December 7, 2004

• Ok, I’ve seen the growth in my son’s life during his college years which begs the question “did I do any growing in college?” 

  
  

   

  
  

  To understand that, you need a little background. When I was seven my mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia. She got progressively worse throughout my childhood and teens and by the time I was in college; she had to be hospitalized on frequent occasions. My father dealt with her illness by being on the road the vast majority of the time, leaving me at home alone to take care of mom. Just before I left for college, he lost his job and finally came home and began caretaking responsibilities for my mother (which is something I, regrettably, never gave him enough credit for).  During my teens, the church was my entire life. It was the one place where I had some normalcy and where I really excelled. During my junior year in high school I decided to make the ministry my calling and I enrolled at Oklahoma Baptist University as a Music Major to prepare myself to become a Music Minister.

  
  

   

  
  

  Because of Dad’s employment situation and my Mom’s illness, money was in short supply so I had to work while I was in school to make ends meet. As I look back on it now, I have no idea how I survived those four years. I worked three jobs and went to school. Here was my schedule:  I got up at 5:30 a.m. and went to drive a school bus route for Shawnee public schools. I went to class from 8:00 a.m. to about 2:30 on most days. After class I drove my afternoon route and got back just in time to go to rehearsal for the Bison Glee Club (yes, it’s a funny name)  After rehearsal, I had time to catch a quick dinner in the cafeteria and then head to Swenson’s Ice Cream Parlor where I was an assistant manager. I worked there from 6:00 p.m. to around midnight or 1:00 a.m. five days a week. I worked it out so that I was off on Wednesday nights and Sundays. On Wednesdays and Sundays I drove 30 miles to serve as Minister of Music and Youth at a small country church near Shawnee.

  
  

   

  
  

  Since my mom was used to dealing primarily with me she had a difficult time dealing with my dad being home. Therefore I spent a great deal of time on the phone with her during those days trying to keep her calmed down and lucid. I did manage to make good grades and I developed some friendships there that I still enjoy today.

  
  

   

  
  

  Did I grow?  I don’t have the slightest clue. I know that when I left for college I was extremely idealistic and knew that I was going to change the world. When I left OBU I was even more idealistic and was convinced I had the power to put my plan into action.

  
  

   

  
  

  What I found in actual church work was much different that how I had it pictured. I began to be disillusioned very early on. I turned completely inward, became a very selfish person, and ended up going through some very dark years that hurt most of the people in my life. I ended up leaving the ministry and that’s how I wound up here at Ford Audio-Video putting sound, video, and lighting systems in churches all over America.

  
  

   

  
  

  When Jordan left for college I knew that the questioning of all the ideals he grew up with would happen much sooner for him than it happened to me. I tease that it’s because he’s smarter than I am, and there’s real truth to that. Jordan is much more introspective than I was, and much, much wiser. It’s kind of funny that Jordan and I have wound up at the same place. We both have a rock solid faith that is a central part of our lives. But it’s a faith that is actually ours, not because we were taught it, but because we have fought it, and embraced it, and fought it, and questioned it, and fought it, and finally made it our own. It may not look much like our Southern Baptist upbringings, but it’s very, very, real, and will continue to evolve as we both get older.

  
  

   

  
  

  I’m incredibly involved in my church now. I’m a deacon, in all the music groups, and just finished serving as the chairman of the music search committee.  Here is how it’s a little different from how I grew up:  I have a great pastor who I can call and we can run to the bar together, get a drink, and talk about stuff at the church. I didn’t do that when I was on staff at FBC Owasso and Dale Blackwood was my pastor.  (Those of you who know Dale Blackwood will realize how funny that statement is.) 

  
  

   

  
  

  So, back to the original question. Did I grow in College? In some ways perhaps, but not much. I did most of my growing in my 30^’sand 40′s and much of it was very painful. I’m so grateful to God that my son IS smarter than I am, and that he’s already light years ahead of me at 21.

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