THE END OF AN ERA

I’ve had a ritual that I’ve observed religiously for over twenty years. Every Sunday morning I run out to the curb and pick up the Tulsa World Newspaper. I tear into the paper to find the section I’m looking for (no, it’s not the sports section – see earlier entry about having been born without the male sports gene).  When I find it, I open it to the inside of the first page to find……..

Dave Barry’s weekly column.

I won’t say that Dave’s writing is more important to me that the Bible, but I’ve certainly read Dave more.

A couple of weeks ago I was driving along listening to NPR when they announced that they were about to do an interview with Dave. I got so excited that I dropped my cell phone, my large order of McDonald’s french fries, my Game Boy and all of the other things that typically distract me from being a good driver. The interview began and I heard  words that chilled me to the bone……Dave Barry is retiring.   This is like a death in the family, only more tragic.

I’m not sure when the retirement takes place but I propose a national day of mourning.

In honor of his retirement I’m going to post the opening to his year in review column:

Posted on Sun, Dec. 26, 2004

R E L A T E D   C O N T E N T  YEAR IN REVIEW 2004 | The politics, the passion, and Paris DAVE BARRY Looking back on 2004, we have to conclude that it could have been worse. ”HOW??” you ask, spitting out your coffee. Well, OK, a giant asteroid could have smashed into the Earth and destroyed all human life except Paris Hilton and William Hung. Or Florida could have been hit by 20 hurricanes, instead of just 17. Or the Yankees could have won the World Series. But no question, 2004 was bad. Consider: • We somehow managed to hold a presidential election campaign that for several months was devoted almost entirely to the burning issue of: Vietnam. • Our Iraq policy, despite being discussed, debated and agreed upon right up to the very highest levels of the White House, did not always seem to be wildly popular over there in Iraq. • Osama bin Laden remained at large for yet another year (although we did manage, at long last, to put Martha Stewart behind bars). • The federal budget deficit continued to worsen, despite the concerted effort of virtually every elected official in Washington — Republican or Democrat — to spend more money. • As a nation, we managed somehow to get even fatter, despite the fact that anti-carbohydrate mania worsened to the point where the average American would rather shoot heroin than eat a bagel. • The “reality”-show cancer continued to metastasize, so that you couldn’t turn on the TV without seeing either Donald Trump or a cavalcade of dimwits emoting dramatically about eating bugs, losing weight, marrying a millionaire or remodeling a bathroom. • Perhaps most alarming of all, Cher yet again extended her ”farewell” tour, which began during the Jimmy Carter administration and is now expected to continue until the sun goes out. So all things considered, we’re happy to be entering a new year, which according to our calculations will be 2005 (although the exit polls are predicting it will be 1997). But before we move on, let’s swallow our anti-nausea medication and take one last look back at 2004, which began, as so many years seem to, with … You’ll have to go to your Sunday paper to read the rest. I’ve got to go take a Prozac and lie down.

My wife says this picture of Jordan and I taken on Christmas day sums us up the best (both hopeless computer nerds, lost on our laptops).

Like father, like son.

I’ve had a wonderful Christmas morning. My son was home which is always a great treat, and I got to spend it with him and my lovely wife, opening presents, having fun, and just enjoying being together.

I  also had a rather thought provoking Christmas afternoon. We went to my wife’s sister’s house for Christmas dinner. Her husband is a very interesting guy. He was born in Jordan but moved to London as a small boy and lived there most of his life. He looks middle eastern but when he opens his mouth and that thick British accent comes out, it makes you do a double take. 

He owns a catering company and is a highly respected and sought after chef here in Tulsa. I don’t have to tell you how incredible Christmas dinner was and you would have to see the dinner table decor to believe it (I’ll post a picture soon).  I was there with my wife and her mother. Her sister’s two daughters were there and my brother in law’s two brothers, their wives, and children were all there.

Here is what I found intriguing:  My brother in law, his brothers, and their families are all Muslim. My wife and I, her sister and her daughters, and my mother in law are all Protestant Christians of some flavor. However, that fact didn’t even occur to me until I was driving home tonight, and I had to smile when I realized that it hadn’t occured to me until then.

There were no Muslims and no Christians there today.  There were a bunch of kids playing hide and go seek in the front yard, and watching “Shrek 2″ much too loudly in the living room. There were also a bunch of adults sitting around the dinner table, eating too much desert, sipping wine, and laughing hysterically while telling funny stories about each other. There was simply an extended family celebrating Christmas together with absolutely no thought about race, religion, or political agendas.

I wish the entire world could be like our celebration today. Maybe someday it will be.

(See my son’s November 6th blog entry about his trip to a Mosque in Waco)

For those of you who saw the bizzare photoshop image I had posted, I had to take it down because several people told me that after seeing it they would need several years of intense therapy to recover from the trauma.  The most common comment I got was “Man, the water must of been cold that day.”   Have a Merry Christmas everyone!

THE BRILLIANT PEOPLE IN MY LIFE

My son has posted a brilliant discussion on Biblical Literalism. Take a few moments and read it:   

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Boofshavik

I know he’s sick of it, but I’ve got to take a few minutes and brag on him. He enrolled at Baylor four years ago and started in an honors program called BIC (Baylor Interdisciplinary Core).  He was told by the administration that the program was designed so that it was basically impossible to get through it with a 4.0 GPA.  Well, don’t ever tell Jordan that he can’t do something, because he finished the program with a 4.0 GPA and will graduate Summa Cum Laude in the spring. He has applied for a fellowship at Columbia in the Ph.D. program in Social/Personality Psychology, so wish him luck as his application in considered.

I also have to brag on my lovely wife. She went back to school this last fall to begin work on a Master’s Degree and finished this semester with a 4.0 herself.

I’m surrounded by brilliant people!  Oh…wait a minute…I’m writing this at work, and based on the folks I can see out of my office window, I’ll have to retract that last statement.

Margarine lids and nativity scenes

The new American Civil War – Why it’s hard to be blue in a red state.

I was reading Dave Barry’s column in the Tulsa World today. In his article he describes those of us who are “blue” as “Godless, unpatriotic, pierced-nose, Volvo-driving, France-loving, left-wing, communist, latte-sucking, tofu-chomping, holistic-wacko, neurotic vegan weenie perverts”. I am offended by this characterization because I do NOT drive a Volvo. I drive a Mini-Cooper.

Seriously, being a Democrat in Oklahoma is a lot like being the only bass in the Vienna Boys Choir; when you open your mouth you tend to stick out. While I enjoy writing about my political belief system in a forum like this, I am actually quite cautious about saying anything about it in public. Folks here take their conservative roots seriously and actually admitting you’re a Democrat makes you highly suspect. You may think I’m kidding, but I’m not.

I’ve lived through the Kennedy assassination, Vietnam, Watergate, Billy Beer, the Iran-Contra scandal, The Gulf-War, the impeachment of Clinton, and 911 and I do not recall a time where America has been as emotionally polarized as it is today along partisan lines. And nowhere does it rear its ugly head as it does in political advertising.

The recent Senate race here in Oklahoma between Brad Carson and Tom Colburn garnered national attention because the outcome had a great deal of impact on the balance of power in the Senate. The mud slinging reached the epic proportions of a tractor pull.

The average Television and Radio ad sounded something like this: “Brad Carson has proposed that all elementary and secondary school teachers in Oklahoma must be homosexual. If they currently are not homosexual they must be sent to re-education camps where Barbra Streisand movies will be played 24 hours a day. Brad is also a Satanist and proposes sacrificing virgins in the capital rotunda . We also saw Brad Carson kick a puppy.” My fellow Democrats were no better, their ads slamming Colburn claimed Tom was a “Grand Knight in the KKK, a Nazi war criminal, and wants to have everyone over 65 executed in order to cut down on Social Security costs.”

The real issue is that both sides are appealing more to emotion than to reason. That is understandable because elections aren’t won on reason, they are won on emotion. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with emotion. Without emotion real political change would never happen. The civil rights movement would not have marched forward as it did without the “I have a dream” speech, and we would all be taking afternoon tea if we had not gotten mad enough to dump a bunch of Earl Grey in Boston Harbor. But emotion without reason is a very dangerous thing. Read the writings of Thomas Jefferson. It may be the most emotionally charged thing you’ll ever read, but also the most eloquent and reasonable.

I long for real political debate in this country. Not partisan rhetoric but a thoughtful, reasoned discussion of the issues. I long for an environment where each side treats the other with respect and people feel free to speak their mind.

Now that is something I could get emotional about.

I find myself fuming because a fellow salesperson in my office just had an automobile accident caused by a driver who fled the scene after committing an infraction which is my single greatest driving pet peeve.  It’s really a two-fold pet peeve, and here is the fundemental issue:  The acceleration (entrance) ramp to an expressway is supposed to be used to ACCELERATE!

The theory is really quite simple. When you enter an expressway you are supposed to accelerate to the speed that traffic on the expressway is moving. When you reach the end of the ramp you are then able to merge easily with traffic.  I do not feel that Capital Punishment should be out of the question for people who get to the end of an entrance ramp and stop.  Conversely, I find my driving feathers quite ruffled when I try to enter an expressway and people already occupying the expressway will not move into the outside lane, tap their brakes, or speed up just a little to let me in. I’ve had people actually match speed with me just so I couldn’t enter the expressway. These people obviously have serious territorial issues and should be drawn and quartered between two rusty AMC Gremlins. 

I’m typically a mild mannered, dweeb kind of guy who is not prone to road rage in the least. However, these two issues turn me into a raging, homicidal, maniac.  

What breaches of driving etiquette make you crazy?  While I’m waiting for your answer I need to take a valium and lie down.

On a much lighter note…

My deck/spa project is finally complete!  I did every nail/board/screw/bracket/electrical fitting, etc. by myself. This will only be of note to those of you know me and know that I am somewhat “mechanically challenged.”   In fact, I was born without two of the most important male genes; the “mechanical gene” and the “sports gene”.  I am incapable of doing anything with tools without either seriously injuring myself or causing extensive property damage and I have absolutely no interest in Baseball, Football, Basketball, Hockey, etc. The only two sports I actually like to watch on television are gymnastics and ice skating. (NO…I am NOT gay).

So here are the pictures during construction and after completion. You might notice that there is a picture of one of our dogs during construction. Unfortunately, we have not been able to locate him after the completion of the project. I can hear him barking softly from somewhere under the deck. I keep dropping dog food down through the spaces between the boards. I’m sure he’s fine.

Ok, I’ve seen the growth in my son’s life during his college years which begs the question “did I do any growing in college?” 

To understand that, you need a little background. When I was seven my mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia. She got progressively worse throughout my childhood and teens and by the time I was in college; she had to be hospitalized on frequent occasions. My father dealt with her illness by being on the road the vast majority of the time, leaving me at home alone to take care of mom. Just before I left for college, he lost his job and finally came home and began caretaking responsibilities for my mother (which is something I, regrettably, never gave him enough credit for).  During my teens, the church was my entire life. It was the one place where I had some normalcy and where I really excelled. During my junior year in high school I decided to make the ministry my calling and I enrolled at Oklahoma Baptist University as a Music Major to prepare myself to become a Music Minister.

Because of Dad’s employment situation and my Mom’s illness, money was in short supply so I had to work while I was in school to make ends meet. As I look back on it now, I have no idea how I survived those four years. I worked three jobs and went to school. Here was my schedule:  I got up at 5:30 a.m. and went to drive a school bus route for Shawnee public schools. I went to class from 8:00 a.m. to about 2:30 on most days. After class I drove my afternoon route and got back just in time to go to rehearsal for the Bison Glee Club (yes, it’s a funny name)  After rehearsal, I had time to catch a quick dinner in the cafeteria and then head to Swenson’s Ice Cream Parlor where I was an assistant manager. I worked there from 6:00 p.m. to around midnight or 1:00 a.m. five days a week. I worked it out so that I was off on Wednesday nights and Sundays. On Wednesdays and Sundays I drove 30 miles to serve as Minister of Music and Youth at a small country church near Shawnee.

Since my mom was used to dealing primarily with me she had a difficult time dealing with my dad being home. Therefore I spent a great deal of time on the phone with her during those days trying to keep her calmed down and lucid. I did manage to make good grades and I developed some friendships there that I still enjoy today.

Did I grow?  I don’t have the slightest clue. I know that when I left for college I was extremely idealistic and knew that I was going to change the world. When I left OBU I was even more idealistic and was convinced I had the power to put my plan into action.

What I found in actual church work was much different that how I had it pictured. I began to be disillusioned very early on. I turned completely inward, became a very selfish person, and ended up going through some very dark years that hurt most of the people in my life. I ended up leaving the ministry and that’s how I wound up here at Ford Audio-Video putting sound, video, and lighting systems in churches all over America.

When Jordan left for college I knew that the questioning of all the ideals he grew up with would happen much sooner for him than it happened to me. I tease that it’s because he’s smarter than I am, and there’s real truth to that. Jordan is much more introspective than I was, and much, much wiser. It’s kind of funny that Jordan and I have wound up at the same place. We both have a rock solid faith that is a central part of our lives. But it’s a faith that is actually ours, not because we were taught it, but because we have fought it, and embraced it, and fought it, and questioned it, and fought it, and finally made it our own. It may not look much like our Southern Baptist upbringings, but it’s very, very, real, and will continue to evolve as we both get older.

I’m incredibly involved in my church now. I’m a deacon, in all the music groups, and just finished serving as the chairman of the music search committee.  Here is how it’s a little different from how I grew up:  I have a great pastor who I can call and we can run to the bar together, get a drink, and talk about stuff at the church. I didn’t do that when I was on staff at FBC Owasso and Dale Blackwood was my pastor.  (Those of you who know Dale Blackwood will realize how funny that statement is.) 

So, back to the original question. Did I grow in College? In some ways perhaps, but not much. I did most of my growing in my 30^’sand 40′s and much of it was very painful. I’m so grateful to God that my son IS smarter than I am, and that he’s already light years ahead of me at 21.