July 26, 2005
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JUST DO IT
I’ve noticed on several blogs that I keep up with, the author has responded to the question; name 10 fictional characters that you would “do it” with. I thought that sounded like great fun so I’ve put together a list. First, however, l would like to comment on the euphemism “do it.”
I think the reason euphemisms for sex like “do it” are so prevalent is because the English language seems woefully inadequate when it comes to describing the one thing that causes the greatest amount of angst for the majority of the human race. Some examples:
Do it – Too commercial; makes sex sound like a Nike add
Intercourse – Too sterile; sounds like one of those ridiculous business terms like “synergy.” Hey baby, want to go to the copy room and have some synergy?
Making Love – Too contrived; you might as well ask someone if they want to go make a sandwich. Besides, it reminds me of one of the most hideous songs ever recorded; “Making love out of nothing at all” by Air Supply.
Making Whoopee – Too silly; sounds like the name for a company that produces bad novelty items.
By the way, if you want to hear the funniest collection of euphemisms for sex ever committed to celluloid, check out Burgess Meredith in the outtakes at the end of “Grumpier Old Men.” One quick example: “There may be lots of fish in the sea, but you’re the only one I want to mount above my fireplace.”
Some of the respondees to the fictional character question have limited their responses to literary characters only. I thought long and hard about this (“long and hard” was not intentional innuendo) and I’ll have to admit that I couldn’t come up with 10. Elizabeth Bennet perhaps? Marianne or Elinor Dashwood? If we are going for the sex factor, how about Hester Prynne? All of these are interesting characters but they didn’t seem to rate high on a “do it” list.
(I would be very interested in getting some suggestions in the literary only category)
Other respondees have listed movie or TV characters, which is where I’m going to draw my list from. My selections here are based not just on the actress but on the role they played in a particular movie or television series. So…here is my list of the top ten fish I’d like to mount above my fireplace:
10. Faith as played by Eliza Dushku in “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” My son and I both have a crush on Eliza. We also have a long running joke; after the untold thousands of dollars I have spent on his education I’ve told him that when the time comes, I want the best nursing home money can buy AND I expect Eliza to be my nurse.
9. Honey Ryder as played by Ursula Andress in “Dr. No”
8. Maria Hardy as played by Isabella Rossellini in “Cousins” Sweet, but with a “come hither” look that would melt your socks.
7. Helen Cruger as played by Ellen Barkin in “
6. Susie Diamond as played by Michelle Pfeiffer in “The Fabulous Baker Boys. Who cares whether or not she can sing.
5. Catherine Olds Banning as played by Rene Russo in the remake of “The Thomas Crown Affair” See entry #1 for why this character makes the list.
4. Matty
3. Connie Sumner as played by
2. Sydney Ellen Wade as played by Annette Bening in “The American President” There is nothing sexier than smart and confident with just a hint of vulnerability.
1. Dana Scully as played by Gillian Anderson in “The X-Files” Ok…maybe this makes me a little geeky, but I’ve got a thing for smart redheads (which is why I married my wife).
So there are my picks. I wish to express my sincere apologies to my son who had to endure his father writing about sex.
Comments (24)
I think every guy, deep down, has the hots for a redhead. Unlike a blond or girl with dark hair, redheads seem to have some kind of secret sexpot signal that hones in on males, no matter what their preference in women is. With the exception of Brad, my current boyfriend who met me when I dyed my hair blond for a few months, every guy I’ve ever dated later admitted that the first thing that attracted me to them was the fact that I had red hair. Girls aren’t nearly that crazy about hair, particually the color. So what is that?
When Brad and I talk about sex, we usually say “Mmm, let’s go fornicate!” There is something about the word fornication, that sounds uptight and kind of dirty and silly at the same time. The proper word choice always helps set the mood.
i have to admit, the only thing i want to do with colin firth is look deeply into his eyes for hours on end. but i’m thinking that’s not what they mean by doing it . . .
how’s that diet going?
Damn, I’d do Honey Ryder too.
My suggestions in the literary only category, would tend to run to the male side of characters, and therefore would be of little use to you. But it might be a good idea for a blog (an activity other than napping !!)
Oooh, good choices. I especially loved Annette Benning’s character in “The American President.” And, yeah, defnitely no need to explain about Diane Lane’s character in “Unfaithful.” I put her lover in the movie on my top ten list. Mmmmm, very sexy movie.
That was the most entertaining, enlightening and disturbing entry I’ve ever read of any blog. I actually chuckled along until the last line, when you forced the mental image and the laughter train decided to play Amtrack and come to a screeching, burning deathball of a halt.
*shudder*
I think I’ll work on the literary list and get back to you. Elizabeth Bennet most certainly makes the list. This will be hard work. Plus no pictures..
Interesting list. I have to admit that I chuckled over you thinking “long & hard”!!!
I love the fact that you feature so many redheads. I personally have a huge thing with redheads (pun absolutely intentional) – They are by far my first choice (in response to SummerCore’s comment).
Oh, thanks so much for getting that yawner Air Supply song to play in my head. Two naps in one day for me? Wow. I, as an ambiguous-preferenced female, strongly agreed with all of your choices except one: Diane Lane. Go figure. I just don’t ‘get’ her. All my best friends were better looking than her. :shrug: But she’s not *my* fantasy. *evilgrin* Um. Joe Perry is. :female schwing:
Okay. I must do this. NOW. thanks.
Yes, Mark, I’ll bet you DID think long and hard about those…..
hehehe
xoxoxo
Came across your site while I was poking around one of the blogrings. You have a great sense of humor! I’m sure I’ll visit again
great post Mark…love your repartee regarding Burgess Meredith and the “Grumpy Old Men” saga…oh those outakes were priceless; I must have replayed them a dozen times, and laughed my butt off each time…and of your sexy girls of the screen, Diane Lane is a real sex kitten and her part in the movie “Unfaithful” was to die for…and her co-star, (not Richard Gere) the Italian dude was oh so hot! thanks for an interesting and steamy post…keep on writing; I’ll be back!
paulygrl
I gotta second Ash’s comment on the redheads. I think people have just as many assumptions about we redheads as they do blondes…but in a much better way
I’ve gotta give you props for your taste in women. Heck I’d “do” half of them. I’d also add half the cast of Gone With the Wind [literary and film version]
Cary Elwes as Westley in The Princess Bride. Actually, Westley in the literary Princess Bride, too. I mean, he already has a pirate costume
And quite possibly Mr. Bingley from Pride and Prejudice. Although Mr. Wickham would work for the “bad boy” factor.
RYC: No, it was not a bootie mixer, but a weekend conference for my honor fraternity (read: weekend of drunken debauchery with my honor fraternity brothers).
I’m pretty sure 3, 4, 6, 7, and 9 would be on my husband’s list. I might be persuaded to put Diane Lane on mine, as well. . .
Poor Jordan….last entry was ass acne, this one he has to hear about long and hard sex….his mind must be warped forever! I believe it is a requirement for every man participating in this Top Ten list to name at least one Bond girl.
Oh my gosh….to funny. I tried to make a list on my site and came up with a bunch of dorks. I know what you mean about stating it with the English language….mine and my guys joke is “Let’s ROCK the house!!” lol Corny but we both know what we’re talking about! lol Redheads ARE wonderful….me, my husband, my three kids and even my cat have red hair!! lol You grossing out your son sounds like my teenage daughter getting grossed out by us. To funny.
Offspring usually prefer to think that their parents do not know anything about sex and certainly have never had sex. Makes you wonder how they think they got here, doesn’t it?
I have always had a crush on Michael E. Knight who plays Tad Martin on All My Children. I have watched that soap since it came on the air. I used to be a little embarrassed to admit that I watched a soap, but I now think ti is about the best thing on TV and it is practically the only thing I watch anymore.
I love The American President. One of my all time favorite flicks! The character of Sydney Ellen Wade is great. Of course, I woud go with the Pres, myself. I actually know someone who knows Michael Douglas.
Mmmm…Westley. TheBaxter’s gotta point. (pun definitely not intended, as she’s female)
3, 9 and 10. All of those.
And more terms for “doin it”
Getting it on, gettin jiggy wit it, doing the do, doing the nasty, getting down and dirty, shagging, humping, making sweet sweet love. I’m sure if you Googled the question or asked Jeeves, well. Let’s not discuss that.
I’m glad you mentioned your wife at the end there. Might save you a night on the couch. Yay for redheads!
That was fun reading. I think if I had my picks it would be Mel Gibson (in a kilt of course), John Corbett (My Big Fat Greek Wedding)–such a smile!, Alan Jackson–I’d make him sing to me first. …and last but not least…my bad boy image whoopee would be Kid Rock! ya!
Hah, I can’t believe you got such a ridiculous amount of comments on this post! I guess whenever sex is even hinted at on Xanga people want to check it out.
Methinks tt’s all the angst from the pent-up sexual tension our lovely little society produces, especially right here in the Buckle of the Bible Belt.