March 1, 2005
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ENGLISH LANGUAGE – WHY HAVE YOU FAILED ME
I turned 46 last September. That is still close enough to 45 to be able tell people that I’m in my “mid forties”, but it’s near enough to 50 that I’m getting AARP literature in the mail (however, I have not yet developed a desire to eat dinner at Piccadilly Cafeteria at
At this age, I find that I’m having trouble trying to determine how to appropriately address people who are younger than I am. I’m old enough that when I talk to a ten year old girl or boy I actually hear terms like “sweetie” and “young man” come out of my mouth. However, I’m still young enough to remember that when I was 10 and some old geezer called me “young man” it made me want to kick him in the balls. English language – why have you failed me now?
Let’s examine what terms are currently available for both genders:
For Women – “Sweetie” or “Sweetheart” might be ok for a three year old, but taking into consideration the sophistication of kids today, it becomes inappropriate pretty quickly after that. In fact, if I were to call a 25 year old woman “sweetie” I’d better be ready to get kick-boxed into next week. “Miss” works ok, but at what age does it become appropriate to switch to the more matronly “Mam?” I feel silly calling a contemporary “miss”, but if I use “mam” too early, I often get the “who the hell are you calling mam?” look.
For Men - It’s even tougher when it come to guys. I hated “young man” when I was young because I thought it sounded condescending, and there isn’t really a corresponding word to “miss” in the English language. At my age, calling a 16 year old boy “sir” just seems silly, and using a colloquialism like “dude” or “bro” would make me look like a friggin idiot.
Being a good Democrat, I’m all about political correctness and showing appropriate respect for people of all ages in each gender, but I’m at a total loss on this subject. Can you help me? I know I have some readers who are college age and I have others who are my age. For those of you in college, how do you like to be addressed? How did you like to be addressed 10 years ago? For those of you who are my age (especially women), how do you want to be addressed? How do you feel about the Miss/Mam dilemma?
Help give this old dude a clue.
Comments (3)
I’m thinking way too much about this. Honestly, as long as it’s with an intention of respect, you can call me Grundaboob for all I care. But maybe that’s the multiculturalism talking. From “older folk” I don’t mind a young man now and then, but from people who work with me in academia I prefer something more professional, my personal favorite of which is something like “my colleague.”
Looking at your ideas from a different light though, reveals something else to me. You feel like you’re in a transition for the english language, but you’re talking about your transition from mid to late 40′s and what that means to your identity and how you relate to others. The little bit of humor in that is that the relations that you’re describing are dealing with the exact same style of transitions. Those 22 year olds who don’t know if they’re Mr., Sir, or busboy yet. Those 12 year old girls loving to hear Young Lady and the 16 year olds dying for a mam, all the way to the 22 year old women who will kill you with a look if you use the ma’m title outside of humor.
And maybe even then.
Life’s a huge transition, especially now. American society has done away with the vast majority of our rites of passage, creating this quite new phenomenon called “teenageness” and stretching out this transition period across one’s whole life. At some point in history. You were a boy until one day you were a man. That’s not the case anymore, so now we get this funny little stepping-stones. At least on this side we’re excited about each one as we see it in the distance, but by the time it gets close we’re already looking towards the next. But that’s a whole ‘nother string of thoughts on American culture.
I’ll stop rambling and go to sleep now.
I typically call all men “sir”, I can get away with it easily because I’m a girl, so if they are older it’s considered cute or respectful, and if they are around my age then it’s just fun or sarcastic. As for women, I try to avoid it all together, for the most part it’s pretty easy. Women get offended by “mam” if they are vain (as most women are) and still want to be considered attractive (and try and find me a handful of women who don’t want that!). I would stay away from young lady too, which I always thought was conceding.
Haha, that’s not much help, but it’s all I got. Thanks for your kind words on my photos, by the way. I’ve had a few people ask to have various pictures I’ve taken blown up and made into something they could hang, but I have never taken it seriously. In fact, I’m quitting the paper I work for in a couple of weeks. I feel like a big phony because I have no passion for journalism, which is really what counts to get ahead in that business. Haha, anyway, thanks a lot, I really appreciate it!
I call much older men sir and much older women ma’am. If it’s someone I know VERY well (or my xanga buddies)…I call them little darlin (don’t know WHERE that came from!) If it’s informal….I call teenagers kiddo….if it’s busines….I don’t really call them anything except sometimes HON may slip out…although sometimes butthead would be appropriate! lol I am 35 and my BIGGEST pet peeve is when a teenager (like at a drive-through restraunt) calls me Ma’am….that makes me feel like I am 85!