be hyper-masculine and single syllable. For women, the first name must be two syllables and cute, but not so cute that you sound like a dollar-a-lap-dance stripper.  Next, you pick a word associated with any of the following categories: wild animal, weather event, common building material, or piece of military gear. Arrange these in any combination. It’s even better if the name alliterates. Some examples:


     


    Susan Tsunami


    Hank Humvee


    Gazelle Griffin


    Rick Rivet


     


    Bonus points are awarded if you can combine words from the same category:


     


    Brick Mortar


    Tank Howitzer


     


    Once you have a name chosen you can move on to the next step which is developing the…


     


    Ability to make wildly inappropriate segues.


     


    “Frank, you are certainly correct, the Red Sox were really on fire tonight. And speaking of being on fire, let’s go to Shep Sheetrock in the field with live footage from a hotel blaze which appears to have taken the lives of over 200 illegal immigrants…”


     


    Or perhaps…


     


    “Thank you Chuck for that riveting report and graphic footage of the clubbing death of 50 baby seals. Speaking of clubbing, my friends and I go clubbing every weekend, and here to report on the newest craze in dance club music is night beat reporter….”


     


    Yes, it is no longer enough to simply go from one story to the next. Now anchors must engage in mind numbing chit-chat; finding ever more inane ways to introduce upcoming material. But that’s not enough; you also have to be able to…


     


    Be completely transparent about your personal political convictions.


     


    Fox news (also know as the DNN – Dubya’s News Network) is the primary culprit when it comes to blatantly slanted reporting. It’s not uncommon to hear reports such as…


     


    “Pro-Choice supporters gathered on Capital Hill today for a rally. For news on other Godless Heathens, let’s turn to…”


     


    Or


     


    “Democrats are again trying to block some of the President’s judicial appointments. Apparently, they actually believe that being a Klan member and a Nazi war criminal is reason to keep someone off the bench…”


     


    Finally, you must have…


     


    The “look.”


     


    Men must have a chin chiseled enough to make Michelangelo feel like a failure, and women must look like a pageant contestant, only more perky. Sort of like Barbie on crack. 


     


    That’s all it takes, although a strong correlation between shoe size and IQ is a big plus. 


     


    I keep telling myself I’m just going to turn it off and go live in a commune in Montana, but I can’t help myself, I might miss an important Michael Jackson update on the “crawl” across the bottom of CNN.

  • My “Xangaversary” is a few days away. In honor of the countless hours I’ve spent on Xanga over the past year, I’m re-posting five of my favorite posts (one a day) from the last twelve months. Here is offering number 3:


     


    Friday, April 15, 2005








     

    NEATO, GEE-WHIZ, GROOVY, FAR-OUT, AND RIGHT-ON!


     


    If you’re old enough to have ever seriously used one of the words or phrases above in everyday conversation then, like me, you are probably hopelessly out of touch with the hip new jive talk the kiddos are speaking today.


     


    I discovered this recently when I looked up the Xanga sites of some High School students I know personally. After reading through pages and pages of their posts, the burning question that was on my mind was, “huh?”  I mean, it was apparent they were speaking English, but it was also apparent that none of the words they were using meant what I’ve always thought they meant.


     


    Thinking that these students I knew might be suffering from some sort of shared brain fever that was altering their cognitive abilities, I began to link to more and more student blogs to see if all High School students were speaking in this strange new dialect. That’s when it became apparent; the contemporary slang train has left the station and I’m no longer on board.


     


    In the interest of inter-generational communication, I immediately launched into an exhaustive study of these strange new speech trends. The result is a short dictionary of common terms that might help us all to understand what the hell it is these kids are talking about.


     


    Before I begin to list specific definitions, I’d like to point out that the first thing I noticed about their speech is that it has a distinctive black-urban flavor. It’s as if they are all trying out for a guest spot on Def Poetry Jam. I find this humorous because the students that I know are:


     


                A.        so white they glow in the dark, and


     


    B.        so upper-middle class that their idea of “roughing it” is having to drive mom’s Lexus to school because their Beemer is being detailed.


     


    With that in mind, I offer the following three definitions: (more will follow in later posts)


     


    BITCHES


     


    I’m old enough to remember when people actually used this term to describe canines of the female persuasion. I remember being nine years old and visiting an uncle that raised bird dogs. My uncle made the comment that he had to “tie up his bitch because she was in heat.”  I began to giggle under my breath because I thought that was the naughtiest thing I’d ever heard an adult say. My uncle just looked at me like I was crazy because, to him, that statement was no more scandalous than saying he put the car in the garage because it was raining.


     


    Most of the folks in my generation have used the term to describe women who have personalities that are somewhat less than congenial.  Neither of these uses could be farther away from the current meaning which is:


     


    Bitches   noun, plural 


     


    1.         A term of endearment referring to a small group of close friends or acquaintances.  Example sentence:  Me and my bitches are taking daddy’s Jag down to Starbucks for some lattes.


     


     


    GHETTO


     


    If the first thing that pops in your head when you see the word “Ghetto” is Elvis Presely singing:


     


    On a cold an gray Chicago morn


    A poor little baby child is born


    In the ghetto


    (in the ghetto)


    and his momma cries.


     


    Then you need to push yourself up with your walker and go grab a pen and a piece of paper because I have a new definition for you:


     


    Ghetto   adjective


     


    1.         A term describing anything that is of extremely poor grade or quality. Example sentence:  I just scuffed these $300.00 sneakers my parents bought for me, so I guess I’m going to have to throw them away because now they are freaking ghetto.


     


    PIMP


     


    When most adults hear the word “pimp”, it conjures up visions of a man in a purple hat with an ostrich feather, wearing a mink coat, and driving a 1972 Eldorado with fur on the dash. If that’s true for you, you’ve been watching too many re-runs of blaxploitation movies from the 70’s, because the new definition is:


     


    Pimp   adjective


     


    1.         Opposite of Ghetto. A term describing anything of extreme quality or anything that is very desirable.  Example sentence:  The new tattoo that Haley has on her ass, which is clearly visible because her low-rider jeans don’t come up far enough to cover even half  of her thong, is defiantly pimp.


     


    Next time: The “F-word” and how students are able to use it as a noun, verb, adjective, and adverb, all in the same sentence!


     


    If you are unsure of the definition of any words that you’ve heard teens use, please leave them in a comment and I’ll get my crack team of researchers working on it right away.


     


    In conclusion I’d just like to say that all my bitches need to leave some comments because comments are pimp, and people who don’t leave them are freaking ghetto.

  • My “Xangaversary” is a few days away. In honor of the countless hours I’ve spent on Xanga over the past year, I’m re-posting five of my favorite posts (one a day) from the last twelve months. Here is offering number 2:


     


    Saturday, January 29, 2005








     

    ARE WE HICKS HERE IN OKLAHOMA?


     


    I was listening to NPR again today. On Saturday afternoons I love to tune into a news/quiz show called “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me.” The show features a panel which is made up of columnists, commentators, and guest comedians. One of the questions was about a Congressman from Oklahoma. The comedian immediately said “any time a sentence starts with the phrase a Congressman from Oklahoma you know you’ve got trouble”.  All the panelists on the show then had a hardy laugh about all us hicks from the sticks here in the Sooner State.


     


    I think this attitude is prevalent because the national media works hard to perpetuate stereotypes. Any time there is a national news event here in Oklahoma such as the bombing of the Murrah building or a devastating tornado, the networks rush in to interview the locals. They could pick an aerospace engineer from Boeing; they could pick any number of people from the telecommunications industry; they could even pick the CEO from one of the 2000 oil and gas companies here in Oklahoma. But do they do that? No. They purposely drive as far out in the sticks as possible to find Bubba so they can do a close-up of his three Skoal-stained teeth while he talks about how he knew the tornado was going to be bad when he saw his pig come flying through his trailer window while he was trying to watch “wrasslin” on TV.


     


    Is there actually a national stereotype regarding Oklahoma, and is it deserved? I travel all over the eastern half of the U.S. and when people find out I’m from Oklahoma I always get asked the same questions. Here is a sample of those questions and the answers I typically provide:


     


    Is it true that there is something called “cock-fighting” in Oklahoma?  Yes, it is true, but contrary to what some people believe, it is not a type of Asian-gay-porn.  It’s actually a lovely custom in which we tie razor blades to the feet of chickens, put them in a pit, and cheer on our favorite while they shred each other to death. It’s fun for the whole family!


     


    Aren’t you afraid of tornadoes?  We are so desensitized to tornadoes in Oklahoma that we actually stand in our front yards during the storm season and hold up score cards as tornadoes come over our houses. “That one left Bill’s garage standing, so I’m only going to give it an 8.”


     


    Is it true that there are still Indians with bows and arrows riding around on horseback?   Yes, it’s true. And every one of them owns their own Casino.


     


    Is it true that the divorce rate in Oklahoma is the highest in the nation?  Yes, and it’s especially problematic in Oklahoma because when you divorce your wife you’re also losing your sister.


     


    Is it true that the National Rifle Association has a big influence in Oklahoma?   All I can say is that if you’re driving into Oklahoma from another state, you will be stopped at the state-line. Your car will be checked for guns and if you don’t have any, you will be given some.


     


    I love Oklahoma. I’ve lived here all my life and I don’t believe the stereotypes for a second. In conclusion, however, I do want ask this popular question:  Do you know what an Oklahoma tornado and an Arkansas divorce have in common?


     


    In either situation, someone is going to lose their trailer.

  • AULD LANG XANGSYNE


     


    It’s happened…I’ve spent a year of my life absorbed in the world of Xanga. I first became aware of Xanga when my son began to post. I found it to be a great way to keep up with him while he was away at college. One day, on a whim, I created an account and did an initial post. It was like heroin; only more addictive and with worse withdrawal symptoms.  I’ve found blogging to be incredibly cathartic and it has also provided me with the opportunity to meet many gifted, intelligent, creative people that I would have never met otherwise (along with a couple of complete loons!) In the next five days leading up to my xangaversary, I’ve decided to pull out my five favorite posts from the last year and re-post one a day. (I’ve also been suffering from Xangablock the last week or so, so this will make posting easy!) So…here’s my first pick from:


     


    Sunday, December 12, 2004


     








     

     


    The new American Civil War – Why it’s hard to be blue in a red state.


     


    I was reading Dave Barry’s column in the Tulsa World today. In his article he describes those of us who are “blue” as “Godless, unpatriotic, pierced-nose, Volvo-driving, France-loving, left-wing, communist, latte-sucking, tofu-chomping, holistic-wacko, neurotic vegan weenie perverts”. I am offended by this characterization because I do NOT drive a Volvo. I drive a Mini-Cooper.


     


    Seriously, being a Democrat in Oklahoma is a lot like being the only bass in the Vienna Boys Choir; when you open your mouth you tend to stick out. While I enjoy writing about my political belief system in a forum like this, I am actually quite cautious about saying anything about it in public. Folks here take their conservative roots seriously and actually admitting you’re a Democrat makes you highly suspect. You may think I’m kidding, but I’m not.


     


    I’ve lived through the Kennedy assassination, Vietnam, Watergate, Billy Beer, the Iran-Contra scandal, The Gulf-War, the impeachment of Clinton, and 911 and I do not recall a time where America has been as emotionally polarized as it is today along partisan lines. And nowhere does it rear its ugly head as it does in political advertising.


     


    The recent Senate race here in Oklahoma between Brad Carson and Tom Colburn garnered national attention because the outcome had a great deal of impact on the balance of power in the Senate. The mud slinging reached the epic proportions of a tractor pull.


     


    The average Television and Radio ad sounded something like this: “Brad Carson has proposed that all elementary and secondary school teachers in Oklahoma must be homosexual. If they currently are not homosexual they must be sent to re-education camps where Barbra Streisand movies will be played 24 hours a day. Brad is also a Satanist and proposes sacrificing virgins in the capital rotunda . We also saw Brad Carson kick a puppy.” My fellow Democrats were no better, their ads slamming Colburn claimed Tom was a “Grand Knight in the KKK, a Nazi war criminal, and wants to have everyone over 65 executed in order to cut down on Social Security costs.”


     


    The real issue is that both sides are appealing more to emotion than to reason. That is understandable because elections aren’t won on reason, they are won on emotion. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with emotion. Without emotion real political change would never happen. The civil rights movement would not have marched forward as it did without the “I have a dream” speech, and we would all be taking afternoon tea if we had not gotten mad enough to dump a bunch of Earl Grey in Boston Harbor. But emotion without reason is a very dangerous thing. Read the writings of Thomas Jefferson. It may be the most emotionally charged thing you’ll ever read, but also the most eloquent and reasonable.


     


    I long for real political debate in this country. Not partisan rhetoric but a thoughtful, reasoned discussion of the issues. I long for an environment where each side treats the other with respect and people feel free to speak their mind.


     


    Now that is something I could get emotional about.


     


     

  • QUICK HEALTH UPDATE


     



     


    As of this morning (according the folks at LA Weight Loss), I have officially dropped ten pounds (only 28 more to go!) I’m back on my meds and my blood pressure has been at or below 120/80 for the last two weeks.  I can’t begin to describe how much better I feel. I’m still headed in for a treadmill test in a couple of weeks to make sure there is no heart disease, but I haven’t had any chest pain lately.


     


    My mother in law is only 71. Trust me, at my age, 71 doesn’t seem that old. She has had a minor stroke, is diabetic, and is overweight. We love to take her to dinner and movies with us, but when she goes, it takes her ten minutes just to get in and out of the car. Conversely, there is a guy at church named John that I would swear is in his mid sixties. He is trim and fit and acts like a teenager. He told me the other day that he is 84. My jaw hit the floor.


     


    I’m determined that I’m going to be more like John than my mother in law. What fun would it be to get older and reach retirement if you’re not healthy enough to enjoy it?


     


    I’m afraid that I’m slowly becoming something that I used to despise: a health zealot (don’t worry Jordan; I’m not going to start shopping at Akins). It has simply amazed me at what dropping ten pounds and getting my blood pressure under control has done for how I feel.


     


    Besides…I want to look damn good driving that car.


  • UNBRIDLED LUST


     


    I have a confession to make.


     


    I am a happily married man and yet…


     


    I have fallen into a pit of lust. It is a pit so deep that it has consumed me utterly and completely. I am but a shell of the man I once was and I now spend my days fixated on the object of my forbidden desire. She is a sleek beauty with perfect curves and a saucy attitude. She constantly tempts me to gently caress those curves and give myself over completely to her supple textures.  Here she is, the object of my wanton lust:


     


     


     


    My wife and I are doing some switching around on cars and I have to buy another vehicle in a few days. I have wanted one of these babies for a long time, but I’ve always talked myself out of it. However, the kids are out of college, so “why not?” I ask myself about 700 times a day. In order to head off an impulsive purchase, I think it would be prudent to look at this logically. I’m going to list all of the pros and cons and make an informed, educated, adult decision.


     


    Cons:


     


    The vehicle is impractical. It’s only a two seater and I couldn’t take clients with me in it anywhere.


     


    In reality I would probably only drive it with the top down, maybe, 10 times a year.


     


    It gets lousy gas mileage.


     


    Insurance is expensive.


     


    It’s a “high theft rate” car.


     


    Maintenance costs are astronomical.


     


    I’m too old to get in and out of a car easily that sets that low to the ground.


     


    Pros:


     


    It would be way cool.


     


    So….


     


    I’ll post some pics of me driving it when I get it.