October 16, 2005
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SELF IMAGE 101
I like to portray myself in this blog as a person of tolerance, compassion, acceptance, and generosity; a person who looks beyond the thin veneer with which we mask ourselves to the true inner beauty of every living human being.
If you read what follows, you will discover that in reality, I am actually a shallow prick.
On occasion, I find myself looking in the mirror and becoming discouraged by what I see. Each time I gaze on my reflection I appear to have grown yet another chin. If I lift my shirt; rather than seeing a six pack, I see six spare tires. I could pack for a trip to
I go to the movies with my wife and despair over the fact I am more likely to be mistaken for Tony Orlando than Orlando Bloom and that the only time I’m ever “carded” is when the child behind the counter wants to know if I’d like the AARP discount.
When I get to feeling like this there is only thing that will improve my self image…I go shopping for an hour at Wal-Mart.
Have you ever taken a close look at the average Wal-Mart shopper? I swear that you could determine the number of shoppers in a typical Wal-Mart by counting teeth and dividing by five. If you think that the world is populated only by razor thin super models you would be wrong, because they have apparently all been eaten by the Jabba the Hut look-a-likes who are perusing the cookie and ice cream aisles. I may not have the greatest fashion sense in the world but I do know that a beer stained ZZ Top t-shirt, cut-off camouflage pants, and black socks is NOT a good look, even if your mullet IS looking particularly fetching.
So, the next time you are watching TV, or are looking through magazines at all the beautiful people and begin to feel like you simply don’t measure up; do what I do. Go to Wal-Mart and look around at the real average American. Trust me; you are WAY better looking than they are.
Comments (18)
:LOL i just came home from a visit to Walmart. I took my niece. I counted 4 mullets. Thank you. I was feeling disgustingly fat and ugly. Then I read this. And I feel better. And reguarding that entry about “how much do you weigh” that was a direct quote from someone commenting on my previous entry. I was writing how I lost 3 pounds. This person’s comment was “How much do you weigh now?” I thought that was crazy.
well, at least there in BA and tulsa, wal-mart is NOT the place that the middle schoolers and high schoolers so to “pick up a date!!!!” and there are better places than ihop and walmart for the average private college student to hang out with friends and the opposite sex!! but, our wally world here in shawnee has one advantage to the tulsa/BA area’s: we have amish and menninites here!! fun, huh? i thought so. and our shawnee walmart has just recently graduted OUT of the mall and is a supercenter now! heck yes!
Haha…I think most people will be able to understand exactly what you mean.
Oh, LOL !! I always think the very same thing. And I love feeling as if I don’t weigh enough to shop there. I guess I’m a shallow prick too. Should we start a blogring ?
Yep. For me it’s the crowd around the ginormous muffins at Costco.
Well….I love shopping at Wal-Mart and I am sure there are days people are looking at me thinking “dang! I look alot better than HER!!” I think that is what I like about yard sales. You always know by the loud car coming down the street with 40 screaming kids in it that they will always be great customers of your yard sale!
Oh, so that was YOU staring at me in the cookie aisle! Next time I’ll wear my Lynard Skynard t-shirt instead.
I am sitting here at my computer busting a gut, reading your post! Husband, Daughter and dog are all staring at me like I am insane. Thanks for my big laugh of the day. Next time I am feeling like my old, frumpy housewife self, I will take a trip to Walmart to boost my ego!
OMG! LOL!! I thought it was only the Walmarts in Michigan that attracted customers with no teeth!
I can’t stop grinning. I HATE Wal-Mart and what it did to the mom and pop businesses in this country. People tell me to look at the other side…at how it’s offered jobs to so many and provided goods that some people might not be able to afford otherwise. I’ve always thought only guys could be a prick of any kind. I’m female but I’d love to be included if you decide to start a shallow prick blogring….LOL
How funny…. I was just feeling so down about myself. My 19-year old came to visit me this weekend from college and shes so beautiful…. I find myself being depressed after she leaves, one because I will miss her, and the other is that I am old and used to look just like her!!!! I have experienced moments in wal-mart when I find myself thinking.. damn, I know I dont look like that.. I head straight for the Oil of Olay anyway.. PHew… good post.. your a funny guy!
You have segued perfectly into this week’s topic. Topic’s up! I wonder what you will have to say.
There is nary a Wal-Mart within the Five Boroughs, but if were a fertile ground for mullet hunting, I would be soooo there…
I’m weird..I find poor fashion sense mostly a source of comfort. If you haven’t considered posting at the Socrates cafe..please give it thought you have so much to offer any discourse we may have….I was a funny looking kid and I grew into a non formula kind of look ( meaning pretty but not in a conventional sesne ) adult so I have been able to avoid the adjustment to my changing looks as I get closer and closer to old…but I do understand..
Hey, there. I live and breathe Wal-Mart thank you very much. And I find some of my nicest clothes there too! LOL
I personally will slip into a WalMart when I don’t have time to put my makeup before going out. Usually it’s when I’ve crawled out of bed in the AM and threw on some sweats and rushed out the door. I try to get there before all the “druggies” wake up.
And talk about shallow…well, maybe not shallow…but “bitchy”….I’m going to have to confess chewing out a Wal-Mart greeter once. …. yep, It was one of those pissy days I was having, topped off with having shopping carts run up my ass down the aisles of the store, then stepping in some kids spilt coke….not to mention it was a hot summer day…everyone was tense from the heat. I just wanted to get what I needed and get the hell out of the store. when….I was detained by an elderly woman asking to see my receipt (which was crammed down in my oversized purse). I can’t remember what I said exactly, but it was enough to embarrass my son that was with me. The poor lady was just doing her job.
We remember it in our house as: “The day mom chewed out the WalMart greeter”
I’m so ashamed! That’s the reason I get up early and go to WalMart…never go in the heat of the day.
I hate going to WalMart. But, with this new spin, I might actually enjoy it!
I’m grabbing my list and heading to Walmart! lol…I need a good pick me up…but wait, I hate the long lines wating to check out… now I remember why I don’t shop there, I have convinced myself that I would rather pay more for things than waste time in line, I HATE lines (yeah I know, I live in SO CAL, where lines were INVENTED!)…However, if it would save me a session with my shrink re my self esteem, I suppose I can deal with the lines…I mean dufus looking people are in lines too, right? One can only hope!